Dr. Laura takes a pie in the face

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The other day, as I was pondering how to commemorate fallen American heroes,

I thought to myself, "Well…I could take a pie in the face at the

circus to honor them." Unfortunately, just as I picked up the phone to

call Ringling Bros.,

I learned that Dr. Laura Schlessinger had beaten me to the

punch.

Circus Vargas,

a Big Top circus in Southern California, has planned a special event on September

11 at the Laguna Hills Mall to honor the aforementioned heroes. They’ve booked

conservative radio personality Dr. Laura Schlessinger as a special guest performer.

And, not only will she perform in the show, she’ll take a

pie in the face from an audience member
at intermission.

Bidding for the event begins at $1,000 with the pie honors going to the top

bidder. Impressively, Circus Vargas will be donating 100% of ticket sales and

all proceeds from the Dr. Laura pie-in-the-face-bidding to the Injured

Marine Semper Fi fund
. (Given that the federal government does not adequately

care for injured marines and their families, it’s good that the circus is doing

its part to help.)

As odd that the event seems, I guess there is a certain internal logic. Sort

of. Dr. Laura’s son is a paratrooper stationed in Afghanistan, so it makes sense

that she would be particularly invested in an armed forces-related fundraiser.

(Unfortunately, her son was also investigated this spring for allegedly posting

violent and racist content on his MySpace

page
. And it’s probably not too difficult to find people who would enjoy

hitting her in the face – and might even settle for doing so with a pie.

Perhaps the high bidder will be a member of the GLBT community – or a

"biological error"

as she has charmingly called us in the past. Regardless, I’m sure a good time

will be had by all.

And, if for some reason Dr. Laura has to cancel, they can just replace her

with Judith Light and nobody will know the difference.

I swear they were separated at birth. But Judith Light is very pro-gay, so

don’t actually hit her with a pie.

If you’ll be in the Laguna Hills area on September 11 and would like to catch

the festivities, click here

for ticket information. (If you’re a firefighter, police office or member of

the military, you can get in free.)

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