If Lesbians Ran the Republican Party

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Culture

20Maddow

Women’s sports FINALLY receive equal funding thanks to the NFL being lightly taxed for the first time ever.

Modern dance and performance art reach excruciating new lows.

The Motion Picture Association of America implements the Bechdel Test in movie and TV rating system. Male news anchors loudly explain that women don’t want to talk to women about men, and that is a woman’s sacred choice.

Female Viagra is approved by the FDA, curing lesbian bed death once and for all.

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Unhappily married women of all sexual orientations are horrified to discover their vaginas are functioning normally.

The “Star Spangled Banner” gets a folk rock makeover.

Androgyny is the new Abercrombie.

Denim vests are the new cardigan.

Tegan and Sara invited to sing at Presidential Inauguration.

Foreign Affairs

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Adoption regulation undergoes a complete overall. Babies can now be adopted from third world countries via app.

Themed cruises make record-breaking profits.

The keystone pipeline would import vodka from Russia and marijuana from Mexico.

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Dykes on bikes sent to patrol the Mexican/American border.

Great Misandry/Misogyny War of 2025 wipes out entire forums.

Domestic Affairs

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Sarah Palin gets an undercut.

Gay marriage goes from “a right” to “a right that shouldn’t be rushed into” to “a right after mandatory six month getting to know you period.”

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George Bush paints family portrait of Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres

WOMEN’S RIGHTS FOR ALL (even men).

Gay marriage goes from “a right” to “a right that shouldn’t be rushed into” to “a right after mandatory six month getting to know you period”.

Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter accused, tried, and acquitted of war crimes. Twice. Dick is terribly proud.  

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