The Hook Up: Should I tell my wife about my fling?



I was matched with this girl on a dating app. I met her after a few months in February and we’ve hung out five times since then. We had a really good time whenever we met and found that she was similar to me in all respects. 

During one of these meetings, she said that she is currently into her career and not on the dating app anymore. I told her that I liked her in June. I asked her if we could meet more often and see where things go. She told me that she was in a relationship with a guy before and things went really badly and she is still trying to get over it. She also said that she doesn’t know me well, and doesn’t want to get into a relationship right now and wants to concentrate on her work.

She still keeps in touch—we talk on phone at least once in a week. I tried to ask her out twice, but sometimes she would be really busy. I don’t know what to do now, should I ask her out again or wait for her to plan for a meet? I really don’t know how to take things further.—Career Girl Woes

Dear CGW,

Make like the Frozen girl and “let it go.”

No matter how you slice it, this girl is not that into you.

Exhibit A: She told you she wants to concentrate on her work and not be in a relationship.

Exhibit B: She’s not over the last person she dated.

Exhibit C: You’ve asked her out twice anyway, and she has said no, because she’s “really busy.”

All signs point to “meh,” I’m afraid.

There’s a small chance this all might be a matter of bad timing. She might be legitimately focused on her career! Or simply not over her ex yet. But you shouldn’t hold your breath on that, CGW.

Don’t put your life on hold for someone who’s telling you she doesn’t want to date you.

Feel free to keep your weekly phone call if you can do so strictly as a friend, but also get back on that dating app immediately and start meeting some new people.

You owe it to yourself to not waste time on someone whose priorities are elsewhere (that is, not on dating you).

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