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Lesbros: Jack Antonoff

The trusty website, UrbanDictionary.com, has several definitions for the term lesbro:

1. A man who has more friendships with lesbians than other women or men.

2. The male equivalent of a fag hag.

3. A heterosexual man who is either one or both of the following: a brother to one or more lesbian sisters, or, friends with a disproportionate amount of homosexual women. “Wow, your brother really only hangs out with gay girls, doesn’t he! And you’re a big gay yourself, sister! What a lesbro you’ve got there!”

To us, a lesbro is a little bit of all, but at his core, a lesbro is a male friend to at least one, but possibly several, lesbians. This column shares a little bit about some famous lesbros that we love.

Jack Antonoff is 26, lives in New Jersey, and plays in the band, Steel Train. His favorite movie is Noises Off, and the theme of his bar mitzvah when he was 14 was Star Wars. He can juggle and has a borderline ability to speak Hebrew.

Of the above three definitions of “lesbro,” which do you think describes you best?

The first one, I have many lesbian friends.

What is the best thing about your lesbian friends?

There’s something extremely relaxing about being friends with women and not having any sort of strange tension. It’s hard for me to be friends with straight girls and not have it feel like it’s headed somewhere more intense. There’s always that weirdness there with straight girls. It’s like I’m constantly concerned that they think I’m hitting on them, while simultaneously terrified that I’m being hit on.

That awful tension does not exist with my lesbian friends. [It’s] almost like I’m free to be my nervous self, without the fear that they will think it’s meant to be flirty. Ugh. 

Do you think that having lesbian friends has anything to do with where you fall on the Kinsey scale? Care to comment on your own sexuality?

I’m not sure. All I know is what feels comfortable to me. I’m “straight,” but in no way am I a zero on the Kinsey scale. I think having many lesbian friends says more about me feeling more comfortable around women in general.

It makes more sense for me to be friends with lesbians rather than straight girls. Here’s why: I love talking about relationships, but you can’t really do that with straight girls because it always feels like some kind of gross flirty tactic. It’s so easy to talk about relationships and women with my lesbian friends because there is no fear of a hidden agenda on either end. In a way, we can relate way more because we are after something similar and go through a lot of the same bulls–t to find it.

What stereotype about lesbians have you found to be false?

I don’t really hear many stereotypes about lesbians. I mostly hear stereotypes about Jews… paranoid.

What do you think it is specifically that draws you towards being friends with lesbians?

That’s an interesting one. Here’s one thought: I went to a private school for my entire life up until 8th grade. When it came time for high school, I was convinced by my parents to go the local public school. It was a time in my life that I resembled a cross between Duckie from Pretty in Pink and a young Rick Moranis; not to say that I’ve grown out of this.

Needless to say, I was tortured and it was beyond hideous. I endured two years of New Jersey public high school before transferring to a performing arts high school in Manhattan. I was coming from a place where I was tortured for being gay, which was odd because I wasn’t, nor did it feel like jab, to a place filled with wonderful people who loved me and also happened to mostly be gay.

I was one of two straight boys in my entire class and a lot of my female friends in my new school were lesbians as well. It’s somewhat strange, but in those formative years, it kind of felt like I was saved by gay people. It was the first time I felt comfortable being a boy who wasn’t gay, but didn’t really fit in with all the other straight kids. I don’t even want to imagine how I would have ended up if I spent two more years in that shockingly close-minded, homophobic public school.

Being gay in 2010 is not easy. I feel incredibly drawn to people of inner substance who have honest struggles in their lives and find ways to overcome them. To be openly gay in America, and a lot of the world, is something that currently takes a lot of strength. I’m happiest when I’m surrounded by people who inspire me. And in the current climate of civil rights, I’m extremely inspired by the LGBT community and what they have to go through to be themselves.

How have your girlfriends responded to your friendships with lesbians?

Different reactions. I had one girlfriend that found it somewhat odd. That’s pretty offensive if you think about it. People seem very comfortable with women having gay men as friends, but a man being friends with lesbians seems to rub some people in a strange way. Almost like they assume it’s some kind of fetish or that the man is just trying to fulfill some kind of fantasy. It all goes back to people having a hard time understanding that you can be a straight man that has much more in common with women then men.

Your band Steel Train are active LGBT allies. What are some of the ways you guys are participating in the fight for equal civil rights for homosexuals?

The biggest way is to just be extremely vocal about it. It’s such a privilege to play for large audiences and it would be a massive waste if we didn’t use whatever venue we have to discuss the issues that we are passionate about, in order to create a positive impact. We’re all straight men, and in a way, that gives us a really important voice on gay rights. I believe that we are at a moment in time where none of us – gay, straight, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, black, white, green etc., etc. — have the luxury of keeping quiet anymore. No matter what your orientation, everyone in this country and in the world should be appalled by the way homosexuals are treated like second-class citizens.

One thing that we are most concerned with [is] helping people understand that it’s not a gay issue; it’s a human rights issue. A few months ago we made a benefit shirt that says, “Steel Train and I believe in human rights” and Gay Rights = Human Rights.” We wanted to make it as simple and clear as possible. White shirt, big black writing. I believe it’s the duty of anyone who reaches people to stand up and be very clear about this.

Can you tell us about the companion record you put out this year and why it’s important to you?

Yes! That was probably the most exciting project I’ve ever been a part of. I had the idea years ago, but we were in the shackles of a record label and it wasn’t possible to execute. When we got out of our contract and decided to put this record out ourselves, it was one of the first things that we set out to do.

I mostly listen to only female artists. Not sure why, it’s just always been that way since I was a kid and first heard Mazzy Star. So when I was writing this record, I was obviously extremely inspired by all my favorite female artists. So, the thought behind it all was, “How cool would it be for the people who like our band to hear our songs re-imaged by the very artists that inspired them to be written in the first place? Like an alternate universe version of our record?”

What we ended up with was our entire 12 song record re-recorded, and in some cases almost re-written, by all of our favorite female artists: Tegan and Sara, Rachael Cantu, Anna Wornaker, Scarlett Johansson, Holly Miranda, etc. Everyone that we asked to be a part of it went so over and beyond. I feel extremely proud of that project.

There’s also a sense of community there that can get lost in modern music. Almost like it was also our way of saying, These are the artists we love, and are honored to have be a part of our record.” Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve been able to hear our music from a distance and actually have a non-cloudy opinion, which was massively liberating.

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