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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (January 9, 2009)

This page contains spoilers about the L Word spinoff The Farm. Click here to skip the spoiler and go directly to the next page.

FAMKE JANSSEN GOES DOWN ON THE FARM

Before I drop this piece of saliva-inducing news, let me be clear that it falls firmly in the rumor category. In fact, only one site in the vast conspiracy of internets mentions this tidbit – and relies on an anonymous source for the info. So why am I telling you? Because I’m testing out the whole “create your own reality” concept – and this is a reality I really want to create: Famke Janssen in The L Word spin-off, The Farm.

Six Degrees of Everything reports that Janssen plays an inmate in the 20-minute video that will be presented to Showtime in hopes they’ll develop The Farm:

Although we don’t have a confirmed sighting by one of my sources Famke Janssen was supposed to have been on set [in Vancouver] playing a prisoner being shackled and getting interrogated. The name Famke was confirmed when one of my sources heard “That’s a wrap for Famke” and the presence of Famke Janssen was talked about by a bunch of extras who had run into her in the make-up trailer.

A commenter followed up with news that “we can be sure that Famke is in it” because she was spotted with her dog at the Vancouver airport the week of the shoot. Um, OK.

Not exactly bubbling with credibility, is it? But my fingers definitely are glued in the crossed position until further notice.

In case your brain has been on break like mine has, here’s a brief overview of what we know for sure: The Farm is about a women’s prison for felony offenders and stars Leisha Hailey. She continues her role as Alice Pieszecki, who now is incarcerated for reasons unknown, but probably related to what and who goes down in the final season of The L Word. (I said “goes down.” Heh-heh.)

“The Farm” refers to a section of California’s Humboldt State Farm and Prison for Women, sort of like Emerald City was in Oz or the G-Wing is in Bad Girls. The other wing featured in the series is called “The Jungle.” So far, this is the one and only picture we have of the set.

According to Six, Alice initially is assigned to The Jungle. However, another inmate assigned to The Farm wants to “be with her home girls” in The Jungle, so she and Alice trade places. And nobody notices? OK, Ilene. Whatever.

Word is that Jackie Laurie Metcalf plays the ruthless and ambitious warden, Dr. Margaret Elder, who greets the busload of inmates as they arrive at their new home. I’d love to see Metcalf chew the scenery in a tough-broad role like this.

Melissa Leo, aka Helena Peabody’s ex, plays correctional officer Helen Miller. Leo is listed in the cast for The Farm on IMDb, so this rumor actually has a bit of substance behind it. I hope we get to see the rest of that tattoo.

Although I remain skeptical about this project, I have to admit that I like these casting rumors. I like them a lot. And for now, I’m adopting a daily practice of visualizing Famke Janssen as a lesbian prisoner. It’s the least I can do for the world.

— by the linster

This page contains All My Children spoilers. Click here to skip the spoiler and go directly to the next page.

BIANCA AND REESE STILL LIVING HAPPILY EVERY AFTER

When we last left American TV’s only out lesbian couple, they were happy and in love. And, wonder of wonders, they still are.

Yes, All My Children actually seems to be letting Bianca and Reese have a fairly normal relationship — at least as normal as is possible for a soap opera.

According to some spoilers, we may see the two get married on Feb. 14. That’s right — a lesbian wedding on Valentine’s Day on daytime TV. Still breathing?

Of course, the AMC writers are still toying with us. Reese, an architect, has become close to baby daddy Zach as she helps him rebuild his place, and the teasers imply that their relationship is something more than friendship. An awkward kiss on the cheek on New Year’s Eve has been played up for all that it’s worth — which isn’t much.

We also discovered that Reese had been engaged previously to a man, Simon, who just happened to show up on Bianca’s doorstep that very same New Year’s Eve. Does anyone else think Simon and Bianca kind of look alike? I hope he’s not another long-lost son of Erica’s.

But what Reese and Bianca are going through is, for the most part, what most couples experience in the course of a relationship. The insecurities about the past. The fear of getting hurt. The lack of support by family members. So far, though, the love between the two women is solid and true, something that they discover over and over when a new challenge arises.

Out.com just published an interview with Eden Riegel and Tamara Braun, who play Bianca and Reese, in which they discuss their on-screen romance and off-screen friendship. We’re not the only ones who have noticed that the affection quotient has risen dramatically compared to Bianca’s past relationships.

Eden: It’s a demonstrative [love]. Having played Bianca for a long time, I will say this is the most demonstrative relationship she’s been in because Binks is in a committed romance for once. So, there’s no holding back in the physical realm. We’ve never been told to hold back. ABC is allowing us to trust our instincts.

Tamara: These characters are in love, and people in love show affection. Eden told me in the past each time she had to kiss someone in scene it was a big deal, which I wasn’t aware of … every time there was a kiss it was a big event.

Eden: It had to be scripted, and it had to be cleared. It was a different time.

Tamara: I was shocked. I don’t know if I could have played Reese back then with those restrictions.

Tamara also clarified the relationship between Zach and Reese, saying, “Zach fell in love with Bianca and Reese as a couple. To see Bianca so happy and in love, he naturally loves Reese as well.”

In other words, no cheating with the brother-in-law. Sigh of relief goes here.

The entire interview is fun; Tamara and Eden obviously have a good time together. I think my favorite moment comes in a discussion about Bianca’s ex, Maggie (Elizabeth Hendrickson). The interviewer asks who would win a lesbian smack down, Reese or Maggie?

ER: Don’t underestimate Maggie. She’s little, but she’s feisty. Once, I had a pillow fight with Elizabeth, and I was confident in my abilities that I would destroy her. Somehow, that little whippersnapper completely destroyed me!

TB: Um, you had a pillow fight before me?

I have to admit that, being a hardcore Lianca fan, I haven’t been fond of any of Bianca’s girlfriends since Lena left. But Reese is winning me over. I think these two gorgeous lesbians are gonna make it after all. Even on daytime TV.

— by the linster

90210 RETURNS AND INTRODUCES CHRISTINA’S GIRLFRIEND

A few weeks ago, we found out that cheerleader Christina on 90210 (played by Lauren London) was going to be getting a girlfriend. We weren’t sure how soon to expect to see said GF on screen, but we were graced with her brief presence on Tuesday night.

On the episode “Hello, Goodbye, Amen,” Dixon finds out that Christina’s dad is a record label exec that knows all of the big shots in the music industry. He hosts gospel BBQs at his mansion in Beverly Hills, and Christina invites him to come. His girlfriend, Silver, isn’t too hot on the cheerleader talking to her man, so Dixon fails to invite her along.

Once Dixon arrives at the BBQ and meets Christina’s father (and hears a lot of namedropping in the form of Kobe Bryant and Dr. Dre), he feels guilty for having fun and reminds Christina he has a girlfriend.

Christina’s response: “I know — so do I.”

Dixon apparently didn’t get the memo we did about Christina getting a girlfriend. She points out the “cute little soprano” who is singing and smiling on the stage with the gospel choir.

“I’ve dated guys too,” she said flippantly, and invites Dixon to come over anytime, Silver included. Dixon is a little confused, and probably has lost a little pride. He promptly calls Silver to regain some manhood.

So Christina’s girlfriend has a face, but there’s no word yet on if she’ll show it again. Still, it was great to see it as a non-issue.

Spoilers for next week’s episode (titled “Love Me or Leave Me”) seem to indicate trouble in Dixon and Silver’s relationship, however, which leads me to think that Dixon could be attempting to move on in the near future, and Christina might suddenly become available.

— by Trish Bendix

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS TEASES US WITH A TRAILER

I would like, if you’ll indulge me, to talk about why grammar, and particularly syntax, matters.

Take, for example, the upcoming film Lesbian Vampire Killers.

Right, so what do you infer about this film from those three words? Is it about lesbian vampires who kill? Is it about lesbians who kill vampires? Or is it about people who kill lesbian vampires? See, syntax does matter.

Now, thanks to the first teaser trailer for Lesbian Vampire Killers (which is clearly competing with Snakes on a Plane for least subtle movie title ever), we know the answer. It’s about people who kill lesbian vampires. Bummer.

Look, I like a good killer flick. I enjoy almost any vampire movie. And, clearly, I love lesbians. But a film about lesbian vampires who just get killed? Hmm, I’m going to need to see more than 51-seconds of cheesy voiceovers and big fonts to know if I’m on board.

You see, I don’t have a problem with exploitation flicks, but it all depends on who does the exploiting. A film like Bitch Slap, which has a similar tongue-in-cheek B-movie feel, has me salivating all over my stompy feminist combat boots. Why? Because the women are the stars and in charge. They seem to be in on the joke. Also, they’ve brought Xena Lucy Lawless and GabrielleRenee O’Connor along for the ride.

But from what little we know about Lesbian Vampire Killers, two guys are the stars and do all the killing. A short comic-book style synopsis on the film’s UK website lays out what little plot there is. Two hopeless dudes stumble upon a cursed village where “an army of salacious lesbian vampires” turns any women in town into, well, a salacious lesbian vampire.

So, the purpose of the lesbian vampires is to titillate the men who will in turn then stake the lesbian vampires. Yeah, like I was saying, syntax matters.

(I reserve the right to reverse my opinion of Lesbian Vampire Killers if the film turns out to be hilarious and/or if the salacious lesbian vampires turn out to be really, really hot.)

by Dorothy Snarker

LINDSAY LOHAN IS TIRED OF RUMORS STARTING

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson‘s relationship has clearly fascinated many people.

Several were among the “Is she or isn’t she?” variety, while others are simply celebrity gossip junkies who can’t venture onto blogs without seeing a piece about the young couple at least once a day.

And then there’s Whoopi Goldberg, the one living person in America who didn’t know who Ronson and Lohan were until Perez Hilton was on The View yesterday and caught her up to speed. (Whoopi: “I don’t know who he’s talking about.” Sherri: “She’s a DJ.”)

While on the show, however, Hilton discussed what his blog and every other celebrity “news” site and even typically reputable media outlets were blasting: Lindsay and Samantha had broken up. Sure, there have been plenty of rumors of awful fight and arguments on trains, planes, in New York, Los Angeles, Paris, you name it. But this time, it was the alleged end.

At least, according to more than 200 news and gossip sites, including Access Hollywood, E! Online and MSNBC.com, who went so far as to claim a “source” said Lindsay had even moved out of their shared home, but was still careful to call it a “possible breakup.” TMZ boasted to have “it down solid” that “Lindsay and Sam Ronson are officially history.”

Well, they were wrong.

They all should have known they’d be proven wrong, as they have plenty of times before, because Lindsay, as usual, set the record straight (no pun intended) on her MySpace blog, aptly titled “RUMORS.” (The caps mean she’s angry.)

little piece of TRUE information:

we did NOT break up!

access hollywood, extra, et, every tabloid, page six… AND every GOSSIP website. Get your stories straight please. It’s really annoying to have all of your friends emailing you saying, i saw, i read, etc… NOT TRUE

🙂 xoxox Lindsay

My personal favorite part of her blog is that it said she was currently listening to her own song, “Rumors,” which tabloid “reporters” clearly have yet to understand. She’s tired of rumors startin’, sick of being followed, tired of people lying, saying what they want about her. (Why can’t they just let her live?)

While it’s not surprising that these two public figures are incessantly making headlines, it’s unsettling that so much of the attention is negative and almost always false. Too bad for them that Lindsay is known for sharing news or refuting these ridiculous rumors herself, on her blog.

This most recent media blitz makes me wonder, though, have the tabloids not caught on to this fact, or were they just trying to get her to respond? And why aren’t people making up rumors about Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon or some other clearly happy couple? Is this more evidence that after all this time, people just aren’t sure what to think about Lindsay?

Update: Lindsay’s new interview and photoshoot with Interview magazine was also released online this week.

— by jamie murnane

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“I’ve been so inspired by the Buffy Season 8 comic books, I’m looking into doing the [D.E.B.S.] sequel as a comic.”

— Director Angela Robinson, on the possibility of another D.E.B.S. movie, in Ask AfterEllen.com

ELLEN WINS PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARD, THANKS “MY ROOMMATE PORTIA”

This week, Ellen won the People’s Choice Award for Best Talk Show Host again, and ended her rambling speech with “and to my roommate Portia, thank you very much, as well” (watch it here). Love that she made that point, and in such a humorous way.

Here are a few pics of Ellen accepting the award:

And two cute photos of Ellen and Portia de Rossi at the event:

I didn’t actually watch CBS’s broadcast of the awards — EW’s PopWatch does a pretty good explaining why it’s not worth it (with a nod to “the emotional fortitude it must take for Ellen DeGeneres to keep getting up there and smiling at the nice people who cheer for her when she dances her funny dance but refuse to give her the civil rights necessary to marry her ‘roommate'”) — but yay to Christina Applegate, Kyra Sedgwick, Angelina Jolie, Alicia Keys, Carrie Underwood, and Tina Fey also taking home trophies.

(No comment on Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” winning “Favorite Pop Song” ? I think we’ve covered the problems with that song enough.)

See all the nominees and winners here.

— by Sarah Warn

PIERCINGS ARE THE NEW FLANNEL?

The fifth season of Hell’s Kitchen (Fox) premieres on Jan. 29 and features 16 chefs battling it out to win a “head chef” position at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa in Atlantic City.

One of the cheftestants is a lesbian who comes out in the first episode.

Meet LA, 23, a line cook from Las Vegas:

Is there a rule I missed dictating that all lesbian chefs on TV must have piercings or tattoos? I like a nice nose or lip ring as much as the next girl, but how did they suddenly become the symbol of queer cheftestants everywhere? Inquiring lesbian minds want to know!

RACHEL MADDOW: THE MARILYN MUNSTER OF MSNBC?

Rachel Maddow had a brief appearance on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart this week, where she reveals her strategy for success: don’t watch cable TV, and don’t do things the “right way.”

Jon commented on how different she seems from the other talk show hosts on MSNBC; not sure I totally agree with him, but it’s an amusing analogy.

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The Daily Show With Jon StewartM – Th 11p / 10c

Rachel Maddow

Lesbian/bi visibility on scripted TV might headed for hell in a Nielsen-rated handbasket, but it has to be some kind of progress that real-life lesbians are winning a People’s Choice Award and considered the “normal” one on a cable channel full of straight men, right?

AE READER COMMENT OF THE WEEK

“Was I the only one unnerved about it being a GOSPEL BARBEQUE?! *holding up a piece of chicken* BBQ AND GOSPEL MUSIC IN BEVERLY HILLS MM MM MMMM! Who is pairing the black cultural concepts together on this show?”

shedetective commenting on the setting of Dixon and Christina’s conversation on 90210

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Australian Olympic gold medallist volleyball player Natalie Cook reportedly married fellow volleyball player Sarah Maxwell in New Zealand recently. (Thanks to Amanda for the tip!)

Watch this new video interview with Gro Hammerseng! (in English)

Cherry Jones‘s role as the President of the United States on the Fox drama 24 begins this Sunday night with a two-hour premiere.

Catch up on the week in faux-lesbian reality TV.

Read this very insightful article at The Guardian about the recent anti-lesbian comments aired on the BBC. “Prejudice against lesbians isn’t taken seriously because lesbians aren’t taken seriously,” writes Jane Czyselska, and I couldn’t agree more. (Thanks to blunt spoon for the tip!)

The New York Times did an op-ed piece on Obama’s Rick Warren decision “You’re Likeable Enough, Gay People”

The server that hosts Pam Spaulding’s excellent lesbian political blog Pam’s House Blend was hacked this week, and years of her archives were lost (although eventually recovered after much work from Pam). Hackers suck.

The Bloggie Awards no longer has an LGBT category (because an “arts, crafts, and design” category is so much more important) but you can vote for the best LGBT Blog in the Weblog Awards.

Power Up has launched a program to create public service announcements that raise awareness about LGBT issues. Go here to learn more and donate.

Thanks to all of you who kept AfterEllen.com going with interesting comments and forum topics during the holiday break! They were fun to read while Lori and I were snowed in at my sister’s home in the country. For a week. (Two feet of snow, no way to drive anywhere, and a dwindling food supply — but lots of nieces wanting to play board games!)

We’re back now, and ready to bring you lots of great content in the new year — including the launch of the new weekly Ask AfterEllen.com column (we’ve been flooded with lots of great questions already!); the revival of Fake Gay News blog posts (we’ve convinced Dara to grace us with her excellent FGN snark starting next week); the addition of StuntDouble’s Facebook recaps of The L Word along with the return of scribegrrrl’s L Word recaps; and lots of new and returning video blogs and web series. Plus the ongoing contributions of our bloggers, who wade through mountains of email tips, RSS feeds and Google alerts to bring you the best and the worst of lesbian-ish entertainment news each day.

Here’s to a great 2009!

by Sarah Warn

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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