Archive

“Work Out” Recaps: Episode 3.6 “Get Nasty”

Jackie Warner will now take your questions – Last week, the SkyLabbers had a group therapy session, giving everyone the opportunity to share their stories and struggles in a safe and nurturing environment. Micah and Damon altruistically tried to help Deenie gain some clarity by telling her she’s full of crap and is “killing” the rest of them. All in all, a good night.

Today, Jackie has summoned the clients and trainers to the hotel gym to review what they’ve learned so far. Everyone’s just thrilled to be there.

The meeting quickly becomes a Q&A for the Queen of All Fitness Knowledge. Natalie wants to know why people tend to crave carbs and sugar when they feel low. Um, because Brussels sprouts taste like doody?

Jackie explains: “They’re comfort foods. Your entire life, you’ve been fed foods that have chemicals in them, and those chemicals – a lot of them – are now found to be very addictive.”

Thankfully, my mother did not feed us chemical-laden junk when we were kids. When I’m down, I reach for the things we were fed in childhood: steak, tofu and an Asian dish called Don’tshamethefamily.

Deenie trots out her weak psyche for its regularly scheduled appearance – shows are every hour, on the half-hour. She admits that she’s nervous that after the Sunfare meals stop coming to her house, she’ll have to rely on her own food choices.

Jackie advises her to consider what those Sunfare meals are missing: no white breads, no processed foods.

Jackie: Give me an example. If you were at a restaurant and you had anything at your disposal, how you might order from that menu? Deenie: If I went to a fast food restaurant, I would order a salad and I would get the dressing on the side.

M’kay. Raise your hand if you believe that. If neurotics build castles in the sky, and psychotics live in them, I’m pretty sure Deenie has pizza delivered to them.

Jackie suggests that ordering a grilled chicken sandwich, throwing out the bun, and adding the meat to the salad is a great way to fill up. Without that trick, starvation can too easily lead to cheating. Everyone nods at Jackie’s words and their beautiful simplicity.

Gah, I hate it when she’s right.

Work hard, play harder – Exhausted, Jackie retires to her room and goes to sleep. It’s been a long day. The trainers, however, have their own plans and head straight for the hotel bar to drink it up.

Jesse and fellow gay man J.D. sit at the bar and strike a deal. Jesse will set J.D. up on a date with one of his single, Hottiewood friends, in exchange for a free massage. Both entail mood music, a stranger’s hands all over your body, putting your clothes back on by candle light, or, if you’re at home, a shower. Sounds fair.

Plitt orders a round of shots for everyone and toasts to Sky Sport. If not for the gym, he wouldn’t have met any of them.

Plitt: And every single one of you has enriched my life, and I hope that maybe I’ve enriched your life, and I think we’ve all enriched each other’s lives through the process.

There’s more enrichment going on at that gym than at all the after-school programs in America combined.

Sky Sport’s resident gossip-monger, Lisa, is there, too. She’s not a trainer, but she likes to party like one. Unprompted, she shows Greg her chesticles, bragging that they’re real. Rebecca asks, “Can I feel?” and gives Lisa’s boob the Fresh Bread Test.

Lisa gladly obliges. The irony of whipping out her own breasts so soon after Boobgate is completely lost on L.A.’s biggest mouth.

Plitt sees Rebecca helping herself to a feel on Lisa and says, “What the hell would you think if I went, ‘Man …,'” and grabs Gregg’s crotch with a full palm. Renessa is scandalized and covers her mouth with both hands, squealing like a schoolgirl.

After everyone’s done fondling each other, Plitt and Rebecca play a game of Speed Dating, with Rebecca pretending to be Jackie.

Greg: What’s your name? Rebecca: Doesn’t matter. I own a gym. Sugar is the devil.

Peals of laughter fill the bar.

Rebecca: Hit it! C’mon, hit it! Greg: How flexible are you? Rebecca: You know, I think that’s inappropriate talk. Greg: Shh. Rebecca: Oh, you’re shushing me? Oh, you’re shushing me? Do you know who I am?

Rebecca doesn’t pine for Jackie anymore, I guess.

Renessa wants in on the fun and plays Britney to Plitt’s K-Fed.

“Can you see my crotch?” she asks in that nasal, bubble-headed monotone we’ve all come to know and love.

Gregg mutters, “Jesus Christ,” and quickly leaves the bar – he’s never been into this aspect of the show. Sensing impending hook-uppage, the others soon follow, leaving Renessa alone with her crush, the talking pile of boulders known as Greg Plitt.

Hammered and feeling fine, Greg and Renessa take some pictures of themselves, lounging on the bar. Not in the bar. On the bar.

And here’s yet another place the show will never be invited back to.

The pool needs more chlorine – After they finish writhing all over the hotel’s bar, Sky Sport’s classy staff members decide to unwind with a nice dip in the pool.

Greg picks Renessa up in his ginormous guns as effortlessly as if she were an inflatable sex doll. She feigns horror, begging him to not ruin her hair, but Greg ignores her and falls backward into the pool, giving everyone an eyeful of Renessa’s see-through, clinging dress.

Renessa squeals like a delighted piglet, no longer concerned about her hair.

Plitt lifts Renessa up by her legs and prepares to throw her in the air by bobbing her up and down with a “One, two, three.”

Renessa: Wait, wait. What’s one and two again? Greg: One, two … Renessa: Wait. What’s one and two again? Greg: Huh? Renessa: What was one and two again?

She thinks she’s tricking him into bobbing her up and down, over and over, but the trick is on her: He thinks she’s just dumb as a bag of hair.

By the time they’re done, Greg has stripped off his pants and made out with Renessa in the hot tub as Agostina and Gregg watch from their balcony.

This is how straight people flirt:

Renessa: Oh no, your shoe’s wet. Greg: They dry out. Renessa: They do? Greg: Yeah, they do. Renessa: Really?

Somewhere between the bar and the pool, Renessa got a lobotomy.

Eventually, Romeo and Juliet leave the hot tub and go to Greg’s room to do some private ab work. Gregg sums up the evening beautifully: “I saw a man in his underwear and someone who was very happy to see him in his underwear.”

Where’s Plitt? – It’s half past the ass crack of dawn, and the trainers are waiting in the lobby for Jackie to lead today’s boot camp. Why do they have to start at 5 a.m.? Does one lose more weight in the pre-dawn hours? Would they not get the same benefits by starting at 8 a.m.? Isn’t there enough needless suffering in the world?

Renessa sashays in wearing Plitt’s sweater, lest anyone miss the fact that she realized her dreams last night. If we’ve learned anything about Renessa this weekend, it’s that she’s subtle.

Agostina and the others are mildly amused – and a little skeeved.

Rebecca laughs and says she understands the concept of the clothing trophy. She herself has an extensive collection of menswear from her college days. And, I think, more recently she’s added a few things from Jackie’s closet.

It’s time to go to work. Outside, it’s raw and foggy and looks just awful. Jackie notices that Plitt is missing and demands to know where he is. Renessa stands off to the side, trying to go unnoticed because she’s still drunk. Ever helpful, Erika explains what Plitt was doing last night.

Jackie is not amused that Greg has called in sick to the, uh, lawn.

Jackie: I’m glad to see where the priority was: boozing. It’s not a party; we’re not in Vegas. We’re here for a reason. And if you can’t take it seriously … you can’t get loaded to the point that you can’t even show up this morning. That doesn’t work.

We know this is not Vegas, because if this were Vegas, Deenie would be wearing her Goody Proctor sweatshirt.

Jackie likes to get her drink on as much as the next binger, but she’s never let it interfere with a SkyLab boot camp.

Erika’s client, Damon, had to leave because of work, so Erika takes on Plitt’s client and everyone gets down to working out in the fog. Here are some things you don’t see everyday.

Sorry about the drunk and dis-robed-ly – Afterward, Renessa goes to Jackie, her tail between her legs, and apologizes for flying her bimbo colors in the bar and for showing up to boot camp with dry mouth. Jackie lets her off with a warning.

In her confessional, Renessa sings a very different tune.

Renessa: I apologized, but at the same time, I’m thinking, “I’m a grown woman. I don’t have to apolo – I’m of age.” It’s unrealistic for people to see someone like me and think that I run 20 miles a day and that I never kick back. It’s much more inspirational for people to see that, “Oh look. Oh, she can have a good time, too, and still … she can have it all!” Even Greg. [giggles]

“Someone like her” has it “all”? If by “all” she means an inflated sense of self, a high school education and an 11-year-old kid, then the bar is lower than I thought it was.

Is everyone feeling inspired? I know I am.

Back to reality – It’s finally time to go home. Everyone packs their bags and boards the Workout Express for the long ride back to L.A. As the bus pulls away, the Dolphin Bay staff is busy draining the hot tub, re-sanding the bar and hosing the vomit off the beach.

Back at the gym, J.D. is getting to know Brian Peeler’s former client, Shannon. Shannon’s daughter has cerebral palsy and J.D.’s sister has schizophrenia, so they both understand the stress of having medical problems in the family.

Brian? Brian who?

Plitt moseys into the office and finds Jackie out on the deck, using her Crackberry. He sits down to apologize for sleeping through the last day of boot camp.

Greg: I hope you know, from what you know of me, that’s an isolated incident. That’s not going to reoccur. Jackie: [deadpan] Are you an alcoholic? Greg: [laughs] No … I like training hard and I like going out and having a good time, hard …

Hopefully (for the general public) he’s going out and later, somewhere private, having a good time, hard. Anything else would just be, ya know, gross.

Greg: … and everything I do is a hundred percent. Jackie: The biggest thing is when you play, you still have to pay.

Jackie knows Greg Plitt doesn’t take her, the gym or the SkyLab program very seriously. But (a) he’s a walking billboard, and (b) he’s not an emotional, confrontational knucklehead like Peeler. Jackie forgives him.

However, since she publicly said she was going to take action and has to deliver on that, Jackie punishes Plitt by assigning him Deenie. I’d rather be fired.

Plitt asks what she means by “punishment,” to which Jackie replies, “You’ll see what I mean,” and strolls away, laughing merrily to herself. She is pure evil.

Real-life drama – To save the show from degrading into a nonstop free-for-all of boobs, booze and blow-outs (not that there’s anything wrong with that), we pay a visit to a horse ranch where Shannon’s daughter receives equestrian physical therapy for her cerebral palsy.

Years ago, doctors told Shannon she should shop for wheelchairs. Shannon ignored them, did her own research, and got her daughter in a program that moves the pelvis in a walking motion and embeds that muscle memory into the brain.

Sometimes denial is a good thing.

Separate ways – Back at Boob and Blowout Central, Jackie calls Doug Blasdell’s friend Don Scott to talk about the upcoming fundraiser. Jackie tells Don she’s excited to be a part of the event and is so looking forward to it. There’s just one thing he should know: Brian Peeler was fired, and please keep him at least 50 yards away from her.

Meanwhile, out in the Valley, the excommunicated trainer is working out his frustrations with a pair of dumbbells in a not-so-fancy gym.

Gregg pays Brian a visit to see how his buddy has been since getting his walking papers.

Brian: They been all right, I guess, you know, since I got fired. That, and I’ve been having problems at home. Kate and I separated. It’s like my whole world’s been … Gregg: Are you serious? Brian: It’s been coming down. I lost 14 pounds in the last week and a half. Gregg: I’m sorry, man.

Brian talked about his fiancé last season, so he must be a newlywed. A newlywed living in his car.

Gregg cheers Brian up by talking about the fundraiser and Jackie.

Gregg: What about Jackie? What do you want to do about that? Brian: I don’t think it’s something that’s fixable because it’s so much animosity built up over time, and it’s just like, I don’t know what’s going to happen when we go to this fundraiser. I don’t want to bring out anything bad and do anything like that because it’s the Doug thing.

Gregg knows Peeler all too well and laughs and says it’s going to be an interesting night.

And by “interesting” he means fubar.

Poor Brian. He says he’s “at the bottom of the well … swimming in the water, trying to figure out how to climb out of this thing.” Things can always be worse. He could be at the bottom of an outhouse.

Do it for Doug – A gay fundraiser just wouldn’t be gay without drama and tension, and with both Jackie and Brian in attendance, the Doug Blasdell Outreach Program fundraiser should prove to be no different. The trainers arrive at Republic, a chichi restaurant, and mingle about, sipping drinks and greeting one another like it’s been weeks since they’ve seen each other. Check out Erika checking out Agostina. Heh.

You can’t swing a cat in Los Angeles without hitting an LGBT fundraiser. These charity events always feature the obligatory live auction, or the more mysterious “silent auction.” I have yet to go to an LGBT fundraiser that did not feature auctioning off cruises, dinners for two, massages, signed lithographs or a walk-on part on Monk.

Also big at these things: the gift bag. Gift bags always include lots of hair product, vitamin water, a one-day pass to a Hollywood gym (otherwise known as “gay church”), pens, glossy magazines you’ve never heard of, and DVDs of Seasons 1 and 2 of either Ugly Betty or Sex and the City.

It’s awesome, but someone needs to have a fundraiser to pay for the next fundraiser.

The Sky Sport staff is all there, bathed, oiled and dressed as sharp as knives. Jackie makes her grand entrance, dressed in black with lovely Briana on her arm, and poses for pictures.

It’s crowded, but not so crowded that Jackie and Brian can’t give each other the stink eye from across the room.

As Jackie makes small talk with Don and admires the list of donors, Brian gets stupid on vodka, generously provided by Absolut. Plitt tells the group that Peeler signed his separation papers that day and is in a bad place.

As Don makes his opening remarks, Brian clings to Rebecca and gives her a much-needed hug. Much needed by him. Rebecca is surprised, to say the least.

The live auction starts, saving Rebecca from having Brian weep on her bare shoulder. Jackie takes the stage and explains that J.D. and Rebecca, her “beautiful trainers,” will be moving through the crowd, looking for the auction winners.

Jackie: I pulled Rebecca and J.D. I know what my gays like, OK? So I pulled my two hotties up so they could go out and congratulate the winner of the auction, so it would be a nice touch.

And that is why Jackie Warner has a series and you don’t.

A cute little auctioneer takes the mic from Jackie and blows the room away with her super-amped, hyper auction action. “Nineteenhundred. Intheback-nineteenhundred DoIheartwo-twothousand? Twothousand-righthere …”

Tens of thousands of dollars are raised, but Brian, who’s wasted, thinks the room is being cheap and starts yelling for everyone to give more. The lure of the spotlight proves to be too much and he slowly inches his way onto the stage until he’s holding the mic, shouting at a stunned room.

Jackie’s face freezes in a brittle smile as Brian proceeds to make a total jackhole of himself in front of all of Doug’s friends and his former Sky Sport co-workers.

The next item up for bid is some Sunfare food and a Gold’s gym gift card. The bidding stalls at $600, so Brian throws in a free week of training sessions with him. The room goes silent. Even the auctioneer lady is speechless.

After the winning bid comes in at $700, Jackie looks off to the side, shakes her head and rolls her eyes. It’s a new kind of train wreck and even Jackie, who’s ridden her share, is utterly mortified.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself – Afterward, Brian approaches Jackie and whispers that he wants to talk to her. Her spidey senses tingling, she takes him outside in case he makes a scene.

This is going to be good. Hold my calls.

Brian: Let me start. Jackie: OK, go ahead. Brian: You and I, we’re like a triangle.

Oh yes, this is going to be most excellent.

Brian: You’re this corner, I’m this corner. You put it together, ya know where we’re going? We’re going to the same point. Jackie: Here’s the deal. Brian, look. This isn’t about our business things. It’s about are you OK? Are you OK? Are you in a good place or are you not … that’s it.

Brian: I’m not. I’m not. I’m not f—ing … ya know, everything comes down all at once, it’s like … Jackie: I know. It’s always like that. Brian: I don’t want to be just a trainer. I honestly think you’re a very smart businesswoman. I do. And I look up to you. And I want to learn a lot from you.

Jackie’s face visibly hardens. She had heard from the others that Brian was going through the ringer and wanted to check on him. But the minute the ass-kissing started, she knew this was a mistake. You cannot bull s— a bull s—ter.

Brian: Listen, I love you as a person. I’m telling you this right now, as an honest person. Look at me in my eyes. I’m telling you I love you. We don’t get along on a lot of stuff, but I love you and I want to f—ing see you succeed. I want to see both of us succeed. Jackie: I think you’re a little buzzed, ’cause you don’t usually speak like this.

Oh Brian, please pull over, I’m begging you.

Brian doesn’t know how to quit when he’s behind and asks if Jackie wants him to be a part of her business, wants him be there and help her “go on further.” He’s drunk, alone, hungry for the spotlight, and begging for his job back; does television get any better-slash-worse?

After a long pause – she’s not considering his question; she’s thunderstruck by his jackassery – Jackie says calmly but firmly, “I do not want you as an employee.”

Brian does not take the news well.

I don’t love you anymore – Brian does a 180 faster than Danica Patrick in a spin-out. He’s ranting, he’s raving, he tells Jackie she disrespects everyone. (Brian is obsessed with respect.) Jackie counters she has 25 employees, and they don’t think that’s so.

Brian calls Jackie “high and all mighty,” and ices the cake with, “You’re so f—ing great, f— you!” and storms off in a vodka-fueled huff.

What, no hug?

You’d think it was finally over. The Jackie Warner—Brian Peeler chapter has come to an end. But no. Brian comes back because – again – he’s not getting that concept of quitting when he’s behind.

Jackie: Don’t get hopped up on me. I don’t want to do this here, at this event. Brian: Come with me. Jackie: No, no I’m not. All I just wanted was to … Brian: Listen. Jackie: I was checking on you to make sure you’re OK. Brian: Yeah, my life is f—ed up. That’s great. It’s all about what Jackie wants. It’s all about what’s good for Jackie. Jackie: I am trying … No … Brian: It is! Why do you think your friends leave you? Jackie: My … Brian: Why do you think f—ing … Connie’s daughter?

Who’s Connie’s daughter? Is she hot?

Brian slaps his hand again and again, yelling, “It’s only when you need somebody!”

When you need somebody, call my name. If you want someone, you can do the same. Free, free, set them free … la la la.

Even after Jackie goes back into the restaurant, Brian is still ranting at the camera. She’s not a good human being! OK, we get it. She’s bad. Bad Jackie. Thanks. Got the memo. Bye. Finally, Brian walks off into the night for the last time.

Or is it?

Next week on Work Out: The milk of human compassion, otherwise known as Jackie’s mother, comes to visit. Little does she know, Briana lives there. And Briana’s family is visiting that same week. Who needs an extra pillow?

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button