Every year, my non-practicing Catholic wife enthusiastically announces that she is “giving up candy for Lent.” And every year, I contemplate when I should casually remind her that she has consistently failed. Not to mention there has not been one other tradition we have followed within the faith, so why do we have to participate in the one where we have to give up something we love for more than a month?
Rather than sort through all of the things I could potentially do without, I came up with this list of things that queer women everywhere could give up for Lent, should you want to participate
Ladies, I know this is a staple in our super queer wardrobes, so this one is going to really challenge you. Might I suggest leather to replace it? Temporarily of course.
Overuse of the tongue emoji
There are plenty of other emoji’s that have just the same effect as the tongue emoji. Like the lips emoji. Or the fist emoji. Or the finger emoji. Or the peach emoji. Wow, we have really sexualized emojis.
Stalking your ex on social media
This is not healthy anyways, and you should just stop now before you accidently like one of their posts from two months ago and go into full panic mode.
Winning every argument between you and your partner.
You will make your significant other so happy if you say, “You know what? It’s lent, so you win.” Don’t forget, this is FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY.
Yes, you heard me. Pick UP that razor and shave girl! Don’t worry, its only for 40 days and after then you can go right back to living your hairy life.
Being uber picky on dating apps
Let’s use these next several weeks to really just get out there and give people a chance! So what if she has over 300 cats and her profile picture is of her picking her nose? It’s not about you; it’s about Lent.
Pretending to like scissoring
There are very few of you who have really mastered this move and even if you think you have, you are still waiting for the moment when it “pays off.” Now is your chance to take a break from having to pretend to be good at it and just admit it’s way too much work.
Follow Erin Faith Wilson: @erinfaithwilson