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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (November 12, 2010): “The Lesbian Love Octagon” thrills, “The Good Wife” delivers

Vanessa Selbst. The only openly lesbian professional poker player won the Partouche Poker Tour’s Main Event in Cannes. You may insert a joke about trumping a straight here: _________.

The People’s Choice Awards. Lots of gay and gay-friendly shows and performers are official nominees, including Ellen DeGeneres, Lady Gaga, Jane Lynch, True Blood, Glee, Grey’s Anatomy and Modern Family. The show will air January 11, 2011 and will be hosted by Queen Latifah. Vote early and often!

The L.A. Clippers. The NBA team is hosting “Equality Night with the Clippers” at their Feb. 2 game against the Chicago Bulls. A portion of ticket sales will go to Equality California, a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization. It’s a slam dunk for progress!

Lesbian families. According to a study done at UCLA, lesbian families have an extremely low rate of child abuse. Really low. Zero percent, in fact. Yes, it was a small sample size (78 children), but still! The study also showed that daughters of lesbian parents were more likely to have same sex experiences. As Jezebel.com noted, “Surely homophobes will point to the data as evidence that lesbian moms turn girls gay. Those girls might then grow up to become lesbian moms themselves, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle in which children are repeatedly not abused. Clearly it’s time to panic.”

Edie Windsor. One half of the lesbian couple featured in the documentary Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement, has filed a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act. Windsor is seeking the return of the $350,000 she paid in estate taxes after the government failed to recognize her marriage (after a 44-year engagement) in 2007 in Toronto to Thea Spyer, who passed away in 2009.

The Big C. The Showtime series has given us a first look at its new lesbian couple, who will appear in the series finale on Monday. Better late than never!

The Family Tree. Myriad has acquired the international rights to this film directed by Vivi Friedman, which features Selma Blair as a teacher who is having an affair with her student, played by Madeline Zima. We’re so thrilled to get a film that depicts a lesbian relationship that we’re going to ignore what looks like a really terrible wig worn by Blair. At least we hope it’s a wig.

Portia DeGeneres. The actress isn’t ruling out an appearance on the U.S. version of Dancing With the Stars. Inspired by the popularity of the female dance team on Israel’s version of the show, the U.S. DWTS wants to follow suit with DeGeneres and a female dance partner. Would the Chicken Dance be considered a modern form?

The Michigan Attorney General’s Office. Andrew Shirvell, the assistant state attorney general accused of harassing a U. of Michigan student leader because he promoted a “radical homosexual agenda” has been fired. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

The Good Wife. File this item under “Finally!” Kalinda (Archie Panjabi) finally had a real onscreen hookup with a woman (her ex, played by Lili Taylor). We do not object!

Lesbians on Is She Really Going Out with Him? The MTV show about women who date jerks has included a female louse in the mix. In this week’s episode, “Miss Ogynist,” we met Alexandra and her “inexplicably chauvinist girlfriend Angela” who would “rather hang with her “bromos.” Hey, Angela, The Real L Word is still casting for Season 2, and we think you’d be a great fit!

Glee. Much to the dismay of Brittana fans, the show seems to be setting up a Brittany/Artie relationship. It’s too bad that Seth and Amy aren’t still teamed up on SNL, because this plotline deserves the “Really!?!” treatment.

Adam Corolla. While promoting his new book, In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks, the former Man Show host told PopEater.com that straight parents are better than gay ones. “I’d rather my kids were raised by a heterosexual couple rather than a gay couple, all things being equal.” Guess he hasn’t had a chance to skim through that UCLA report.

Reality TV taking a toll on relationships. Christina, from The Bad Girls Club, and her girlfriend Lauren are on the rocks. Christina told the Miami New-Times, “Going through a situation like this is a really hard thing; it’s a huge wear and tear on a relationship. It’s one day at a time. I am an open person, but for her it was something way different to have her whole life out there.” Reality TV is detrimental to real life? Shocking.

Homophobes at St. Charles North High School. Some of the students at the Illinois school wore “Straight Pride” shirts during an anti-bullying campaign at the school. The text on the back of the shirts was even worse, containing “a biblical verse calling homosexuality an ‘abomination’ and saying those who perform homosexual acts shall be ‘put to death.'” The three students voluntarily agreed to black out the biblical quote, were allowed to wear the shirts the rest of the day, and were not punished. So much for a teachable moment.

Ex-Lord Mayor John Fareham. Inga Jorgensen claims the politician regularly referred to her as “foreigner,” “woman” and “wonk” and accused her of having “lesbian hair” when she worked for him as a support officer. He also called her a lesbian for refusing to make him a drink. Fareham’s conduct is currently under investigation.

Newgrounds.com. The site featured a game “Gay-Bus” which allowed players to run over gay sailors. The game has since been taken down, with a note from the programmer, Ryan Pridgeon, explaining, “Had a few LGBT activists carrying out personal attacks. I have nothing against any group of people. I made this 4 years ago for god knows what reason. Sorry.” By “personal attacks,” we’re pretty sure he did not mean that LGBT activist were attempting to run him down with buses.

Homophobes at Albion College. Two students burned a gay Pride flag on the campus of Albion College in Michigan last month. Salaina Catalano, a third student who witnessed the event and did nothing, came forward and apologized to Break the Silence – a student organization promoting the rights and awareness of LGBT people.

Dr. Jeff Gardere. The clinical psychologist and CNN expert stated in a segment that having a gay child is every parent’s “worst nightmare” – even gay parents. When asked for a comment by AfterElton.com after viewers complained to CNN, he apologized and took “full and total complete responsibility for using that unfortunate choice of words,” urging readers to “Google my name, you’ll see anything that I’ve ever written or said about sexuality has always been 100% positive for whatever someone’s sexuality might be.” We suspect the whole incident embodied his worst nightmare.

Ivanhoe Girls Grammar School. The Australian school wouldn’t allow Hannah Williams and her girlfriend, Savannah Supski, to attend the annual spring formal dance together. But the girls’ parents were supportive, filing a complaint with the Equal Opportunity Commission and allowing Williams to change schools (she’ll now attend school with Supski). This little stunt cost the Itawamba County School District $81,000 in damages when they pulled it with Constance McMillen in Mississippi. Ivanhoe had better ramp up their bake sales!

THE LESBIAN LOVE OCTAGON RESTORES FAITH IN LESBIAN THEMED ENTERTAINMENT, TURNS REVIEWER INTO SCREAMING TWEEN

As a general rule of thumb, going to one of the many basement theaters that line East 4th Street in Manhattan is like picking up a blind item from a box of Russell Stover chocolates. When a friend offers you the box, you feel guilty declining, so you brace yourself for the inevitable: dry nutty awfulness or cloying fruitiness. Most likely it will be an underwhelming experience, but your friend seems so earnest and you know the disagreeable taste will be temporary, so you give in.

Several times I have ventured to the theater wasteland of East 4th Street to support my friends, simply because they are my friends. Some people may like dense experimental theater or intimate and artsy conceptual pieces, but I am not one of them. I want linear plotlines, stories I can relate to, momentum, energy, engaging characters. But most of all, I want to be entertained.

When the buzz around The Lesbian Love Octagon first started appearing all over social networking sites, I didn’t think much of it. Not only was this yet another East 4th Street production, it appeared to be an underground lesbian theater production. And therefore, I took the next logical step: I judged. I concluded that it would be yet another pedantic lesbian production that might be a hit in parts of Brooklyn or Northampton but wouldn’t connect with a mainstream lesbian audience – and definitely not a straight audience. Sure, the site billed the musical as a “comedy,” but Go Fish was billed as a romantic comedy, and after watching that film, I wanted to give Rose Troche a dictionary so she could look up the word “comedy.”

Then the guilt set in. The people in the cast were my friends. Okay, acquaintances and friends of friends, but since we’re lesbians, we’re all on NYC’s version of Alice’s Chart, and so we might as well all be friends. Plus, from what I gathered from the plethora of Facebook posts, the show was a community effort. How could I not support the community? Still, I judged. As I jumped on an orange train headed downtown, I thought to myself, “This could be the longest two hours of my life.”

I made sure I had a beer in hand when I sat down, but at intermission, two-thirds of my beer remained. “You want me to replace that beer with milk?” asked a friend. Two impossibilities had occurred. First, I forgot I had a beer in my hand, but more importantly, I had become too engrossed in a downtown theater show to remember that I had a beer in my hand. One impossibility had led to the other, like a two for one special.

I had judged, and I had judged incorrectly. The Lesbian Love Octagon is one of sharpest, most entertaining and frankly, most accessible theater productions that I have ever seen. The script was sharp, tight and playful. Zingers came out with impeccable timing. The musical numbers and dialogue were weaved together seamlessly, moving the plot forward without awkward lulls. The cast was energetic and engaging; there were no weak links in the octagon. And oh – I have not laughed so hard at the theater since Avenue Q. Said another theater-goer, Rebecca M., “I laughed so hard I tried to stick my face in my own vag to stop laughing.”

As wave after wave of energy, grand musical numbers, and genius washed over the audience, I thought to myself, “This production is too big for this little theater. It must go Off Broadway, stat!” Within two hours The Lesbian Love Octagon had transformed me from a jaded pop culture critic to a screaming tween at a Justin Bieber concert. (In fact, there was even a cast member with Bieber hair.) This was a downtown production for lesbians by lesbians, and it was fabulous. How was that even possible? It was like reaching into a Russell Stover chocolate box and pulling out one of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets.

As the audience trickled out onto the sidewalk after the show, everyone looked at one another and wondered what had just transpired. Even the famously articulate Miss LEZ runner up Ariel Speedwagon, who was sitting behind me in the audience, ended up babbling incoherently for a couple of minutes.

Finally, we collected ourselves and let out a cry of victory. Our faith in lesbian themed entertainment had been restored.

Said Speedwagon, “What’s amazing about this musical is that it’s actually for everyone – it’s a story about love and community and pushing yourself to take the risk of really falling in love. Parts of it reminded me of that other musical set in the late 90s on the Lower East Side, Rent, a story about a group of misfits who find each other that everybody can recognize and relate to.”

Yes, even a straight audience can relate to the feel-good The Lesbian Love Octagon. For example, anyone who has suffered a breakup can relate to well-intentioned friends who execute their “help” in unhelpful ways.

Sue is an abnormally normal lesbian who is surrounded by a motley group of enablers, nymphos, and lushes who try to get her mind off of her ex. Her ex, Darla, recently left her to shack up with her other ex, Jerry, who has recently transitioned to a man. Other cast members drag her out to the local lesbian bar, where the standout musical number “Drink to Being Single,” is set. And I’m sure you know the phrase, “To get over someone, you have to get under someone.” Sex shop clerk Scout, who also works at the “wimmins” bookstore and lesbian cafĂ©, convinces Sue to get under many people all at once, with hilarious results.

Other plotlines are weaved in deftly with each main cast member getting her time in the spotlight. Although the cast is sizeable, since the cast members are all connected to one another, either as exes or friends, the plot remains cohesive and compelling. The character Scout, played expertly by Nikki Jenkins, often acts as the ringleader, pushing the plot forward and herding the kooky cast members so that none of them fall too far astray.

The Lesbian Love Octagon sold out all four nights of its run, and there is no question that reviews have been overwhelmingly positive. Creator Kim Kressal spoke of a possible second run, provided that enough funds are raised. “We will continue to work toward a second run of the show because we recognize how important it is to our community to have their stories told and we were certainly honored by the response we received,” she said.

Kressal continued, “We would love an Off-Broadway run or an extended Off-Off Broadway run, but we need outside help to make that happen. The best case scenario would be that a seasoned producer would take an interest in the show and we would discuss the options for its future.”

In the meantime, you can donate here. Sometimes we feel compelled to support lesbian-themed projects, simply because they were created by lesbians. This project should be supported, not because it was created by lesbians for lesbians, but because it’s f–king good. If the toughest crowd of all – cantankerous New York City lesbians who have seen it all – can come away smiling like a group of Pollyannas on a sugar high, you don’t just have something good. You have something magical.

by Grace Chu

Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon support marriage equality:

Lynda Carter is not impressed with the idea of out bi actress Megan Fox as Wonder Woman:

Catherine Opie and Lisa Udelson are trying to raise funds for their film Same Difference, which documents gay moms with children. Visit this site for a sneak peek trailer and more information on how to donate.

Amanda Palmer‘s fiancee Neil Gaiman penned a piece for Spin about his history with The Dresden Dolls and how he met his future wife.

Interested in hearing Nicki Minaj‘s duet with Rihanna? Even though it’s called “Raining Men?” OK, have at it.

Fiona Shaw of Harry Potter fame will be joining True Blood as “Marnie, a mousy, timid and secretly self loathing storefront medium and palm reader who is taken over by the spirit of a powerful witch.”

Caprica fans are trying to save the canceled show by sending apples to Syfy’s offices.

Out fashion designer Patricia Field just launched a new line of handbags (on sale now now at Saks Fifth Avenue).

Ladyfest Ten takes place in London this weekend, celebrating the tenth anniversary of the festival for women in music and art. Our own Great Lez Britain women will be featured on a panel on Friday with Viv Albertine from The Slits. Check out the schedule and purchase tickets for the event at LadyFestTen.com.

Jillian Michaels will stop by The Talk today. We’re hoping she makes the hosts do lunges and laps.

New Zealand TV personality Alison Mau has come out as bisexual. She introduced her girlfriend, dance instructor Karleen Edmonds, “to a crowd at the Queen of the Whole Universe drag pageant in Auckland on Saturday night.”

If you’re in Chicago tonight, check out a reading at Women & Children First for the book Dear John, I Love Jane featuring AfterEllen.com managing editor Trish Bendix. There’s also an after party at Joie De Vine with DJ Chubby Jones, aka our own Mia Jones.

Lady Gaga picked up Best Female, Best Pop Act, and Best Song at the MTV Europe Awards.

The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s 39th Anniversary Gala & Auction has some great TV prizes up for bid, including walk-on parts for Glee and True Blood. Be sure to bid by noon PST today! The event takes place this Saturday, Nov. 13, in Los Angeles and honors Jane Lynch. It will be hosted by Lily Tomlin, with appearances by Carol Burnett, Matthew Morrison, Ryan Murphy, Dave Koz, Peter Paige, Stephanie Miller, Julie Brown, Bruce Vilanch and more! To purchase tickets, call 310-996-1188.

The Four-Faced Liar is now available for purchase at Wolfe Video, and you can also pre-order Lovers & Friends: Season 3 at a discount (the DVD will be released Jan. 25, 2011).

Check out the winners of Logo’s Trip Out Gay Travel Awards. Is your favorite gay hang on it?

Logo is also hosting a contest for the best anti-bullying PSA. Find out details at 365gay.com.

Performance artist Heather Cassils has a Kickstarter site where she’s looking for donations in order to fund two new projects.

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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