The Weekly Geek: Mariah Christmas Magic


As much as I love Mariah Carey, this was far, far too good to pass up as Weekly Geek material. I’ve long held that so long as we have to live in a world where advertising, pop culture and rampant materialism form a sort of unholy, omnipotent force, it’s up to entertainers (and internet writers!) to fight back, usually by making fun of the culture we live in. I recently re-watched the utterly wonderful (and incredibly silly) They Live during a John Carpenter movie marathon, so I was primed and ready for a little piece of satirical heaven.

The good folks at NPR’s excellent Monkey See blog recently posted a completely hilarious breakdown/analysis of the recent abomination that is the Mariah Carey/Justin Bieber “All I Want for Christmas is You” video, and you really do need to check it out as soon as possible.

Gems from the blog:

0:13 Mariah “Mannequin” Carey is standing against a fake stone wall next to a pile of presents. In the spirit of holiday charity, she has given her pants to the poor and is now getting by on a bra she recovered from the lost and found and a Christmas tree skirt. Purely fortuitously, they match. The hat, she stole from the Macy’s department-store Santa she has beaten up and locked in a closet.

1:07 Mariah leans into the wind, Yuletide-sexypants-style. We cut back and forth between her displays of cleavage and the delight of a small child at being told that he can patronize a retail establishment his very own self. His ticket says “Secret Santa, Believe!” Santa, of course, just handed this to him, so there’s nothing secret about it, but he’s probably too numbed by modern society and too much television to realize it.

1:49 Bieber pulls up to an invisible chin-up bar. Behind him the snowman is not impressed.

If we have no choice but to be bombarded by awful things, we darn well better have great, sarcastic minds making fun of them to make life more bearable. Yuletide sexypants for all!

I’d like to reiterate that I actually like Mariah Carey, and that the original version of this song is a true holiday classic, but this video is just — phew. You deserve better, Ms. Carey!

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