Turns out chocolate isn’t a choice either


Crave chocolate daily? Feel as though there is an alien gestating in your belly that might just burst through unannounced if you don’t get that daily dose of sugary goodness?

No need to call in Ripley. Turns out, it’s not an alien after all.

Seems those folks wandering the halls of academia have far too much time on their hands. First, they come up with a mathematical formula to determine which woman has the best sashay, which was clearly an excuse for math geeks to follow hot chicks around without fear of reprisals. Now, they’re eating chocolate and calling it research.

Now, I’m not one of those people that crave chocolate on a daily basis. I can take it or leave it really, which I’m certain will shock you chocoholics out there. It certainly makes my wife look at me funny on occasion. Turns out, I have an excuse. My belly doesn’t have the same little microbes swimming around in it. Seriously.

So, the fact is, there might actually be some scientific value to this whole chocolate study thing. According to researchers, the implications of their little, and I do mean little, study might give them insight into how to treat obesity. You say you have the chocolate microbe? No problem. We’ll just eliminate that little bugger and presto, no more chocolate cravings. Watch the pounds melt away.

Okay, so they’re saying they hope to identify the little microbial miscreants who make us crave things that are a bit more detrimental than mere chocolate. After all, who would want to eliminate a desire for chocolate? Though not a scientifically proven aphrodisiac, it does contain certain things that are proven to increase energy (can you say caffeine?), increase stamina and increase feelings of well-being. What’s wrong with wanting a daily dose of that?

Why am I telling you this? Why does this matter? Because it has just become my new favorite analogy when people ask me questions they don’t really want the answer to. When people ask me why I’m gay, my answer will forever be, "Because I like chocolate. Can’t help it, that’s the way I was made."

When my son gets teased in school and asks me why his family looks different from other kid’s families, this will be my answer. "Because your mom and I like chocolate. Not everyone does and that’s okay. God just made us this way. We could choose to ignore it, hide it, or we could accept the chocolate loving stuff in our bellies and live honestly. We like honesty best. And that’s the truth."

And then we’ll give him some chocolate to soothe away the teasing. And he’ll know we love him, even though other people don’t. With chocolate, we’ll teach him about living honestly, about loving who he is, no matter who he is turns out to be. And we’ll teach him that other people are worthy of loving, whether they like chocolate or not, because they didn’t have a choice either.

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