Within the first 60 seconds of the pilot episode of Mistresses, we have Alyssa Milano, looking sexier than ever, with cleavage to boot.
So far, we’re off to a great start.
Alys-sorry, Savannah sidles up to a bar and immediately starts flirting with a handsome blonde man who is already sitting. They coyly flirt before leaving together, but first she tells him to put on his wedding ring.
When they get back to a bedroom, the man interrupts things with his beautiful Australian accent…that kills the mood. They’re married and Savannah is ovulating and this was all just a role playing game that fizzled.
Meanwhile, at a Pretty Things store, we meet the beautiful April, who is embarrassed to find out her friend put an app on her phone which basically seems like the straight version of Grindr, and is causing a sketchy dude to hit on her. She is none too pleased and scurries away from the creepy customer.
In her office, we meet Karen, a therapist. She seems to be having wine while talking to her patient? My kind of therapy. She is very familiar with this particular client, and he ends up telling her that he is dying. But wait, there’s more-even though his diagnosis has made his marital problems seem trivial, it also makes him feel compelled to tell Karen he’s also in love with her. This leads to sexytimes and him asking her to help him make his last moments on earth less painful.
In an office building, Josslyn is having sexytimes of her own with her boss. He says something about leaving his wife and she literally begs him not to. He can’t believe his luck when she struts out without strings…or her panties.
Six weeks later, on the way to show a house (she’s a real estate agent), Joss calls her sister, Savannah. Savannah is telling her about her babymaking problems and Joss is just glad she doesn’t have to deal with that crap. She hangs up with her sister as the couple she is showing the house to arrives-a beautiful lesbian couple.
Karen arrives at her lover’s funeral, and someone approaches her to tell her that the family wants to see her. His wife thanks her, hugs her, holds her hand through the service. She has no idea. The son, Sam, on the other hand, knows his dad was having an affair and wants to talk to Karen about it in private at the wake. Karen runs into Savannah at the funeral and takes her up on the invite to April’s party to avoid having to talk to Sam.
April, Josslyn, Karen and Savannah are at the party, catching up. They’ve been friends for a long time, it seems, but have been out of touch lately. April mentions the sex-finder app Josslyn put on her phone and says that she isn’t sure if she’s ready to move on from her husband, who died three years ago. April tells her friends about phone calls she’s been getting with nothing but shallow breathing on the other end, which she thinks it’s her dead husband’s ghost sending her messages to not move on.
Just then, a Hot Dad strolls on in the room. Joss audibly notices when he mentions his ex and he makes all kinds of awkward flirty faces at April.
At a doctor’s appointment, Savi and her husband learn that Savannah’s fertility tests were all fine. Her husband, however, has weird sperm, which makes him very sad.
In more interesting news, Josslyn is now in a big fancy house, looking fierce as ever. She’s bonking her boss again and says he has to go because she has to show the house. He informs her that he put a bid on the house for them to use as their love nest, since Joss’s lease is about to run out.
Joss and Savi decide to talk about their problems during some sisterly bonding – at a lingerie store. (Just go with it.)
Savi is going to try to distract her husband from his sadness with her sexiness, and she informs Josslyn that Mack’s offer sounds a little like being a sex slave and that she should think carefully before agreeing to it.
Meanwhile, at Karen’s office, Sam’s son stops by for a visit. He tells her that right before he died, he fought with his father because he came across a letter from his mistress. He says he wants to meet the mistress because maybe his dad didn’t die alone like they said he did, maybe the mistress can tell him that his dad didn’t die hating him.
Savannah gets called into the office right from the lingerie store, and her partner makes it clear that he enjoys her choice in under-clothes. After their meeting, he even offers to finish her work for her if she gives him a peek. She actually agrees and lets Skeezy McGee stare at her garter-clad legs for five whole seconds. It wasn’t as risqué as it could have been but it still creeped me right out.
Hot Dad pays April a visit in her store and he’s awkward and kind of precious. He makes a joke and she laughs and he actually thanks her for laughing. He fumbles through asking her on a date and she really can’t help but say yes.
Savi goes to her husband’s restaurant, but he says he’s too busy to play with her, despite her lingerie, which makes me feel like perhaps he needs his vision checked. This causes her to go home and change into her sweatpants, even though all she wanted tonight was to feel sexy.
In yet another gorgeous house, Josslyn is with the lesbian couple again-Sally and Alex. Alex likes this one, but Sally is not too sure. When she gets a phone call and steps away, Joss asks Alex if Sally wears the pants. And while she is literally wearing pants, the reason she gets to call the shots is because she pays the bills. Alex says, “I don’t mind it” but Joss can tell otherwise, and says as much, but doesn’t press the matter.
Savi, still looking gorgeous in her non-lingerie PJs, gets a call from April-she has a date tonight and she realized she had asked the wrong sister for advice. Sure enough, by the time Savi gets to April’s, her sister had slathered her friend in glitter and was exposing as much leg as she could. Savi puts her sister on kid-duty and as soon as she’s out of sight, she begins un-Jossifying April.
As April’s finishing getting ready, the phone rings…she’s afraid it will be another ghost call, that it’s a sign she’s not ready. But before she can call to cancel her date, the doorbell rings. But wait-it’s not Hot Dad, it’s Karen. A very sad Karen. She found out that, in his dying moments, her lover chose to have his wife by his side, helping him end his pain with the extra morphine Karen had prescribed.
The girls all put in their two cents, but Savi gives lawyerly advice-Karen needs to sever all ties with this family, because between the sleeping with a patient and the euthanasia, she’s a walking lawsuit waiting to happen.
The next day at work, Savannah’s partner is staying in character and being overly flirtatious. They are interrupted by Josslyn-who is wearing a corset? I don’t know what it is, but it’s fabulous.
Joss decides that her sister was right, that the whole love nest thing was a tad strange, so instead she is moving into Savannah’s pool house.
Back at Savannah’s, Hurricane Joss is making a mess. Savi’s husband accuses her of being passive aggressive by letting her sister move in, but Savi is anything but passive. She demands they talk about things, but immediately regrets it because her jerkface husband just starts yelling about her “desperate getup” and how she probably didn’t even want to have a baby anyway. SIR. IT’S OKAY THAT YOUR LIL’ SWIMMERS ARE A BIT SLOW. STOP MAKING SAVANNAH CRY.
At April’s shop, Hot Dad is being really cute about having been cancelled on last minute. He gets her to ask him out this time and I hope this works out because I love April’s smile.
Savannah and April trace the mystery calls (well, at least the last one) to a beautiful beach motel. A woman answers, and says that perhaps the prank calls had been coming from her young son. The girls apologize and leave, and April she says she thinks she’s finally ready to let go of her late husband.
Sam shows up at Karen’s office with flowers to thank her for a bonding session in which she convinced him that his father loved him. He unashamedly flirts with her and even asks her out for coffee even though it is very unclear how old this boy is. Yikes.
April’s doorbell rings and she opens it to see the woman from the motel standing there. She introduces herself as Miranda, and says she knew her husband – in the biblical sense. She issues forth an adorable child and says April’s husband is his father.
Meanwhile, at her office, Savannah is pretending to be a supervillain.
Okay, maybe she’s just moping. Her partner comes in and sees she’s weak, so he goes stands all close to her, smoldering. She really can’t help but kiss him. (I mean, she totally could have, but she didn’t.) This obviously leads to immediate desk sex.
Josslyn meets up once again with Alex-but this time without her wife. Sally had apparently woken up that morning and decided she no longer wanted a waterfront property. She apologizes profusely for them being so difficult, but Joss brushes it off and says she loves a challenge. She hands her a mimosa and they bond over their appreciation of the view.
The previews for this season look steamy, friends (like, shower steamy). There was even a voiceover clip of Alex asking Josslyn if she ever “drives down the other side of the road” and whether or not she has before, she’s about to take a ride.
What was your favorite part of the pilot episode of Mistresses? Are you hooked, or do you need a little more convincing?
Here are some of our favorite #HomoWrecker tweets from this week:
Well hellooooo, Alyssa Milano! #HomoWrecker
– K (@SmartLittleLiar) June 4, 2013
Welp it’s official. I’m super obsessed with Mistresses. And @jesmacallan is hilarious and gives the best worst advice ever! #homowrecker
– Maggie Rose (@margaretrosey) June 4, 2013
#homowrecker Making Savannah/Sam cry will get you a scathing mention in the AE recap!
– S Spears (@SAfricaphotog) June 4, 2013
Someone should hit him for making @alyssa_milano cry! #HomoWrecker
– Anne-Nicole Hanus (@anhanus) June 4, 2013
DUDE. ALYSSA MILANO WANTS TO FUCK YOU. STOP WHINING ABOUT YOUR STUPID SPERM. #Mistresses #HomoWrecker
– K (@SmartLittleLiar) June 4, 2013
#homowrecker I saw a ponytail of swagger! @jesmacallan Joss is gonna rock it!
– S Spears (@SAfricaphotog) June 4, 2013
He bought her a house just to have sex in it? What am I doing wrong? #HomoWrecker #Mistresses
– Shazan LaShazawn (@ShanLaShawn) June 4, 2013
Also, we were having a lot of fun on Twitter with the hilarious Jes Macallan last night during the episode, and she loves our AE hashtag! She said she’d be joining the live-tweeting fun whenever she can.
“@punkystarshine: @jesmacallan Glad you like it! We’ll be here live-tweeting every week! :)” ill be there!!!!
– Jes Macallan (@jesmacallan) June 4, 2013
