Cunnilinguist – a guide to oral sex and then some

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Read these oral sex tips for women

Book Cover – The Cunnilinguist

Who knew there was so much to know about oral sex? After wrapping up the 256 pages of The Cunnilinguist, even experts will be a little wiser, with a few more tricks up their sleeves.

Erotic novelist Alex B Porter has put together a comprehensive guide and very thankfully, avoided writing a book anything like most of what you may have seen before. It’s not a lady’s mag “Fifteen tips to rock her world” type of thing. When taken all together, the information within will serve you better than a listicle. You’re not getting a cheat sheet, though, and there won’t be any kama sutra type illustrations. All for the best really, since there are no hard and fast rules to getting your girl off.

read more: Lesbian Sex PSA: If You Don’t Go Down, You Gotta Wonder Why

I do have my quibbles with the book, and they’re mostly about what the book takes as one of its core selling points, right on the cover and in all the marketing — its gender inclusivity.

The real audience of The Cunnilinguist is Gen Z and younger Millenial women. Women who’ve been steeped in gender studies so long that any mention of the sexed body stirs up tannin-bitter expostulations against biology (which is, according to St. Judith Butler, a social construction), but who also want to eat, and be eaten, like it’s happy hour at the raw bar, will find this book (almost) woke enough to get by. For the rest of us? Skip to page 37, ignore the cutesy/cringey chapter headings, and you’re guaranteed to find some interesting information.

For a Queer Audience

Those first 37 pages are introductory. The book begins with a letter from the editor (missing a preposition in the first sentence, which, in fairness, might have put me in a really critical mood for the postmodern bullshit to come) congratulating the book for its gender inclusivity.  The Cunnilinguist provides tips for performing sex on ‘anyone with a vulva.’ This is followed by the author’s own belabored defense of gender neutrality when writing about eating pussy.

Author Alex B Porter is politically motivated by liberal feminism and an obvious desire to distance herself from boring lesbianism (she writes at length of her own identity: “On the basis of being a “woman” who exclusively has sex with other women,” I’d have checked the “female” and “lesbian” boxes without giving it much thought. Not that I’m a big fan of the word lesbian, or of being made to tick boxes.”) There really is no way in the current climate for someone to write a book about the female experience without these boring apologetics, lest any of you nonbinary-vagina people, formerly known as women, feel erased.

Regardless of your personal identity or your pronouns, the reality of having a vulva/vagina/clitoris is an exclusively female experience. As a vagina person myself, who has frequently lamented the inescapable reality of living in a subjugated body, reading third-person singular pronouns and nary a mention of women is the real erasure. 

I just don’t think any of this identity business has any bearing on desire or pleasure. Or if it does, we may have intellectualized and ego-tripped our way out of a raw and interconnected erotic experience. But, as usual, I seriously and second-wavingly digress. 

Fire Oral Sex Tips for Women

On the way to oral sex tips you presumably came here to find, Porter offers a map of the yonic landscape and its most sensitive spots, and to go with it, practical advice about safety and hygiene. This is definitely the first time in history someone has convinced me dental dams can be sexy. She also dispels the idea that wetness is equivocal to pleasure or enjoyment, which is crucial to letting go of some of the insecurities around being a good lover (perhaps even more important for heterosexual women). She writes, “I’m a lesbian. I have a great sex life. I use lube a lot and I LOVE it.” Yep, this checks out. Lesbians love lube.

Read more about safe sex: Do Lesbians Really Use Protection?

Porter’s focus on the receiver is nothing short of radical. So much vulnerability is required to let yourself be lusty, hungry, restless, unsatisfied, greedy, and otherwise unbecoming on the way to pleasure. A lifetime spent in a woman-hating culture telling you your body is disgusting, and probably foul-tasting or smelling is hard to undo in a night. Reaching orgasmic ecstasy takes agency — you need to be able to ask for what you want, reinforce what you like, and maintain strong boundaries around anything that doesn’t feel good.

When you’ve gotten through the basics, the oral sex tips are fire. Tongue exercises will get you in shape and help you prevent fatigue. A few basic positions are offered, which will form the basis of improvisation as things heat up. Foreplay and teasing, pressure and tongue technique, what to do with your hands, how to work the clit, and how to reach the G-spot are all covered in detail.

You may have been told at one point to draw the alphabet with your tongue while you’re going downtown. I know I read this bad advice somewhere. Porter puts this dumb technique to rest, and in its place, provides more creative options.

More than just eating out, The Cunnilinguist is also a primer on fingering, fisting, using toys, mutual masturbation, and getting into dirty talk. There’s really a lot going on, so whether oral is foreplay or the main event, you’re set up to deliver those marathon, multi-orgasmic sessions every woman deserves.