There are Halloween costume people and there are people who put on silver leggings and claim to be a disco ball. I fall into the latter. If you’re like me, and part of a couple and you didn’t have time to nail down one of these hot butch/femme costume ideas, or any of these excellent couples costume ideas, don’t fret. Let’s talk about your costume prospects.
You want an original costume set laced with wit and homoeroticism. You don’t want to dress up as Ellen and Portia or Gertrude and Alice. You kick back and enjoy Halloween’s creepy delights without obsessing over what to wear. You want a decent idea.
I got you.
Bonus flair: Beanie, fake tats, extra large eyebrows, goofy expression.
Ideal for: Aspiring it girls who like girls.
Similar Costumes: St. Vincent and Carrie Brownstein hiding in the bushes. Cara and Michelle Rodriguez drunk at a sporting event.
Blair Waldorf and Serena Van Der Woodsen
I shipped Blair and Serena before I knew what ship meant. You probably wouldn’t expect a lesbian writer with an extensive jean shorts collection to love CW teen sensation Gossip Girl with Mariana Trench depths, but I do. From that fateful 8th grade when I stumbled upon the Gossip Girl series in the YA section of Borders, I have been hooked. Blair Waldorf’s acerbic wit and pathological inferiority complex resonated. Her glamorous Upper East side life was a delicious escape from my grim strip mall reality. Serena and Blair’s passionate, massively dysfunctional friendship is at the core of Gossip Girl. Also in one of the Gossip Girl books, I distinctly remember a passage hinting at a drunk, hot to a makeout session between Blair and Serena.
This Halloween, I will make that magnificent idea a reality by making my statuesque blonde girlfriend dress as the Serena to my dark and devious Blair.
Blair: Preppy school blazer in green or navy, matching skirt, white button up shirt, print tights, STATEMENT HEADBAND (vital), glossy lips, color coordinating handbag, ballet flats, scheming mind.
Serena: Vacant mind, skeins of tousled hair, matching blazer and skirt, knee-high socks, floppy hat, bohemian accessories, loose tie, coral makeup.
Ideal for: Me.
Paulie and Tori from Lost and Delirious
Boarding School girls, fencing, illicit Sapphic sex, plaid, and a hawk: this movie has it all. Lost and Delirious is full of time-honored and truly terrible lesbian movie tropes like Psycho Dyke, Treacherous Femme, Caught Naked In Bed, Running Back to Boys, and Big Gay Suicide Finale. I would not advise you to watch this film, but I wholeheartedly advise you to dress as Paulie and Tori. Piper Perabo and Jessica Pare both looked super hot.
Paulie: gray sweatshirt, red bandana, jogger pants, a fake hawk on the shoulder. This is what you’re going for:
Tori: Bee-stung pink lips, burgundy blazer, crisp white button up, shiny oxfords, plaid skirt.
Ideal for: Couples attending a lesbian Halloween party. Straight people won’t get it, boys will assume you’re dressed as slutty Catholic school girls, and then you’ll have to hurt them, and that will put a damper on the evening.