Zooey Deschanel sings for cotton

Cotton is a versatile, breathable, wonderful fabric. I might even dare to say, the fabric of my life. And, according to this new Cotton campaign, it is also the fabric of Zooey Deschanel’s life. She’s donated her vocal and musical stylings for the latest Cotton campaign, and, I have to say, the first time I saw the commercial on my TV, I hit the rewind button on my DVR more than once.

Here’s the ad:

You’re probably thinking, “She’s so hot/cute/adorable,” but my rewinding was prompted by a state of sheer confusion. “What is going on here?” was the main sentiment that came from my non-verbals and I sat in shock. I then took some time to diagnose what might have put me into aforementioned shock, and here’s what I came up with:

1: Cotton doesn’t make me want to go record shopping
2: Most of those dresses weren’t that cute
3: Montages of women having fun remind me feminine hygiene commercials
4: The general, inherent weirdness for those who sing through their nose
5: The general, inherent weirdness I have for actors and actresses who want to be recording artists (see: Jenny Lewis, Hayden Panettiere, Lindsay Lohan, Russell Crowe, and, public enemy #1, Scarlet Johansson)

Her singing makes me uncomfortable. Other than the She & Him stuff she did with M Ward (indie-pop goodness!), I think Zooey might just suffer from Too Precious Syndrome and this ad is a great piece of evidence to support my claim. However, before lynching me for this accusation, I kindly ask you to put a couple of things into consideration:

1: Elf

2: Yes Man

3: Her refusal to admit the striking similarities in her appearance to that of Katy Perry

4: She almost got Andy killed by Abumchuk and kidnapped Shane! (Those who don’t watch Weeds can disregard this one)

5: She’s engaged to the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie (Fine, that is kind of cute.)

OK, there is always the chance that I might be really cynical, or just still dealing with erratic insulin levels from all of the Easter candy I’ve consumed in the past month. And, a lot of people do like Juno, 7th Heaven and friendship — all equally precious.

I ask you to please just read these lyrics, listen to the song, and tell me what you think. Above all things, I’m not too sure of how Deschanel’s effort will be very effective in making the average American TV viewer more passionate about cotton (most yuppies have TiVo, anyway). Maybe if she was singing in her underwear.

I would like to quickly remark that Zooey Deschanel can do whatever she wants and it won’t equal the amount of pain I suffered when I heard Scarlet Johansson singing Jeff Buckey’s “Last Goodbye.” Is nothing sacred?

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