As Jackie announces she’s
been working on this new product for a while and "finally got it
right," like she’s some kind of lesbian Willy Wonka, Jesse can’t help but
Jesse: I love Jackie and I wish her the
best with all of her business ventures. But if I have to hear about one more
amazing Jackie Warner product, I’ll jump off the cliffs into the ocean.
See you at the bottom.
The bars seem to be a
hit, but when you’ve been running and jumping all day, and then are given
nothing to eat except greens and squares of salmon the size of playing cards, even
wet cardboard tastes good.
Agostina’s turn — Energized on Ego! bars and a feeling of
accomplishment, the gang goes outside to be led by Agostina in a boxing-yoga
boot camp, which makes more sense than it sounds. Thirty minutes of boxing,
then 30 minutes of yoga, to meditate on your violent tendencies.
You do not want to mess with Tyra.
Jackie watches from afar
and wishes she had 50 Agostinas. There are several women out there who would
settle for just one.
Therapy — No retreat would be complete without group therapy that
ends in either tears or a rageful fit. If we’re lucky, this year’s session will
give us both. Jackie assembles everyone in a room with an eating disorder
therapist. Let the blame-placing begin.
starts off by admitting her childhood was tense and she escaped by eating.
Damon was called a fat kid in school, and it’s stuck with him ever since. Shannon has a baby with brain damage and copes by
overeating. Her story brings the room to tears.
When it’s Deenie’s turn,
she tells the group how she moved back to Mississippi to care for her mother until she
passed away. After that, she decided she could do whatever she wanted to.
Deenie: My two issues are instant gratification
and entitlement, ya know? Hell, ya know, I was in my 20s when my mom died. If I
want ice cream, I can have it. Have a cigarette [or] don’t. Oh, cigarette’s
going to be really good. I don’t care if it takes seven minutes off my life. That’s
in 80 years.
Jackie: You’re rewarding with
Deenie: And that’s how I do
everything. That’s what’s hard for me to switch.
Damon: I don’t believe that. I don’t
Who asked you, Chuckles?
The therapist cuts Damon
off before a fight starts. But before she can get control of the conversation, Micah
jumps in and lisps through his braces, "Thee was just about to thay a lot
of thuff, and I would like to hear it," and gives Deenie a sarcastic look.
Deenie’s look is even better.
Yeah, Deenie, thay it.