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The AfterEllen.com Huddle: New Year’s Resolutions

It’s hard to believe 2010 is on its way out the door. Seems like just yesterday we were resolving to lose that weight, dump that toxic friend and keep up with more current events. But it’s time again to commit to something (or somethings) you hope to accomplish in the new year, and we all have some very different ideas of what we should be doing in 2011.

OK guys, let’s get into it.

The Linster: I tend not to make resolutions because they seem to be a setup for failure. But I do have a few good intentions for the new year. In 2009, I trained for and walked the Breast Cancer 3-day. In 2010, I “rested” and have the flabby butt to prove it. So, my main challenge to myself in 2011 is to find a happy medium (as in moderation, not a joyful psychic) and get back in shape. Get out of the recliner, Linster, you’re starting to look your age.

I also plan to find everything that Rosumund Pike has been in and watch it over and over. After seeing her in a trailer before The Tourist, I am completely smitten. Heart racing, hard-to-breathe smitten. I’m not ready to cheat on Elizabeth Mitchell yet, but if I see Rosumund in a ball cap I might be powerless. Sigh.

Courtney Gillette: I’m never too keen on making resolutions (discipline is not my strong suit), but in 2011, I’m thinking I’m gonna try to show some moderation. And that would be moderation in Facebook.

Put me in front of a keyboard and surely the first two letters I type are “fa”–the swift keystrokes that invoke the social networks site on my browser. Between my iPhone, my work desk and my home desk, I can’t even tell you how many times a day I find myself scrolling through the news feed, glancing at the array of cat videos, Jezebel links, photos of someone’s birthday party (internal monologue: was I invited? why wasn’t I invited?) and what that kid who sat behind me in AP English ordered for lunch.

A report this year showed that the average Facebook user spends seven hours a month on the site. It may not sound like a lot, but when you add it up, it seems like a good chunk of time. Now, I love Facebook with all my heart (clicking ‘Like’ now gives me this strange sense of worldly participation), but do I need seven hours a month of it? I could spend that time writing, or cooking, or reading the obscene stack of library books on the floor by my bed.

All this to say: next year, I’m aiming to keep my time on the FB to a minimum. I’ll check it just twice a day, and try to keep it short. I’m hoping to gain some more time in my daily internet use for other things, and maybe some of my attention span back. I may miss out on some things, but I’m hoping it’ll be worth it.

drummerdeeds: My New Year’s resolution is to get more realistic expectations. I need to stop watching MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge under the false notion that there’s going to be more than a hot-tub make-out between two women on the show.

I hope to remove my faith in Ryan Murphy in thinking that Brittany and Santana on Glee will somehow confess their love for one another and be in a monogamous lesbian relationship. I plan to stop believing that Carmen de la Pica Morales will reemerge in TV Land and steal my heart once more, once and for all.

Finally, I resolve to stop expecting to find a girlfriend while I continue to be oblivious, apathetic, and a workoholic. The last one is only if there’s time, though. Happy New Year, everybody!

Lindsey Byrnes: My New Year’s resolution this year is to follow through on one or more of the resolutions I made on past New Year’s, that way if I don’t I won’t let myself down any more than I already have. Oh and when I’m done with that I will probably join a gym, quit eating dairy and find a mountain to climb.

Heather Hogan: I resolve to treat other people’s favorite stories the way I expect other people to treat my dog.

Three years ago my roomie and I rescued the most precocious, adorable little beagle that you ever did see. She’s got eyes so brown that every other color in the Crayloa box is jealous of her. She’s got ears so floppy that the wind can catch them just right and make her look like she has wings. She’s got the cutest little snore when she’s sleeping and the sweetest little head-tilt when she’s confused. She’s got an obstinate disposition and a howl so obnoxious it sounds like it was cultivated in Satan’s own choir. She ate through a wall one time, through a whole entire wall. She’s adorable – oh, so adorable! Also: she’s a real asshole.

But here’s the thing: You can’t call her that. You can’t say anything about her except that she’s charming and delightful, and that just looking upon her wittle face makes your heart grow three sizes. ‘Cause you don’t love her. If you speak ill of her, or scold her, or raise your voice at her, I will kneecap you. Sure, she probably shouldn’t be doing whatever it is she’s doing, but you let me tell her that. She sleeps under my covers and wags her tail when I come home, and I’m the one who has spent full nights with her – on more than one occasion – at the emergency animal clinic. (She’s eaten aspirin too, and a bag of Christmas tree lights, and an entire chocolate pie.)

If you love something, it gives you an uncommon degree of empathy when you’re dealing with that something – and people who don’t love your something shouldn’t talk s–t about it.

And that goes for writing too. I said some really unkind things this year about TV shows and movies and books that I didn’t even try to love. (Check out my attempt at a Glee recap if you need a reminder.) Being a writer means that sometimes you have to write about things you don’t love or like or even care about. And some of those things deserve to be taken to task on principle. But some things are subjective, things like story. If I’ve spent sleepless nights trying to understand a story, if I’ve let a story sleep with me in my bed, if I’ve loved it, then I’m allowed to threaten to hang it outside of the window by its toes. But if I’ve just wandered in off the street and started screaming at it to stop barking, well that’s just not OK.

Bridget McManus: My New Year’s resolution is to dance more. I’m a girl that likes to shake her bon-bon but I rarely allow myself to go out and shake it for the world. In high school one of my superlatives was “Most likely to be on the Grind” (MTV’s dance show from the 1990s).

In 2011, I also want to officially become a vegan. I’ve been a vegetarian for eight years and I’m ready to make the switch and no longer consume any animal products. Except for cheese, can I still eat cheese?

Mia Jones: Every year (well, really every Sunday night) I make the resolution to lose weight and be a sexy beast by the time summer rolls around so I can stun everyone when I finally take my hooded sweatshirt off and have them revel in my toned figure. Now that I am older and wiser and know how much I love food and drink, I am not going to set myself up for failure this year. So, instead, I am going for some low hanging fruit.

The first to cross of my list? Finishing my music-themed tattoo tattoo on my left arm. Now, before anyone says that’s too easy of a resolution, I must first tell you that I need to earn extra money in order to pay for the art and it isn’t cheap. So, if you know of anyone who wants a huge box of Garbage Pail Kids or Archie’s comic books, I can give them a great deal.

The second? OK, this one is easy but it involves practicing harmonies with my radio in the shower, having enough liquid courage in me and also involves getting Trish to get out of the house to sing a karaoke duet to “Need You Now.” That is a tall order my friends.

Trish Bendix: This year I resolve to keep better record of my life. This means through photos and maybe some journaling of sorts. Some of my favorite things to read are biographies and memoirs, and there are so many things found in letters, diary entries or pictures. I feel like the internet age has made me stop keeping record of some thoughts or people or events that are truly important to me, not just when someone else happened to snap a photo while I have a beer in hand.

Just being a little more selfish, I guess, in the whole writing regard, and dedicating some time to thoughts and feelings outside of my head and committing them to paper. (Or, let’s be realistic, MacBook.)

Also, I resolve to join Mia in an amazing rendition of “Need You Now” at the local lesbian karaoke bar.

Karman Kregloe: According to a study by Quirkology.com (!), people don’t have much success with their New Year’s resolutions. Only 12% of the people in their study reached their goals, and women had a 10% greater success rate when they made their resolutions public and received support from friends. So, my friends, I’m testing the generally shoddy resolution odds and going public with my 2011 goals. They include learning to play my new harmonica, starting a band (my high school band, Civil Disobedience, folded some years ago and I’m just sick and tired of waiting for VH1 to follow up with our retro Behind the Music special), testing the Disaronno recipe booklet and getting more creative than “on the rocks” with my favorite ridiculous adult beverage, going on a shark expedition and watching the 16-footers go airborne despite the fact that I will probably just end up crying over the chewed up seals, and paddle boarding on a regular basis even though I’m kind of afraid of the ocean. In the spirit of keeping it all public, I’ll post my pictures from the lido deck (assuming I don’t end up as shark bait).

Jamie Murnane: I have issues with New Year’s resolutions. Mostly other peoples, because they always lead to my gym being annoyingly busy the first couple months of the new year. I am there all the time – all year – so I should get a designated spot that is uncrowded. It’s reasons like this that I tend to avoid making resolutions: So many of them are made to be broken, so I will not make one. However, I would like to make more time for myself, not just because it’s a new year, but because I should and have wanted to, and Trish Bendix asked me to contribute, so I’m trying to participate.

So, my non-resolution is to focus more on things I want to do: on my own, with my own friends. Being in a relationship and having work and pets and errands and other obligations (like the gym) are all important aspects, but that’s not everything. Not to get all Eat, Pray, Love on you. So, I’m going to take that Spanish class, that bass class, or just sit at home and finish a book for the first time in months. That’s this year, next year, and every year.

Grace Chu:

What’s your 2011 resolution, besides to make AfterEllen.com your homepage?

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