The Lesbian Guide to Holding Hands in Public

Photo: Getty Images

Photo: Getty Images

Holding hands is something most of us have been doing since childhood. It’s one of the most beautiful and innocent acts of love. I say innocent because it is just that. There is nothing sexual about holding hands. I’ve never had someone hold my hand and then think, ” Solid hand hold. I’m ready to fuck!” Have you ever seen a grungy porno focus on a handhold? No way. Holding hands is something we do when we feel absolute comfort and trust with a person and we want a little extra love or support in our day (or we just want to show off because we’re dating someone sexy AF). It’s amazing. I still hold my mom’s hand all the time (I know…I’m almost 30 but whatever).

If holding hands is such an innocent act between two people then why do others react so strongly when gay couples do it? Is it because we should feel shame? Are they uncomfortable because they are religious and their religion does not approve of homosexual relationships? Have they never seen a gay couple before? Are they Amish? Were they in hiding and seeing the world for the first time since the 1950s? Is their life based on the film Blast From the Past? Before I came out of the closet years ago I would often stare at gay couples holding hands (especially lesbians) because I thought gay couples were cool. I wanted to know more about them because I was super, super gay. Maybe everyone is gay! That must be it!

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Although I would love nothing more than to stop people on the street who stare at my girlfriend and me and ask about their thought process, I can’t do that anymore (long story but don’t ask strangers questions about gay stuff, it won’t end well). Instead, I made a list of types of people who stare at lesbians holding hands. Although it’s almost 2019 and most of us are learning more about society and our deeper selves, people can still be homophobic assholes.

The Get A Room People

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These are the type of people that react to gay people holding hands like I would react to seeing public sex in the daytime at a children’s birthday party. These are the people that think, “If you’re going to be gay, be gay but don’t put it all up in my face.” These people are the worst. They must be avoided.

The I’m Nervous So I’m Smiling

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These people see the handhold, react to the handhold, look up from the handhold and smile at you like they’re having the time of their life watching you do that handhold. Yes, they’re smiling but still, very annoying. Why? Because it’s like they’re saying, “I see that you’re gay and I approve.” I don’t care if you approve.

The Shocked Shitless

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They’re shocked shitless you are in public holding hands. What on earth is this sorcery? Lesbians? Women? Without a man? Holding hands? Sorcery!


The Lesbians Are Hot Bros

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These are the guys that often scream in bars, “If you’re really a lesbian then kiss her and prove it!” They are the scum of the earth. They are generally pack animals due to extreme insecurities and penis irregularities and often whistle, wink or shout idiotic things. You are a walking fetish to them because “like all they watch is lesbian porn, dude.”


The Look Away People

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They see you, they notice you’re gay and they immediately look away. In my head, they’re probably thinking, “Oh I hope they didn’t see me looking at them. Sure I’m a little uncomfortable but that’s not why I looked away! I love lesbians! My yoga instructor is a lesbian!” These people are the least annoying because they’re reacting on the inside.


The Closeted Gays

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They might not know it yet, but this group of people is deeply fascinated with your relationship because they are also very much gay. You’ll never really know if they’re actually gay but if your gaydar is generally spot on, you just know.


The Under Your Breath Insulters

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These people rarely come around, but when they do it’s shocking. These are the type of folks that are either closeted, have unresolved anger issues or are crazy religious people and they’re really scary. They usually say hurtful things under their breath and it’s not funny or cool in any way. If this happens to you, shake it off. You’re happy. They’re definitely not.


The Dream Come Trues

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These people see you, or not, it doesn’t really matter because they look at everyone the same. They see you as they see any heterosexual couple. These people are the future (hopefully) and I love them.


The Other Gay People

Photo: Getty Images

Photo: Getty Images

I love when I pass other gay or lesbian couples holding hands with their significant others. It’s a big breath of fresh air. They usually give me a subtle head nod (unless I’m initiating it, which I do often), which means to me, “Hey boo. I see you. Sorry you have to deal with society judging your relationship. Carry on.”

We’re lesbians holding hands. Get over it.



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