Who will be the Taylor Lautner for lesbians?


Gay ladies need their own Taylor Lautner. Wait, don’t throw your sparkly vampire action figures at me — let me explain. It’s not that we need a beefy, wolfy protector, per se; but we need our own actress who should only and always appear in a tank top in every role. So much so that, as our illustrious Heather Hogan suggests, the other characters would be all, “Does she even own a shirt?”

Now, granted, Taylor is actually more prone to shirtlessness altogether. But this is an all-ages site and, well, you can Google that for yourself. As somewhat of an authority on the art of the tank top, I humbly submit these 10 actresses as our very own Lesbian Lautners. See, and you thought you weren’t going to be able to relate to any of the hoopla surrounding this week’s Eclipse premiere.

1. Michelle Rodriguez

This woman is to tank tops as a fish is to water. Without one, you can practically see her flop around gasping for air.

2. Yvonne Strahovski

Her tank top is another spy weapon because at the sight of her in one all the other spies’ brains will shut down and they’ll spill whatever state secrets she wants.

3. Jessica Biel

When tank tops dream, this is the body they dream about.

4. Rosario Dawson

She manages to make wearing a tank top look both super hot and super fun.

5. Evangeline Lilly

All that time on the island means she has plenty of practice.

6. Sarah Shahi

Shane so should have married Carmen.

7. Eliza Dushku

Perhaps if she was sent out in a tank top on every engagement, Dollhouse would still be on the air.

8. Rose Rollins

I know she was just a fake soldier, but I always feel a little patriotic when I see Rose in a tank top.

9. Kat Prescott

Because Heather said so.

10. Katee Sackhoff

Whenever I see her not in a tank top, it takes me a second to recognize her.

So there you have it, 10 of the finest ladies to ever fill out a tank top. Which one should be our official Lesbian Lautner? And who have we missed? Feel free to post your own photographic evidence — for strictly scientific purposes, of course.

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