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“Carmilla” recap (2.17 & 2.18): Liver Let Die

Well, well, well. Even though it often feels like my student loan debt is bleeding me dry, it is a far cry from having YOUR LIVER GIVEN TO SOME HELL BEASTS. That’s the sitch at Silas where Mattie looks like she’ll be signing over some choice student body parts to the Corvae Corp, unless Laura and the gang can do anything about it.

All of Laura’s ideas are recycled at this point and LaF and Danny point out they didn’t work in the first place. Time to come up with a brand new, foolproof plan. Anyone? J.P. and his photographic brain recalls that there is a loophole allowing Mattie to be removed from her position by unanimous vote, or basically a war of words. All eyes move to Vordernberg, who is wordy AF but needs a little focusing. They do the requisite training montage and Vordenberg is more interested in chasing Perry around and bragging about how he banged Anastasia.

Danny calls for a break because seriously, this guy is chatty. Then she and Laura lay on each other, while Carmilla mocks their effort and tries not to be pissed at the Hollence happening right now.

Carmilla does her snarky thang, but Laura bites right back and is, frankly, way harsh, Tai. She calls Carm “useless and apathetic,” which isn’t really fair, but Carmilla sees right through it. She thinks that Angry Laura is just trying to get her to come to the rescue, but that’s not happening. Laura legit lunges towards Carmilla, but Danny catches her in her Tall Gay Arms. I’m sorry, I ship Hollstein as much as the next girl, but Danny and Laura were my first swoon on this show. It still lives there in my heart, like an anglerfish trapped in a too small hole.

Laura is all like, “Ugh, vampires are so evil after you break up,” and I think Laura might have misunderstood the whole vampire thing. Evil is kind of their thing, with the blood drinking and killing and immortal life. Just then, Perry brings in some mysterious files that hold the key to taking Mattie down.

In the next episode, the debate is on and everyone is dressed to the nines, except Carmilla who tries to warn Laura that Mattie is probably the least of their worries. But Laura is still pissed so she literally shuts Carmilla out.

The debate begins and Mattie is fierce and annoyed and it’s amazing. She clarifies that no livers would be harmed in the Corvae takeover, as that would be like bruising a peach and no one wants a bruised up ol’ nasty peach.

Mattie reminds everyone that all that’s happening now on campus is to deal with the massive, world ending fishface in a hole. Basically, Silas has to be razed to keep the fish from destroying life itself. She tries to explain the difference between being evil and pragmatic, and it’s moments like this that I love Mattie even more.

Laura doesn’t believe that the students will be spared, so she shows Mattie the paperwork from Perry. She also video conferences in the other board members. Mattie knows her goose is cooked. She’s been discovered as a consultant for Corvae, so of course the well being of Silas is not her main priority. Oh, also, she was planning to kill the board members. Awkward.

Mattie is voted out and Vordenberg is in. Mattie threatens to tear Laura limb from limb, but Carmilla steps in. Pissed off and feeling betrayed, Mattie does her special screech and disappears. Then everyone else (besides Carmilla) does a happy dance.

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it Creampuffs? After the dust settles, Vordernberg issues his first decree as Board Chair. All vampires and suspected vamps are to be arrested. It’s going to start looking like Salem up in here pretty soon. This doesn’t come as a shock however, as Vordernberg’s family was, you know, slaughtered by vampires. Also, he been pretty clear about hating vampires. That escalated quickly.

Dun dun DUUUUNNNNN.

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