Previously on Mistresses, everyone cheated on everyone. I feel like that’s always going to be the “previously on,” so just don’t forget it.
We open on Savi and her husband, post-sexytimes. They look exhausted.
They exchange “I love you lately”s which seems a little strange but they’re both smiling so let’s go with it. Savi is late for work, again, but she doesn’t seem to mind so much. She tries (and succeeds in) distracting her husband from her lateness with kisses.
Meanwhile, April is dropping her daughter off for school. She spots and waves to Hot Dad Richard, but Richard is having none of it. Not keen on being stood up twice in a row, it seems.
Across town, Karen is making a mess in her office. Sensing trouble, Handsome Jacob materializes and asks her what’s wrong, because she only causes tornadoes when she’s in distress. She says she’s been having some personal issues and then, as if on cue, her dead lover’s wife appears and asks to chat. She says Sam has dropped out of school, so Karen refers him to a therapist that is decidedly not her.
Then, just to upstage everyone else ever, Joss shows up to work, legs first.
Everyone in Joss’s office is in a tizzy because a new boss swooped in and hasn’t said anything, so they all assume the worst. She assures them she has it under control and goes into the big man’s office, where he’s chatting in Italian on the phone. When he doesn’t respond to her standard-level advances, she starts turning on her charm IN ITALIAN. How he does not fall directly off his chair is beyond me, because I almost fell off mine and I wasn’t sitting three feet away from her.
Instead, he tells her that her outfit is not appropriate and he will not be as easily impressed as Mack had been.
Savi finally makes it into her office, where Dominic is wondering where she’s been. She makes up excuses, but Dom says they’re going to have to make up for it with all-nighters. Savi is freaking out because she thinks he’s hitting on her but poor Dominic can’t help it that his sultry voice makes everything sound like an innuendo.
At their regularly scheduled panic session, Karen is freaking out that Sam is moving into Tom’s old bachelor pad. She’s convinced she left evidence of herself behind, but Savi points out that there’s no way her OCD would let her. Once she calms Karen down, Savi addresses her own concerns – she’s not sure she can pull off spending nights in the office with Dominic. Karen believes Savi when she says she won’t do it again, but Savannah doesn’t look as sure of her own will power.
Joss goes to visit April at her store because she needs someone to vent to about her new boss. However, in the middle of her rant, she gets a text from him to meet her at a hotel at 8pm. April is a little wigged out by this, but Joss is convinced she has Olivier playing on her terms now, so she’s quite pleased with herself.
Joss shows up to the hotel, dressed to the nines. No, I take that back. Dressed to the elevens.
Joss is a little confused because Olivier doesn’t seem as flirtatious as people normally are with her. In fact, he’s talking business. He wants to know why she has more properties than everyone else. Joss says it’s because she’s good at what she does, but he wants proof. He’s taking half of her properties from her until she sells a house she’s been sitting on for a year. Also, it turns out that he’s just using the hotel restaurant to conduct business, because one of her coworkers shows up soon to take her place. Joss is HIGHLY offended. Helena from Orphan Black needs to come cut this Olivier down to size.
Savi and Dom are spending their first late night in the office together and Savi’s guilty conscience is making her into a crazy person. He paid for dinner and they accidentally brushed hands and you would think he was giving her a striptease the way she flips out on him and tells him they need to be normal, like they were before.
THEN THEY START GETTING IT ON.
Oh, wait, phew. It’s just a dream. A very, very vivid dream that wakes Savi up in a panic. Guilty conscience is guilty.
To try to assuage her guilt, Savi books a two week vacation for her and Harry without consulting him first. Because that’s not suspicious at all. He looks at her like she’s insane because hello, he can’t take two weeks off his restaurant to which he is still in debt.
Speaking of guilty consciences, Karen is breaking into Tom’s love den wearing giant sunglasses as a “disguise” and being about as sneaky as a Pretty Little Liar. While looking around, she finds a blowtorch that brings back fond memories of her and her fiery affair. (OK, that was bad, but it wasn’t as bad as Tom’s cheesy metaphors.)
While Karen is lost in her flashback, Sam arrives at the apartment. Karen hides until he walks by and scurries out as soon as she can – but leaves her sunglasses behind. To recap, Karen went there looking for evidence that she had been there, found none, but left NEW evidence that she had been there. Ten points from…nowhere. You’re a squib, Karen. Get it together.
April’s doorbell rings and it’s Richard, there to pick up his daughter. April tries to apologize for standing him up twice, explaining in a very vague, roundabout way about some of the drama going on. He seems very apathetic to her plight and doesn’t even crack a smile before leaving.
Back at the firm, Savi pops into her boss’s office to tell him that the case they’re working on probably doesn’t need her and Dom on it. Her boss agrees a little too quickly, but Savi is glad to have less chances for temptation and skips back to her own office. There, she calls April to try to apologize again, because this is the longest they’ve gone in 20 years without speaking.
Karen finds Savi and tells her about her failed spy mission. Savi warns her once again to STAY AWAY from that family, but Karen says she still misses Tom. Savi tells her that she needs to move on. Karen asks, “Move on to what?” Savi says, “Join a bowling league, start a book club, anything! Losing someone sucks, but you don’t need to replace that someone with another someone just to be happy.” I’m just kidding, she said nothing.
Then, like an angel from heaven, Joss comes strutting into April’s store, dressed in Olivier’s version of appropriate work attire, and complaining that her turtleneck is like “neck Spanx.”
April tries to complain a bit about Richard, but Joss is over it. She has important issues – like how she’s going to sell the tackiest house on the planet to get the rest of her properties back.
At her office, Karen and Handsome Jacob chat a bit and I might be reading into things here, but I’m almost positive he admits to being a secret superhero. Karen asks him to accompany her to a party tonight, and he agrees.
Savi is surprised at home when she answers the door and Dominic is standing there. He is not pleased, because her telling bossman the new case was a one-man job caused him to take Dom off the case. Dom finally calls Savi on her crazy and tells her that HE can behave like an adult, so she should probably give that a try.
Joss, the quick-thinker that she is, has whipped out a killer party for her fugly mansion. She had Harry cater, got a DJ, and dimmed the lights. She’s determined to show potential buyers what they could have if they bought the house. It is tres swanky.
Proving my superhero theory, Handsome Jacob saves Karen the Squib from getting her car stolen because she tried to give her keys to a random dude she thought was a valet Joss is glad to see them because she is in “hipster hell.” Olivier shows up, but does not have any faith in Little Miss Carver.
April is surprised to see Hot Dad Richard at this random party, and it seems he was dragged there by a friend as well. He’s being standoffish, but eventually they end up on the balcony bonding over neither of them belonging. April apologizes for all the bailing she did and gathers her courage and asks him out again. Proving he’s not a COMPLETE idiot, he tells her that she is the most stunning creature. Proving he’s still a little bit of an idiot, he tells her that he doesn’t want a pretty girl with baggage, because he’s been there, done that.
Inside, Karen gets a call from Sam, who is in the hospital. She then leaves Handsome Jacob standing all alone in the middle of the party. Poor Handsome Jacob.
Not too long after, Joss glides on up to Olivier, and admits she didn’t get an offer on the house – she got three. One night, one open house, one hundred thousand above asking price. Olivier, you’ve been Joss’d. Boom.
April leaves the party and goes to Savi’s to finally make up with her best friend. Savi ends up losing it and April tells her that it’s going to be OK, as long as she positively absolutely never ever tells Harry that she cheated on him. Which means she’ll probably tell him tomorrow, because these girls are not good at taking one another’s advice.
After April leaves and Harry is asleep, Savannah takes a test and finds out she is pregnant. She better find out who the father is fast because there will be no mistaking it once the baby pops out.
I know, I know, super straight problems this week. But Jes Macallan promised me that the Joss/Alex storyline will be worth the wait:
@PunkyStarshine @ShanSossamon I know!! Don’t worry.. She shall return… And it shall be epic.
– Jes Macallan (@jesmacallan) June 18, 2013
Here are some of our other favorite #HomoWrecker tweets from this week:
Who handles Joss’ wardrobe because YES, PLEASE, and THANK YOU. #Mistresses #HomoWrecker @jesmacallan
– NicS (@njnic23) June 18, 2013
Hopefully the son doesn’t see one of those flashbacks while he’s looking for a spatula or something #homowrecker
– Andy (@aranthur) June 18, 2013
What is joss wearing I can’t see her body at all #homowrecker
– NayaCutYoNails (@NayaCutYoNails) June 18, 2013
Breath…leaving..lungs…Phoebes sexy outfit rendering me unable to think. Talk about Charmed. #homowrecker #mistresses @Alyssa_Milano
– Elizabeth D-V (@324_B21) June 18, 2013
Olivier is a douchier. #HomoWrecker #Mistresses @jesmacallan
– NicS (@njnic23) June 18, 2013
They are fans of the headband on this show. #homowrecker
– Dana Piccoli (@DanaPiccoli) June 18, 2013
Did they show us Naya’s M&M commercial to make up for the severe, SEVERE lack of Joss and Alex? #HomoWrecker
– K (@SmartLittleLiar) June 18, 2013
