“Top Chef” Recap: Episode 4.11 “Restaurant Wars”


Once they’re all done serving their time in The Hole, Helene says they all did a remarkable job and that it was a tough decision. She says she wrestled between two people: Antonia, who was calm and controlled, and Dale, who was smooth. Who was eggstraordinary? (See, I told you egg puns were hard.) Antonia.

No matter what else happens this episode, the priceless look on Dale’s face when he loses has made it all worth it. As the winner, she gets an advantage to be named later in the Elimination Challenge.

Take me to you, Padma — Tom tells the chefs he has a charity event to go to and won’t be at the Elimination Challenge. No Tom at Judges’ Table? That’s like no sun in the morning. Or no moon at night. Wait, I think I just accidentally lapsed into song.

Tom hands Antonia a secret message telling the chefs where to meet Padma. No one knows the address, so they whip out their handy-dandy GPS-enabled cell phones. Gosh, Verizon, you’re the best. Can you hear the product placement now?

The chefs arrive at an unfamiliar building. Inside an empty warehouse, they find the lovely Padma. Now, if Verizon sold a GPS-enabled phone that would lead me to Padma’s exact location anywhere on the planet, that’s something I would actually buy. Wait, forget this recap, I’m copyrighting that. It’s my idea, mine!

As I plot ways to triangulate the precise longitude and latitude of Padma at any given moment, the chefs are told that the whole Wedding Wars in lieu of Restaurant Wars challenge was a ruse. That’s right, biotches, Restaurant Wars is back!

The news makes everyone happy. Dorky smiles and fist pumps abound. Last chefbian standing Lisa can’t wait.

Lisa: I am really excited about this. This is like what I’ve been f—ing waiting for. Restaurant Wars was initially my goal, and I was like I want to make it not to, but through Restaurant Wars.

How to be a team player — The six chefs will split into two teams and divide the space where they’re standing in half to make their restaurant. Each team will serve 35 diners on a budget of $1,500 for food and $5,000 for décor.

At this point, Antonia learns what her secret advantage is: She gets to pick her own team. Wow, now that’s one hell of an advantage. Antonia, being a very smart girl, picks Stephanie and Richard.

Stephanie: It’s kind of funny. We were on the team of Wedding Wars together, and the other three people were on the team for Wedding Wars together. It’s sort of like a rematch.

It may be a rematch, but it’s hardly a fair fight. Take a look at those teams, folks — who do you think will work the best together?

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