Biffle or Beezy: Wannabees and Cuddle Buddies



Dear Biffle or Beezy,

So this girl and I know we have a mutual crush on each other but we are both unwilling to officially date because we both feel too young and busy. We still cuddle and act generally couple-y at times and like regular close friends other times. What is this called?


Blurred Lines



Dear Blurred Lines,

I believe the scientific term is “Fuckin’ Lesbians.” Make a move! Or ignore the feelings and hope they goes away. That’s what I do.

Growing up Catholic gave me a wonderful talent for compartmentalizing relationships, repressing inconvenient emotions, and ignoring glaring issues. Denial is underrated. You should see me at Christmas! Small talk master class. I can talk about the weather ALL DAY.

Seriously, though: Don’t overthink this. If you both feel too young and busy to date, you should not date. I know it’s tempting and easy, but relationships are exceptionally consuming. You’ve got a good thing going. Don’t mess it up if you’re not certain.

Although I would strongly suggest not dating mutual friends. Or enemies. Compartmentalization. WOO HOOO.


Dear Biffle or Beezy,

I just recently moved out to Northern Cali and I’ve been having trouble meeting other gay girls. But I was out the other night alone and saw this cute couple at the bar and I thought about buying them a drink just as like a friendly, “Hi, fellow homo here,” but then I figured that might be weird and didn’t do it. What’s your opinion? Yay or nay? And I’ve tried the online dating thing but nothing much has come of that.


Friendly Newbie



Dear Friendly Newbie,

Sure! Before you approach them, try to read their body language and demeanor. Are they holding hands, kissing, and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears? Or are they looking around, laughing, checking their phones, and casually interacting? Interrupting a couple’s romantic moment may not be entirely welcome, even if they’re open to making new friends. Time your approach to a relaxed moment. Then smile, introduce yourself along the lines.

“Hey! I hope I’m not interrupting your night. I just moved here and haven’t really met any other lesbians. You two seem like a rad couple. Maybe I could buy you a drink in exchange for any tips on getting around and meeting people in this town? I’m not a creep, I swear!”

Then ask LOTS of questions, listen intently and make eye contact, and be open about who you are and what you like to do. Before you meet new people, it’s helpful to have a few snappy tidbits about yourself ready to go. An pithy comment about your job, an explanation for why you moved that doesn’t start with, “It’s actually a long , kind of depressing story.” When people ask me why I moved to LA, I’ll respond, “The hell of it,” “Nothing better to do,” “Adventure,” or “It’s pretty.” Don’t talk about your ex/family/mental/friend issues, but feel free to make jokes at your own expense. Don’t name drop; do drop names of your fave TV show/website/movie/whatever to find common ground. Most of all, keep them dominating the conversation. Everyone loves to talk about herself.

Or just pull up this article on your phone, show it to them, and ask, “Would that work?”

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