California declares Prop 8 Unconstitutional


OK, California ladies, who wants to get married?


This morning at 10:00 (ish) a.m. Pacific Time, the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that Proposition 8, a state constitutional amendment that bans gay marriage, violates the U.S. Constitution.

It’s unlikely that same-sex marriages in California will immediately resume, but please don’t let that stop you from doing a butt dance of celebration around your home or workplace. And there’s no reason you can’t get some pre-work done on your Homosexual Agenda homework and start undermining some straight marriages right now.

The creeps who support Prop 8 have already vowed to appeal, but you know what? The dinosaurs kept appealing too, and look how many T-Rexes you see walking around.

So now the case may go to a wider panel of the 9th Circuit, or it may go straight to the Supreme Court, and, seriously, ladies, this is when you cross everything and hang on to your glue guns, because that ruling will have nationwide consequences. And you may have noticed that the current Supreme Court has a few conservatives on it.

Depending on the way likely swing vote Justice Kennedy bounces in the all-but-inevitable 5-4 decision, our weird little California brouhaha may either stop gay marriage bans across the nation or, um, open the way for them.

Funny thing about the state of California: For the last few years, we have had three classes of citizens.

First-class citizens, the straight ones, can marry anyone they want, whether they love them or not, on a whim. They’ve been doing so for a long time, as you have doubtless noticed.

California legalized gay marriage and there was much rejoicing across the land, and 18,000 loving same-sex couples got marriage licenses.

And then Prop 8 happened. Prop 8, which amended the California constitution to define marriage as only between a man and a woman, was pushed through due to millions in ironic funding from the Mormon church and a misleading ad campaign which suggested that Prop 8 was about stopping teachers from teaching gayness in elementary schools. Because if there’s one thing second-graders want to do, it’s learn to soul kiss.

So Prop 8 created second-class citizens, the gays and lesbians, who can’t marry the people they’re in love with, even if they have been together for decades.

An immediate challenge went out (along with waves of protests), but the California Supreme Court reluctantly upheld the right of majorities to yank away rights from minorities. Frightened yet?

What the court wouldn’t do was invalidate the 18,000 marriages that had already taken place, so we have a third class of citizens who can stay married, but can’t get re-married if they are widowed or divorced.

Keen-eyed readers may have noted an odd fourth class: bisexuals, who have a dice-roll of a shot at being able to marry the people they love, with the odds depending on where they land on the Kinsey scale.

Suffice it to say that neither Class 3 nor Class 4 citizens are elated about their standings. They would like, oddly enough, for everyone to have a full shot at marrying someone they love. If there’s any grousing to do, it should be at intangibles like Fate and Cupid, not your own state laws.

Stay focused. Pray to your power animals. Channel your inner Maddow.

Most important, be out and proud. As Harvey Milk said, “If they know us, they don’t vote against us.” And if you’re reading this in a state or country that’s still waiting for marriage equality (or tolerance), hit the forums and let us know how we can help.

Happy justice, y’all.

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