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Five Easy & Cheap Last Minute Halloween Couples Costumes

There are Halloween costume people and there are people who put on silver leggings and claim to be a disco ball. I fall into the latter. If you’re like me, and part of a couple and you didn’t have time to nail down one of these hot butch/femme costume ideas, or any of these excellent couples costume ideas, don’t fret. Let’s talk about your costume prospects.

You want an original costume set laced with wit and homoeroticism. You don’t want to dress up as Ellen and Portia or Gertrude and Alice. You kick back and enjoy Halloween’s creepy delights without obsessing over what to wear. You want a decent idea.

I got you.  

Cara: Faded denim jacket, cropped white T, cuffed denim Bermuda shorts, and round metal sunnies.

Bonus flair: Beanie, fake tats, extra large eyebrows, goofy expression.

Annie: Multicolor, mid-length dress in an abstract print, red lipstick, oversized tortoiseshell shades, short curled hair.

Ideal for: Aspiring it girls who like girls.

Similar Costumes: St. Vincent and Carrie Brownstein hiding in the bushes. Cara and Michelle Rodriguez drunk at a sporting event.

I shipped Blair and Serena before I knew what ship meant. You probably wouldn’t expect a lesbian writer with an extensive jean shorts collection to love CW teen sensation Gossip Girl with Mariana Trench depths, but I do. From that fateful 8th grade when I stumbled upon the Gossip Girl series in the YA section of Borders, I have been hooked. Blair Waldorf’s acerbic wit and pathological inferiority complex resonated. Her glamorous Upper East side life was a delicious escape from my grim strip mall reality. Serena and Blair’s passionate, massively dysfunctional friendship is at the core of Gossip Girl. Also in one of the Gossip Girl books, I distinctly remember a passage hinting at a drunk, hot to a makeout session between Blair and Serena.

This Halloween, I will make that magnificent idea a reality by making my statuesque blonde girlfriend dress as the Serena to my dark and devious Blair.

Blair: Preppy school blazer in green or navy, matching skirt, white button up shirt, print tights, STATEMENT HEADBAND (vital), glossy lips, color coordinating handbag, ballet flats, scheming mind.

Serena: Vacant mind, skeins of tousled hair, matching blazer and skirt, knee-high socks, floppy hat, bohemian accessories, loose tie, coral makeup.

Ideal for: Me. Boarding School girls, fencing, illicit Sapphic sex, plaid, and a hawk: this movie has it all. Lost and Delirious is full of time-honored and truly terrible lesbian movie tropes like Psycho Dyke, Treacherous Femme, Caught Naked In Bed, Running Back to Boys, and Big Gay Suicide Finale. I would not advise you to watch this film, but I wholeheartedly advise you to dress as Paulie and Tori. Piper Perabo and Jessica Pare both looked super hot.

Paulie: gray sweatshirt, red bandana, jogger pants, a fake hawk on the shoulder. This is what you’re going for:

Tori: Bee-stung pink lips, burgundy blazer, crisp white button up, shiny oxfords, plaid skirt.

Ideal for: Couples attending a lesbian Halloween party. Straight people won’t get it, boys will assume you’re dressed as slutty Catholic school girls, and then you’ll have to hurt them, and that will put a damper on the evening.

Wanna annoy some straight girls while challenging heteronormativity? Of course you do, it’s marvelous fun. Gal Pals are the most basic of bitches, the Uggs of humanity, the most boring girl you are friends with on Facebook. Bestie Beezies who are “In A Relationship” on Facebook to adorably let boys know they are single but cool with it because they have super fun friends. Basic straight girl gal pals like Starbucks, kissing each other in selfies, sunsets, and every trend they hear. The world is your tedious oyster for Gal Pal Halloween Costume inspiration.

Gal Pal 1: Denim mini skirt, bedazzled flip flops, personalized Starbucks cups, rhinestone earrings, enormous statement necklace, enormous sunglasses, curled extension, french manicure, layered tank tops, fake tan, duck face.

Gal Pal 2: Like what Gal Pal 1 is wearing but slightly different, maybe add a cardigan and tramp stamp.

Ideal for: Bois and Butches. You know that would be hysterical. Please do it and send me pictures.

 

This is a stupendously simple Halloween costume concept. If you and your girlfriend have distinctly different gender expressions, the boi/femme swap is just switching clothes. I’d suggest letting your girlfriend pick an outfit for you among her clothing, but if you want to assemble your own boi/femme ensemble, go to town. Many modern lesbian couples, including the couple I am half of, are less dichotomized. I wear a lot of shorts because I am from Florida and rarely feel cold. She prefers denim and T-shirts in neutral colors. Occasionally we will both wear dresses. People-usually queers who take a lot of selfies-talk a lot about playing with gender, but I dress based on what is clean. Gender play sounds too thought intensive.

Femme: Dress ultra androgynously.

Boi: Channel your inner Kardashian and slither into a figure hugging bodycon dress. I dare you to walk in heels.

Ideal for: Lazy couples.

 

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