“Work Out” Recaps: Episode 3.9 “Results Are In”


Those awesome communication
skillz —
Later that night, Briana and Jackie are in the bedroom. There are
clothes everywhere. Sadly, they’re not having makeup sex. It’s laundry night. Or
moving night, possibly. Whatever else it is, it’s definitely processing night.

They eye each other uneasily. Finally, Jackie breaks the
lengthy silence and asks Briana what her plans are for the evening.

Briana: Why? What
were you thinking?
Jackie: I was thinking maybe I’d go
to the movies.
Briana: You going to the movies
alone? Or you want to go to the movies together?
Jackie: What do you want to do?
Briana: Well, you said you would go
to the movies. You didn’t say, "Do you want to go to the movies?"
Jackie: Well, I was planning on
going to the movies alone, but I would like for you to come, if you’d like to.
Briana: Well, if you were "planning,"
are you just saying you want time alone? What are you saying?

What are either of
you saying? This is worse than the worst lesbian movie I’ve ever seen.

Please shoot me — Two
minutes later, the clothes are folded, Jackie and Briana are lying on the bed,
and we get this exchange.

Briana: Anything
you want to talk about?
Jackie: Mmm, no. You?
Briana: Not if you have nothing to
talk about. No. I mean, I guess we’re OK.
Jackie: I definitely feel tension
between us.
Briana: Oh, well, no doubt. Maybe a
few days … I don’t know. Do you need time?
Jackie: It’s up to you.
Briana: Well, it’s not really up to
me. It’s up to us.

What are you thinking? I dunno, what are you thinking? What
are you saying? That depends, what are you saying? Are you saying what you’re
thinking, because you better be thinking about what you’re saying.

Is it possible to OD on lesbians?

Suddenly, they’re talking about having some alone time. Jackie
doesn’t understand how they went from her going to a movie to spending a few
days apart. How that happens, no one knows. It’s one of the great mysteries of lesbian

Jackie wants her alone time, but she also wants to have
Briana nearby — like, say, in the guest bedroom. Briana doesn’t want to sleep
in the guest room while knowing Jackie is in their room; she’d rather just stay
at a friend’s house.

Jackie: Go on.
Briana: "Go on" as in, you
want me to leave now?
Jackie: No, I’m saying that’s fine.
Briana: We need to come to a
Jackie: I just said, "Do
whatever you want."

Silence fills the room. Jackie sighs. Briana stares. Down
the hallway, Pichu growls once. Stillness. Grass is growing, glaciers are
melting, and I’m not getting any younger over here.

If Ingmar
had been a lesbian, this is what it would have been like.

Eventually, Jackie gets up to go to her movie; I guess she’s
still going to try and catch the 8:15 p.m. showing of Kung Fu Panda. Briana
lies motionless on the bed and says lifelessly, "Enjoy your movie."

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