“Carmilla” recap (2.17 & 2.18): Liver Let Die

on

Well, well, well. Even though it often feels like my student loan debt is bleeding me dry, it is a far cry from having YOUR LIVER GIVEN TO SOME HELL BEASTS. That’s the sitch at Silas where Mattie looks like she’ll be signing over some choice student body parts to the Corvae Corp, unless Laura and the gang can do anything about it.

Screen Shot 2015-07-31 at 9.40.10 AMBut I’ve grown so attached to my liver and the way it metabolizes and stuff.

All of Laura’s ideas are recycled at this point and LaF and Danny point out they didn’t work in the first place. Time to come up with a brand new, foolproof plan. Anyone? J.P. and his photographic brain recalls that there is a loophole allowing Mattie to be removed from her position by unanimous vote, or basically a war of words. All eyes move to Vordernberg, who is wordy AF but needs a little focusing. They do the requisite training montage and Vordenberg is more interested in chasing Perry around and bragging about how he banged Anastasia.

Screen Shot 2015-07-31 at 9.45.49 AMI’m about to go all Rasputin on his ass.

Danny calls for a break because seriously, this guy is chatty. Then she and Laura lay on each other, while Carmilla mocks their effort and tries not to be pissed at the Hollence happening right now.

Screen Shot 2015-07-31 at 9.48.52 AMMore like Hollerhating.

Carmilla does her snarky thang, but Laura bites right back and is, frankly, way harsh, Tai. She calls Carm “useless and apathetic,” which isn’t really fair, but Carmilla sees right through it. She thinks that Angry Laura is just trying to get her to come to the rescue, but that’s not happening. Laura legit lunges towards Carmilla, but Danny catches her in her Tall Gay Arms. I’m sorry, I ship Hollstein as much as the next girl, but Danny and Laura were my first swoon on this show. It still lives there in my heart, like an anglerfish trapped in a too small hole.

Screen Shot 2015-07-31 at 10.00.11 AMIn this Supernatural “Dawson’s Creek,” am I Dawson or Pacey? Please say Pacey.

Laura is all like, “Ugh, vampires are so evil after you break up,” and I think Laura might have misunderstood the whole vampire thing. Evil is kind of their thing, with the blood drinking and killing and immortal life. Just then, Perry brings in some mysterious files that hold the key to taking Mattie down.

Screen Shot 2015-07-31 at 10.02.18 AMThese Excel Spreadsheets are sorted so beautifully. Thanks, Perry.