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“Orphan Black” recap: The Cutest Geek Monkey (1.06)

Previously on Orphan Black, we had five episodes of insanity. Sarah, a woman who grew up an orphan, saw a girl who looked just like her kill herself, then assumed her identity – which was Beth, a police detective. She discovers that Beth was not the only person out there who looked like her and that she was one in a series of clones. Unfortunately, it seems these clones are being killed off one by one. The clones suspect Beth’s boyfriend, Paul, of being a secret agent of sorts, monitoring Beth/Sarah and sending information to some unknown entity. The clones are working together to figure out who they are, where they came from, and who is out to get them – all while trying to retain some normalcy in their everyday lives.

We open on Allison (the housewife clone) watching the video from the nanny cam she set up in her bedroom to see if her husband, Donnie, was a spy, much like Paul turned out to be. She sees on the video that her husband disappeared for a few hours in the middle of the night, so she confronts him.

In the kitchen, Donnie is slamming cabinet doors and muttering to himself about how NOTHING is ready for the neighborhood potluck and could she try to HELP him a little and I wonder if maybe Donnie went to a brainswapping factory because he is acting like a Stepford wife and not the lazy husband of episodes past. Allison ignores his ranting and asks where he went last night, but he deflects and gets angrier and angrier until finally Allison takes a golf club and hits him IN THE FACE.

Meanwhile, at Beth’s apartment, Paul is asking Sarah questions now that he knows she was impersonating his dead girlfriend. Sarah asks where the secret test results go and he says they to go his boss, Olivier, but he doesn’t know what they do with them or what kind of tests they are. He calls Sarah “twin sister” and Sarah knows he’s not lying about how little he knows. (By the end of this episode, I felt like Joey in that episode of Friends where they know but they don’t know WE know they know, etc.)

Having the answers she needs, Sarah wickedly questions him a little more while she undresses “for a shower.” He’s distracted long enough for her to escape through the window. While he’s practically looking at her. Genius.

In the car, Sarah calls Cosima (the scientist clone) and tells her that, even though Paul is her Monitor, he doesn’t know about the clones. Cosima mentions that she might have a Monitor of her own as Delphine (speak of the devil) slinks around the library behind her. Sarah (who is now calling Cosima “Cos.” Which is adorable.) tells her to stay away, but Cos doesn’t want to feel like she’s just the “geek monkey,” so as soon as she hangs up, she struts right up to Delphine. Delphine, in her lovely French accent, invites Cosima to a Neolution lecture, which Cosima thinks is odd, but she agrees to go anyway.

Sarah is barely off the phone when Allison calls and says she needs her to come over, as she drags her unconscious husband down to her basement and ties him to a chair. When Donnie comes to, Allison resumes her line of questioning, this time while wielding a glue gun. The first time she drips hot glue on his chest is an accident and she wigs herself out, but then she gets kind of into playing “bad cop.”

However, in her blind rage, Allison forgot that the whole neighborhood was coming over. Her friend Ainsley and husband are very chipper and…helpful. Which immediately makes me suspicious. Allison quickly calligraphies an “off limits” sign for the basement and runs downstairs for “chips” aka wine and happy pills. While down there, Sarah shows up and Allison is basically like, “Please impersonate me while interrogating my husband who is tied to a chair in my craft room while I serve some cheese and crackers. Don’t mind the burn marks on his chest.”

Sarah  puts up a little resistance, but she does owe Allison a favor, and damn that woman is persuasive, so she puts on a pretty pink shirt and a headband and heads on in.

When Sarah-as-Allison gives Donnie a glass of water, he says he got up to watch cricket in the middle of the night. To which I say, really? That’s the best cover story you could come up with?

Anyway, clearly not understanding how vulnerable a position he’s in, he starts yelling like a douche-canoe again and Sarah loses her cool. She tells him to stop treating his wife like dirt because she is a rock and he doesn’t want to lose what they have — the kids, the home, the family. Everything Sarah never had.

Back on the grad school campus, Cosima and Delphine go to see a rather…eccentric lecturer. He picks on Cosima and her glasses a little bit, but Cos sasses him right back. After the lecture, Cosima and Delphine are milling about at the cocktail hour when Delphine spots the lecturer sidles up to him, motioning for Cosima to follow. Cos sasses him again and calls him on his BS and he tries to flirt with her but she is absolutely not interested. Delphine calls her a brat and Cosima says they should get out of there, stealing two bottles of wine, and my heart in the process.

Meanwhile, at the potluck, Allison is drunk as a skunk. Felix, who has arrived dressed in his preppiest attire to tend bar, saves her from herself and brings her downstairs to Sarah. Together, our little clones realize that Donnie is not a Monitor, he’s just…Donnie.

Drunk Allison slurs that she thinks her monitor is probably “one of those bitches upstairs” and while Felix agrees, motioning to a never-too-far-away Ainsley, I still think her husband Chad is suspicious. And possibly a little gay.

On campus, Cosima and Delphine escape with the bottles of wine, and they Brittana-run to the quad.

Before they part ways, Cosima tells Delphine she’s going to get her soooo high someday, to which Delphine responds, ‘It’s nice to make a friend in the brave new world.’ Based on the look on Cosima’s face when her new French friend kisses her on either cheek, I think she might be equal parts suspicious of her intentions and falling for that accent.

In suburbia, Paul has GPS’d his way to Allison’s house…but not before Vic shows up. Paul slithers in the back door and sees Allison passed out. At first he thinks it’s Beth, but she didn’t have a scar on her neck. Next he tries “Sarah” but that’s not right either. Drunk Allison mutters her name and gets in a slurred pick up line before Paul here’s a crash in the craft room. He goes inside to find Donnie, tied to a now overturned chair. Next to him, a laptop live-streaming the bedroom from the nanny cam, where he spots Vic and Sarah.

Paul heads to the bedroom and he, Vic and Sarah are about to move the conversation to the garage to avoid being walked in on when who should reappear like a toothache? Ainsley. She doesn’t press very hard about the two shady strangers in her bedroom, but instead starts to talk about her husband’s affair…I don’t know if a normal nosey neighbor would have dropped it that fast.

Once in the garage, Vic makes the mistake of getting close enough to Paul for him flip him over and aim a nail gun at his throat. Sarah finally shakes her tail and tries to assure Paul that Vic doesn’t know anything, but when Vic tries to escape, he gets his good hand nail-gunned to a chair.

While this is going on, Ainsley sneaks right past the “off limits” sign and finds a sleeping Alison in the basement. She takes her to bed and somehow finds her way to the garage (shady) where she is surprised to see Sarah. Paul is literally losing his mind, because he goes to draw his gun, but Sarah-as-Allison grabs his hand and convinces Ainsley that she’s having an affair, so she scoots without further question.  

Later that night, the real Allison gets in bed with her scared-looking husband and she starts to apologize for her extreme mental breakdown, but he says it was his fault and that he’s sorry…and for a minute I believe him, but then he starts spewing this cockamamie story about his mystery box being full of letters from a girl he had a flirtationship with. He says she got lupus and then he never heard from her again but I’m going to go all Cosima and call BULLSHIT because when he was burning whatever was in that box, he was on the phone with someone who was definitely (well, probably) not dead from lupus.

At the late Beth’s loft, Paul offers Sarah a drink. First he grabs a bottle that he had added some shady powder to earlier, but as Sarah starts to come clean about the clone thing, saying they found 9 genetic identicals so far, he changes his mind and chooses the non-poison booze instead.

On campus, Delphine returns to a hotel room, dressed to the nines, and who is there, but Professor Neolution himself. So it seems like Cosima is playing Delphine who is playing Cosima who doesn’t know that Cosima is playing her. Or maybe she does? See. I told you this would get confusing.

Next week, Cosima and Delphine might get a little…closer. In the mouth region.

Live-tweet with me (@PunkyStarshine) this Saturday at 8 pm EST using the hashtag #clonesbians! I’ll include my favorites in the recap!

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