How to Be a Gay Lady – Manners for the Modern Lesbian: Lesson Six


Gay ladies, do you ever find yourself too shy to initiate conversation with any of the beautiful and beguiling girls in your immediate surroundings? Are your immediate surroundings entirely devoid of any beautiful or beguiling girls whatsoever? Do you find that despite your – by now exquisite – manners, you are at your most charming when expressing yourself in writing? Never fear, my sweet ones, the internet is here and it’s come to save you! And of course, I’m right here alongside you, ready to help you navigate the etiquette of online dating and ensure you don’t commit any hideous virtual faux pas.

Choosing your profile picture Ladies, it doesn’t matter how uniquely beautiful you are, if you have the dimensions of a swimsuit model or a face that stops traffic (um, in a hot way): do NOT, under any circumstances, post a real photograph of your real self on any gay lady dating website whatsoever – not so much as an eyelash or a pinkie finger – unless that body part belongs to Angelina Jolie. From my extensive research perusing hundreds of gay and bisexual ladies’ personal profiles for your benefit, I have concluded that it is positively de rigueur to post a picture of a celebrity rather than of oneself (well, unless of course I’m mistaken and gay lady dating sites are in fact obsessively populated by Angelina herself, in which case I bet she keeps picking those movie stills/publicity shots rather than the ones from her personal collection/odd angles taken by her web-cam, just in case Brad finds out.) From this observation, I can only surmise that the gay ladies frequenting online dating websites belong to one of the following subsets:

Gay ladies who are Angeline Jolie Gay ladies who have never heard of Angelina Jolie and who are probably constantly surprised by how many sultry brunettes frequent Gaydar Girls Gay ladies who look so strikingly similar to Angelina Jolie that they figure they might as well just grab a picture from E! Online, rather than waste all that effort rummaging through their own photo albums. Therefore, my lovely ladies, prior to creating your online profile, ensure you have sourced an appropriately sized photograph of Ange (taken from her good angle) and you will be guaranteed success in all your ensuing dating endeavors. Alternatively, choose a picture of Shane. Everyone else does.

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