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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (October 19, 2007)

THE PUPPY EPISODE II: FOR THE LOVE OF IGGY

Unless you’ve been in a coma this week, you’ve heard about Ellen DeGeneres‘ troubles with a pet adoption agency and a pup named Iggy.

Most of the clips on the web have been incomplete, so I think the least we can do is let you see the entire emotional outburst from Tuesday’s episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show. (You can also read a transcript on Ellen’s website.)

It went downhill from there, with wrong-headed fans calling the adoption agency to threaten arson and worse. (Ellen, for her part, has begged her so-called supporters not to be so horrible.) The whole thing was starting to remind me of the media frenzy following one of Rosie O’Donnell‘s many squabbles on The View. But I doubt Ellen will ever implode quite that spectacularly. On Thursday’s show, she said it’s time to accept the situation and move on:

Many of you have had your own say on the blog — here are some choice comments about the doggie drama:

This is no way to resolve a dispute … The U.S. sure loves the court of public opinion. — notshane

Don’t get me wrong, I love Ellen as much as the next lesbian, but that was out of line. — p6der

I hope that Ellen continues to speak out on topics that are near and dear to her… I am loving Ellen more and more every day. — imthey

Ellen’s impassioned plea was gut-wrenching. — jennifer from pittsburgh

I agree that begging for the dog to be returned on TV wasn’t the coolest move, because that’s a setup for death threats … because fans are morons sometimes, and if you make our happy comedian cry, we’ll shank you. — Emmanescence

You hear that? We’ll shank you!

MEANWHILE, IGGY THE T-SHIRT MADE ME CRY TEARS OF JOY

Every year, Entertainment Weekly compiles a photo extravaganza. This year, the photo issue (dated Oct. 19) includes a gallery of stars in their favorite T-shirts. And the first of those is nestled alongside the table of contents, or, as I will henceforth think of it, the table of cuteness. Here’s Portia de Rossi, looking downright stunning in threadbare cotton:

The shirt belonged to an ex-boyfriend, which, according to Portia, “should tell you how old it is. … I actually bought another. And I’ll probably wear holes in that one, too.” Hmm, I’m thinking maybe her next T-shirt purchase should be one that says FREE IGGY. Or maybe READ ALL PET ADOPTION AGREEMENTS BEFORE SIGNING.

A KISS SO BRIEF, IT’S PATHOLOGICAL

This week I saw Michael Clayton, the new George Clooney flick that would seem to have absolutely nothing to do with lesbians or horror movies. But somehow I was treated (subjected?) to the trailer for Pathology, a thriller about murderous med students. It’s slated for release Nov. 30, and it looks like a diabolical update of Flatliners.

Watch the trailer carefully, and you might see two women kissing (at about the 1:47 mark):

Did you see that redhead? That’s Lauren Lee Smith, aka Lara the Soup Chef on The L Word. And Alyssa Milano is in the movie too, though I don’t think she’s the one Lauren is kissing — I think that’s Mei Melançon. I also think I can now isolate my own pathology: It’s whatever affliction makes you plunk down $11 for a slim chance of seeing hot chicks make out. Yes, I’m in therapy.

SO DEVOID OF KISSING, IT’S PATHOLOGICAL

New Cashmere Mafia promo shots were released this week. Bonnie Somerville looks lovely as usual.

In this next photo, Bonnie looks like she’s thinking about making a play for Frances O’Connor, but I realize that’s just my affliction talking again.

Need a closeup of that one? I do:

But where are the pictures of Bonnie’s character and Lourdes Benedicto‘s character exploring their affection for each other? Besides these screencaps from the pilot, I mean. I suppose ABC wants to save those photos for later, but don’t they know you’re not supposed to tease the lesbians?!

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 1

“I get these girls who never thought they would even like girls into liking me, and it’s a total con.”

Tegan Quin in the Spring/Summer 2007 issue of Hobo magazine, on why the new Tegan and Sara album is called The Con

WELL, I GUESS “MISCHA” IS A RUSSIAN NAME

Back in February, Sarah told you about the movie Finding t.A.T.u., coming sometime in 2008. Did you think it was all a weird dream you had after falling asleep with your iPod on shuffle? Nope, it’s really happening, and Mischa Barton and Shantel VanSanten might live to regret it. They play teenagers who meet at a t.A.T.u. concert and fall in love. And the real t.A.T.u. girls, Yulia Volkova and Lena Katina, play themselves in the film. It’s so meta. Or is that m.E.T.a.? Maybe I mean f.A.K.e.

Yulia and Lena recently shared some set photos with the Russian magazine Yes! — hey, Russia, what’s with the excess punctuation in magazine titles and band names? There are no spoilers here, but I do feel compelled to give you an animal carcass warning. Ick. (Photos and translations via the Finding t.A.T.u. blog.)

Yulia: We … didn’t need instructions: We leave our shows like that every time. We filmed this scene in just couple of takes.

Lena: Here’s Mischa Barton … filming [her] last scenes at the meat factory in Yaroslavl. Here she kind of returns to [the] life she wanted to escape … I’d probably feel sick in such disgusting, smelly surroundings. But Mischa rocks — she did it!

It’s mind-boggling to think of Barton, that petulant princess of The O.C., playing a provincial Russian “meat factory” worker. Dorothy Snarker said it best: Get ready for acting and accents that remind you of Natasha from Bullwinkle. It’s moose and squirrel! No, it’s a couple of gay-for-pay pop tarts!

The t.A.T.u. blog also posted a “preview” clip this week. This makes the movie seem even more like a weird (and bad) dream, and one desperately in need of an editor:

Can someone help me? I’ve fallen into a Dance Dance Revolution background video and can’t get up.

If all that weren’t enough to whet your appetite, the movie is based on the book t.A.T.u. Come Back, which is itself based on the true story of two t.A.T.u. fans who are currently serving time for murdering the mother who kept them apart. Wait: I think I’ve seen this movie, only it was set in New Zealand and starred Melanie Lynskey and Kate Winslet.

Actually, although I can certainly understand why one might run in horror from the preview clip, I think I might like Finding t.A.T.u. It could turn out to be a mashup of Heavenly Creatures, Jem and the Holograms and that gross meat truck scene in The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. What’s not to love?

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 2

“Me being in love with a girl and wanting her to be with me … it affects no one — yet it’s terrifying to people and they think you’re a monster.”

— Sara Quin in the Spring/Summer 2007 issue of Hobo magazine, on the Tegan and Sara song “I Was Married” from The Con

REALLY, IT’S NOT ABOUT PORN

Thela Brown, best known as a screaming, shrieking contestant on VH1’s Flavor of Love and Charm School, is currently starring in Private Thoughts on Cumming Out: Three Stories of Undying Black Lesbian Love.

The play, written by Joy Shani A’Che, is at the Complex Theater in Hollywood (Oct. 26–28 and Nov. 2–4). Brown plays “Woman Two,” a Harlem Renaissance socialite who falls in love with a woman.

According to the press release, “Reality fans hoping to catch Brown screaming at a fellow cast mate will be disappointed.”

Oh. I think I liked her better when she was straight and banshee-like. For more info, visit the official website.

WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ SCRIPT

In August, Karman reported the results of GLAAD’s Network Responsibility Index, and they weren’t exactly positive. Network TV just isn’t keen on LGBT representation. Or is it? MediaWeek.com notes that if you count unscripted series (aka reality shows), gay people are everywhere. The article cites Project Runway (yeah, they included cable TV) and America’s Next Top Model as shining examples of gay-related content.

Fair enough, but the article also makes the rookie mistake of assuming that the LGBT market — rather than the gay male market specifically — is one with “high disposable income.”

Lesbians and bisexual women may not be rolling in cash, but we do appreciate unscripted TV. Especially when we can vlog about it (see The Lo-Down and We’re Getting Nowhere) or recap it (see Karman’s take on A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila). You’d have to be “blind and a little retarded” not to love that stuff — just ask Amanda from A Shot at Love, or ask Tila herself.

Speaking of Tila Tequila — and gay men! — NewNowNext blogger Colin Schoenberger recently interviewed Tila. Watch it here:

KIA ORA, AND CONGRATULATIONS ON COMING OUT!

Maori singer-songwriter Anika Moa came out this week during an interview on New Zealand’s TV 1, hot on the heels of coming out to the New Zealand Herald a couple of weeks ago (thanks to Surfing Betty for the tip!). Moa’s sexuality has apparently been common knowledge in the music industry, but she has refused to discuss it before now.

“I had to cover it up, because I didn’t want anyone to judge me, or think, ‘Ooh, she’s dirty,'” Moa said. “This is the first ever interview where I’ve admitted that I’m gay and I’m willing to talk about it. So we’ll see how the album sales go.”

That album is In Swings the Tide, released Oct. 8. It was written while she was going through a difficult breakup with her partner of five years.

Visit Moa’s MySpace page to listen to some songs from her new album. I recommend “Hangin’ Around.” (Nothin’ to do but frown … oh, wait, wrong singer.) And here’s the video for “Good in My Head,” a song from her album Thinking Room:

YOU CAN FEEL IT ALL OVER

Out singer Kirsten Price has been compared to Janis Joplin (but without the self-destructive tendencies and the Holding Company). Her music has been featured on The L Word, and she’s getting gigs nationwide. Here’s the video for her new single, “Freedom”:

“What am I going to do with my freedom?” Go to a Kirsten Price concert, for starters. I think I have a new crush. And hey, remember that Lee Jeans commercial with that kick-ass version of Stevie Wonder’s “Sir Duke”? That was Kirsten too.

Shopping for new jeans: That’s the other thing I’m going to do with my freedom.

THIS JUST IN: MUSIC, PASSION STILL IN FASHION

A couple of weeks ago, Sarah told you about the upcoming film And Then Came Lola, starring Ashleigh Sumner, Jill

Bennett, Cathy DeBuono and Jessica

Graham. Filmmakers Ellen Seidler and Megan Siler shared some production photos and a behind-the-scenes video with us. First, Ashleigh in the title role:

Next, Ashleigh and Jill:

Finally, Jill and Cathy (yow):

(All photos by Sophia Wallace.)

And now let’s go behind the scenes:

In my next life, I want to be a finger puppet. Or a fondled convertible.

DESPERATELY SEEKING CAMP

In the past month, I’ve seen three off-off-Broadway shows about lesbians or featuring lesbian characters or actresses. But two out of three were mostly serious — and mostly disappointing.

This week I saw The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, which is nearing the end of its run at the Fourth Street Theatre in New York. The show celebrates the groundbreaking novels by Ann Bannon — and for that reason alone, it’s worth seeing. But I remain mystified by its serious tone: Why would you de-camp pulp fiction, of all things?

To their credit, Anna Foss Wilson (as tough-as-nails and off-the-rails Beebo) and Marin Ireland (as just-coming-out Laura) hold their own even when their lines fall flat. But the play would be a yawn-fest without Carolyn Baeumler (in three bit parts), who seems to have missed the memo about eschewing camp. With her Falcon Crest–esque delivery and facial expressions that recall Norma Desmond, she gets big laughs and pretty much steals the show. Learn from this, would-be screenwriters!

Beebo was at least watchable, which is more than I can say for Roller Derby, recently onstage as part of the New York Musical Theater Festival. Even out actress Lea Delaria and the lesbian leanings of some of the roller girls couldn’t keep me from bolting at intermission. I mean, it’s roller derby! Again, when your source material is inherently campy, go with it — or stop wondering why you can’t get backing.

Finally, Girl Gang, also part of NYMF, hit all the right campy notes without careening out of control.

With songs like “Ballerina With a Blade” and a surprisingly touching portrayal of the love that dare not speak its name, Girl Gang proves that lesbians and camp are not mutually exclusive. The show will be staged again in 2008 and hopes to find a home off-Broadway. I really hope it does, or I’ll have to resort to seeing Xanadu again, and there’s nothing lesbian about that — despite my enduring crush on Jackie Hoffman. (Hey, she’d be perfect as the juvenile-work-camp matron in Girl Gang!)

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 3

“Every night I have to kiss the girl who plays Joanne and she’s a great kisser — her lips are really soft. I’m sitting on the fence over whether boys or girls are better kissers, but I still prefer men at the moment.”

British stage actress Denise van Outen in the Oct. 17 issue of the U.K. tabloid The Sun, on what it’s like to play bisexual Maureen in the West End production of Rent

THE TAGLINE WE NEVER KNEW WE ALWAYS WANTED

In the November issue of Curve magazine, OurChart.com president Hilary Rosen has some high praise for AfterEllen.com:

“We have a good relationship with AfterEllen.com. In terms of content sharing — they cover every lesbian who’s ever sneezed in a movie or on a TV show, and that’s what they do.”

Coming next month on AfterEllen.com: Lesbians who cough!

SHOCKINGLY, TILA TEQUILA DID NOT MAKE THE LIST

At this year’s Nov. 11 Power Premiere, the annual silent auction and dinner for lesbian filmmaking non-profit organization POWER UP (see our write-up of last year’s event here), AfterEllen.com will be presenting a tribute to groundbreaking moments in lesbian television. We’ll honor some of the actresses involved in those moments, including Jane Sibbett (Friends), Renee O’Connor (Xena), Amber Benson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Thea Gill and Michelle Clunie (Queer as Folk), Jenny Shimizu (Dante’s Cove) and Michelle Paradise (Exes & Ohs).

The women of Desert Hearts — Patricia Charbonneau, Helen Shaver, and director Donna Deitch — will also be honored at the event.

Yes, it really is like a lesbian TV/movie mashup come to life!

The good news is that the event is open to anyone who is willing to pay the ticket price; the bad news is that it’s held in L.A., where most of you don’t live — but that’s why cars, planes, trains and unicycles were invented! Click on the invitation or go to power-up.net below for more details if you’re interested.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

Lesbian activist Chrissy Gephardt and her father, Dick, spoke to Wolf Blitzer this week about For the Bible Tells Me So, a documentary that examines anti-gay attitudes among Christians.

The lesbians turned out for the Dante’s Cove premiere this week, and we have the photos to prove it!

The new season of The L Word starts Jan. 6 on Showtime. Let’s see, how many days away is that? I think I’ll ask Jenny to help me make a carnival-themed countdown collage.

The documentary Abomination: Homosexuality and the Ex-Gay Movement premieres Oct. 24 in New York and is also available on DVD.

Also on Oct. 24, Bravo presents Work Out: Trainer’s Day Off, in which we find out what the Sky Sport trainers (including Jackie Warner) do after hours. Zen is still nurturing her budding comedy career — I wonder if she’s heard the sound of no hands clapping?

Rosie O’Donnell “and special guests” will do a standup show on Nov. 6 at Lincoln Center as part of the New York Comedy Festival.

The new website TopOutColleges.com rates the “LGBT-friendliness” of U.S. colleges. In my day, we had to just visit the campus and hope our gaydar wasn’t region-specific. (I happened to visit my first-choice school on “denim day,” when everyone was supposed to wear jeans to show their support for gay rights. I knew that was a lucky pair of Levi’s!)

The U.K. reality show There’s Something About Miriam debuts Nov. 4 on Fox Reality, with a sneak preview Oct. 31. (I could tell you what the “something” is, but wouldn’t that ruin the fun?)

Michelle Paradise wants your best/worst date stories!

The Bad Girls recaps will now be posted on Mondays rather than Fridays, to make room for Karman’s Tila Tequila recaps on Fridays.

Speaking of everyone’s favorite train wreck reality show, watch Malinda and Sarah P.’s very funny rant about the second episode on today’s new episode of The Lo-Down (complete with foam-party re-enactment!).

Finally, a technical note: If you subscribed to our RSS feed via FeedBurner, you’ve no doubt noticed that the feed has included AfterElton.com headlines this week. We apologize for the glitch; it’s not intentional. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait for FeedBurner to fix it. In the meantime, you can subscribe to AfterEllen.com headlines directly (bypassing FeedBurner altogether) with this URL: www.afterellen.com/rss.xml.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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