Slimming Down Without Melting Down – The Struggle is Real

My queens! The struggle is real! My body is not the lean, mean, shredded machine I told it to be! What.Is.Happening? 

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I’m like, Body? Are you even trying? And my body is like, Yes, I do all the Shaun T’s. I do everything you tell us to, but you keep putting beer in me and sneaking in pizza. Wow. Rude.  You could have just lied and said that I’ve reached my plateau. 

The shame is overwhelming. Why can’t I just stop drinking beer for three months?  Why is cutting out those random Buffalo wings out of my diet so hard? LOL RANDOM BUFFALO WINGS! Like Buffalo wings go unplanned. There has never been a time when I did not seek out a wing.  If I’m eating a Buffalo wing its because I wanted it, not because I randomly found one on the street. 

WINGS! GLORIOUS WINGS!

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The equation seems simple enough—exercise + healthy diet = Jillian bod, so why can’t I follow it?  The answer is because I’m a grown ass adult that continues to make poor eating habits. I don’t know what’s worse—not seeing these terrible habits and living in ignorance, or seeing this cycle and not breaking out of it. 

Sometimes I’ll kid myself and pretend that I’m “cheating” the system. Like that time I got so blacked out on Whiskey I threw up for two days. Really classy. SORRY LADIES, TAKEN! 😉

THESE ARE ALL MINE! BYEEEE!

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Or that time I ate so much meat at a Korean BBQ restaurant I had to drink a Smooth Move to get things going again. LADIES! GET BACK! I’M TAKEN! 

I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF

GET DA MEAT

Not to say that I haven’t achieved any results.  I wear a smaller pant size (UH, HUMBLE BRAG!) and my shirts fit better, but its not enough! I keep telling myself that there is more to being healthy than numbers on a scale.  Only I say it more like a question, There’s more to being healthy than numbers on a scale? 

There is, only I don’t believe it. I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and that sometimes inches lost is not reflected in pounds lost, and yadda yadda yadda.  BUT I DON’T BELIEVE IT! DO YOU HEAR ME, UNIVERSE? IIIII DON’T BEEELLIEEEVEE IITTTTT!

Then I started asking why? Why don’t I believe in my body or that numbers don’t matter?  It’s taken me a very long time to realize that I’ve been trained not to believe those facts. I can’t think of a single point in my life where a healthy body composition trumped having lower numbers on a scale.

Remember The Biggest Loser? Who could forget it, really?  I used to be so jealous of the contestants.  I would daydream about losing seven pounds in a week. I would mimic the show and weigh-in when the contestants did. I discovered that if I cut my calories below 900 and worked out twice a day I too could lose seven pounds. in a week! What a miracle!

That was such a dumb and dangerous thing to do. The worst part was that people didn’t seem concerned about how I was losing weight; they were only concerned that I was losing weight. Oh wow! You lost over 14 pounds in month! Super healthy! Keep it up! No one will love you if you get fat again.

Instead of focusing on positivity and maintaining a healthy weight in the real world, the show focuses on losing weight by any means possible. ANY MEANS, FATTIES!   

Oh, are your organs shutting down because of the constant starvation and over exercising? Suck it up, losers! That’s how every other person in the universe loses weight and the only way you ever will!  If you don’t want to look like a tub of lard before the weigh-in you better stop drinking water now! Shame to get kicked off the show due to all that water weight and functioning kidneys!

But who am I to say that a show on national television is wrong? So, in conclusion—kidding that would be so high school of me. So, in conclusion, I’m going to keep trucking a long and doing my thing. I’m going to keep working out and learning to eat better. I’m going to try and maintain positivity and remember, Hey! Sometimes you do lose weight and sometimes you don’t! And even if you don’t, it doesn’t make you (wait for it) “The Biggest Loser.” 

You saw what I did there. AND YOU LOVED IT!

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