It’s nice to know that some things in life never change. The sun will rise and set each day in its never-ending loop through space and time. The tides will ebb and flow as they perform their magnetic dance with the moon. And Anne Heche will still be nuttier than a fruitcake.
In divorce papers filed this week, Heche’s estranged husband Coley Laffoon claims that the former half of the world’s most famous lesbian power couple was a bad parent to their 5-year-old son, Homer, and a persistent passenger on the crazy bus.
“[Heche] has at times exhibited bizarre and delusional behavior for which she refuses to seek professional help.”
To this, the current Men in Trees star shot back with her own statement that read:
“It is disappointing that Coley Laffoon has resorted to filing lies with the court because Anne would not cave in to his astronomical monetary demands, including his demand for $45,000 a month in support. For the past several years, the child’s father has refused to get a job in order to contribute financially to the child’s care.”
Oh, it’s on! Though, Anne, I don’t think you’re helping your I’m-not-crazy cause by referring to yourself in the third person. But it could have been worse: You could have called yourself Celestia.
Gay women everywhere have had an awkward (to say the least) relationship with the actress since her high-profile relationship with Ellen DeGeneres ended in 2000. It didn’t help matters that shortly after the breakup, Heche started shacking up with cameraman Laffoon, whom she married a year later. And it really didn’t help that she popped up dazed and confused in Fresno to await the mothership and pull a modified Robert Downey, Jr. by showering in some stranger’s house (though, to her credit, at least she asked — unlike Downey, who just Goldilocksed some kid’s bed).
I realize that since Heche has admitted to a history of mental illness in her autobiography, aptly titled Call Me Crazy, it’s a bit like shooting those proverbial fish in that proverbial barrel to do the same. Plus, accusations made at divorce procedures are usually meant to inflict maximum damage, not maximum truthfulness. The actress left Laffoon to be with her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper, so good will is probably in short supply on both sides.
Still, I thought this quote from Bones star David Boreanaz, who worked with Heche on the new film Suffering Man’s Charity, was telling:
“She gives a very interesting reading to her character. I’m expecting a fastball, but I love to be fooled when she throws a slider.”
“Interesting.” Very diplomatic, David. Anne Heche, still throwing sliders after all these years.
