Archive

“Work Out” Recaps: Episode 3.5 “No Pain, No Gain”

Life goes on – Sky Sport owner, professional fitness trainer to Hollywood’s finest, and star of Bravo’s hit series Work Out, Jackie Warner made an executive decision last week. After protracted and thoughtful deliberation, she fired Brian Peeler. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Jackie: I really don’t care where Brian ends up. The pain in the ass that he just is – that is Brian Peeler on an ongoing basis – is not worth having. I think I handled it completely professionally. I feel that I did the right thing.

What was the completely professional part of “Get the f— out” again? I forget.

Brian’s departure has left his SkyLab client, Shannon, without a trainer, so Jackie assures her that several Sky Sport trainers have volunteered to make her throw up. No matter what happens, someone will be there to hold her hair back.

Shannon, who cares nothing about internal malarkey – “interlarkey” if you will – just wants to know where she stands now.

Shannon: Just so you know, from a client standpoint, I felt that he was giving me a hundred percent. Jackie: Yeah, yeah. Shannon: And I was seeing results. Jackie: Yeah, sure. It’s not his training skills. That’s not the issue. Shannon: Brian called me and he told me, “I can’t come back into Sky Sport anymore, but I can still train you outside.” And I said, “Outside where?” “Outside in the park,” he said.

Well, he did say “outside.” I like to jump in front of the old people doing tai chi in the park and start barking orders at them to go faster.

Jack Daddy assures Shannon that as the boss, she had “darn good reason” for banning Brian from the building and trots off to start the day.

Go pound sand – Jackie gathers all the SkyLabbers into one shivering mass on a cold beach under an overcast sky. Using the sand for added resistance, she yells, “Run!” and everyone takes off until their calves are screaming for mercy. Everyone except Deenie, that is, who gingerly walks around, claiming she’s trying. Trying to stay near the cameras, perhaps.

Deenie’s bruised ankle prevents her from being able to hop, skip and jump, but it’s her crappy attitude that’s making Jackie nuts. “Her injury is her excuse for everything,” Jackie claims. Yeah, what’s your excuse?

After putting the class through their paces – push-ups, jumping jacks, hula-hoop stepping – every single client is in cardio distress. Jackie makes the professional assessment, “Damn, they can’t do s—.” Good thing she went to school to learn this stuff.

Next, everyone gets into a wet suit, which I can tell you firsthand is a major workout in itself. Deenie jokes that she feels like Catwoman.

Mmm, yeah. No. I didn’t feel like Catwoman in a wet suit. I felt like a little sausage in a casing made by Michelin. Totally hawt.

Now it’s time for some fun: The kids get to Boogie board. Tyra is afraid of the water, but unlike Deenie and her boo-hoo ways, she’s up for anything and has a blast with the whole experience, including getting sand in those hard to reach areas.

After everyone’s lips have turned blue, Jackie pulls them out of the water and rewards the group with the announcement that they’re all going to the Dolphin Bay Hotel, a luxe resort and spa in Northern California. Someone call ahead and warn the staff, please.

Consorting with the enemy – After her day at the beach, Paisley enjoys a massage from J.D. and they chat about nothing interesting. More importantly, Brian is over at Plitt’s house, rehashing his hate/hate relationship with Jackie.

On last week’s recap, there were oodles of comments and processing about whether Brian Peeler is a homophobe or not. In my humble opinion, he is not a homophobe. Homophobes don’t cry real tears when a gay friend dies. Homophobes don’t have any gay friends. Actually, they probably do, they just don’t know it.

Brian tells Plitt all he wanted was to have Jackie apologize to his client. Instead, Jackie fired Brian for pestering her about it – that and a hundred other things she couldn’t stand about him anymore. In the final analysis, it’s her gym and she can hire and fire at will.

To read letters of apology from both Jackie and Lisa, go to their show blogs. Well, at least one of them apologized.

Anywho, moving on. Renessa, Brian’s friend from before the show, stops by to give Brian a hug and take advantage of Greg’s grill.

Brian: All I wanted her to do was “woman up” and apologize. Swallow your pride and say, “Yes, you know what? I did mess up. Yeah, I will call her and apologize.” That’s all I wanted. Renessa: Did she? Brian: No. Renessa: Did she ever talk to her? Brian: No. Renessa: Is she going to? Brian: No.

Plitt is the new guy and doesn’t understand the Warner/Peeler animosity. Renessa says she heard Brian was banned from the building, but Brian isn’t worried. “I’m looking into do my own gym now,” he says boldly. Brian Peeler’s Sports Gym closes at sundown. To get there, take a left into the park; it’s last parking lot on the right, next to the swing sets.

Renessa tells Brian that Jackie said she was afraid of him. “I would never hit a woman,” he says simply. Dr. Plitt offers his diagnosis: Jackie is insecure and needs to put others down, which provides her with some fleeting satisfaction, but does not address her underlying discomfort with herself.

Renessa has slowly become smitten with Greg and now hangs on his every word. She tells him he should have his own show. Oh yeah, let’s do that next.

The whole lot of them are riding the crazy train: The trainers are the passengers, Lisa’s collecting tickets and Jackie’s in the front, driving the whole thing off a cliff. Everyone wave!

The Drowsy SkyLabber Agostina has gone to visit Micah at his apartment, to check on his Sunfare planned meal supply and demonstrate exercises that he can do in the comfort of his own home. There’s more of that personal attention that Deenie’s not getting from Mr. Rock and Roll, Gregg Butler.

During her home visit, we learn several things. Sunfare’s miso-blackened salmon is “I mean, like, delicious,” squats and lunges are fun and easy, and Micah likes Broadway musicals.

Is that a copy of The Drowsy Chaperone on the bookshelf? No, not too gay.

All aboard – Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jackie assigns Brian’s former client Shannon to J.D., but not because he earned it or is ready to step up. It’s because she’s shorthanded. But the Master of Marketing spins it to be a match made in fitness heaven. J.D. wants to prove himself to the boss, so he thanks her and runs off to learn how to be a trainer in the next 24 hours.

The next day, it’s time to leave for the retreat. Everyone meets in the lobby of Sky Sport and prepares to board the crazy train, which today is cleverly disguised as a charter bus. Jackie gives trainers and clients alike a peppy talk about the hard emotional and physical work that lies ahead of them. Lisa, who has no earthly reason to be there except, hey, free trip, clings to her pillow from home. Maybe they can drop her off at the Special Olympics, where she can do color commentary, and they can pick her up on the way back.

En route to the resort, Jackie suggests that everyone introduce themselves. Agostina states her name and gushes that her client Micah is awesome. Renessa tells everyone she’s training Tyra, who gives a hearty “woo hoo” when she hears her name. Jesse gives it up for his BFF, Natalie. Deenie introduces herself and says Gregg is her trainer. Where is Gregg, anyway?

Also missing from the magical misery tour are Erika’s client, Damon, and Greg Plitt; they will be coming up to the resort on their own.

Too bad they didn’t get to witness these road trip shenanigans: Jackie and Jesse pretend to kiss. At the last moment, Jackie and Jesse pull back and giggle, but accidentally brush lips.

Jesse: They touched! Jackie: It burns! It burns!

I miss Jackie and Jesse’s amusing gay brother-sister chemistry. For that, I blame the producers.

As Jackie and Jesse laugh at each other’s cracks about cold sores and hetero lip chemical burns, Renessa sits down next to Rebecca. In between chewing gum smacks and chomps, Renessa tells Rebecca about her new crush on Plitt. Rebecca digs in with two spoons.

Renessa: I don’t think he likes me, though. Rebecca: Well, I can assure you … Renessa: That’s the worst part of all. Rebecca: … I’m going to find out for you. Oh girl, you just opened up a can of worms.

Ugh, boy gossip. I was going to say I was happy to see Rebecca, but I changed my mind. If they start braiding each other’s hair, I’m out of here.

Dolphin BayThe Work Out gang finally arrives at the resort late in the evening, where they are greeted by the nice lady manager. After her warm welcome, everyone goes to their room to change and reconvene downstairs. Out on the patio, Jackie says the purpose of this dinner is to show everyone how to eat in the real world, and she introduces Chef Evan and his big ol’ neck.

Fat chefs. The poster children for healthy eating.

After the group enjoys some nummy salmon and veggies, and J.D. gets to know his new client, Shannon, Jackie tells the clients to skedaddle so she can have a meeting with her staff. I thought eating right before bed was a no-no. Eh, what do I know?

Jackie tells the trainers they have a full day tomorrow. First, she wants them to wake their clients at 5:00 a.m. for a beach boot camp. She warns them it’s going to be ugly, and she doesn’t mean Deenie’s hat.

Jackie: There are going to be a lot of tears, I can tell you right now. There’s going to be a lot of complaining, a lot of victim stuff going on, and fighting you and me.

And that’s just among the staff.

Jackie: One thing I’ve noticed about this group is they’re full of excuses. They’re great people, but they are victims. So, this weekend, I want to wipe that right out. That’s our job.

Good luck with that, sweetheart.

Wakey, wakey – The next morning, it’s cold, foggy and raw; a perfect day to sleep in for a workout on the beach. The trainers find their clients’ rooms and start pounding on the doors. Gregg, who arrived sometime during the night, is there to give Deenie her wake-up call. Victoria, a dance instructor being trained by Plitt who doesn’t get nearly enough airtime, makes her feelings about the pre-dawn boot camp pretty clear.

Justifiable homicide would not be out of the question right about now.

Before they go down to the beach, Deenie smokes her breakfast in front of Gregg and Renessa, savoring each belligerent drag and exhaling right in Renessa’s face.

Smoking is a form of controlled breathing. It’s just like yoga, really.

You will respect my authority – Down at the bottom of a rocky bluff, Jackie runs the group through some exercises while the trainers stand behind their respective clients, watching like prison guards.

When Jackie leads the group down the shoreline for a run, Deenie meanders after them with no intention of even attempting a mildly brisk walk. Jesse and the others watch in disbelief.

Jesse: What is she doing? Gregg, go push her. Gregg: There’s nothing I can do, man.

As the group loops back to the starting point, Jackie runs up to Deenie, who hasn’t walked more than 20 yards. Deenie claims her doctor told her not to do things like walk. She is, however, allowed to smoke, be a drama princess, and appear on a TV show.

Jackie grabs her problem child by the arm.

Deenie: [whining] It f—ing hurts. Jackie: [sternly] OK, come on. It hurts a lot more to be obese your entire life, honey. Trust me.

Jackie is more P.O.’d than she’s ever been in all three seasons of dealing with Peeler. As the other trainers watch with shock and awe, Deenie ignores Jackie’s instructions to get on her mat and instead gets a sip of water.

Jackie gets dissed, and we all know how much she loves that. Apparently, Deenie’s death wish extends beyond dying at 52 from heart disease.

Before the morning is over, Shannon has puked (again) in the sand but gets right back into the game, earning Jackie’s respect and admiration. Jackie loves the smell of regurgitated salmon in the morning. It smells like victory.

On the other end of the motivation spectrum, Deenie plops down in the wet sand and starts bawling like a baby. There, there. It’s so not your fault. It’s Gregg’s fault for not visiting you at home or calling to say hi.

Unlike Deenie, the others soldier on, even though none of them want to be there either. Tyra wears her game face all the way through the ordeal.

Someone’s earned the right to a heaping plate of egg whites and cantaloupe. Work it, girl.

Deenie has said, “It’s my life, it’s my journey,” and that journey is going to be traveled in a motorized scooter chair someday. But hey, some of them come with mag wheels, so as long as she’s the center of attention, it’s all good.

Everything’s better when wet – After their morning in hell, the clients are allowed to return to the hotel to pass out. The trainers, who did minimal work down on the beach, wander off to do their own thing. Rebecca uses the time to tell Plitt someone has a crush on him. But she has to hurry, because she has cheerleading practice, right after geometry.

Greg: I got an idea who it is. Rebecca: You do? Greg: Renessa. Rebecca: You’re very perceptive. Any interest? Greg: [very long pause] Um. [another telling pause] All right, here it is. Rebecca: OK, give it to me. Greg: Black and white, it has to do with, like, a previous relationship that I just got out of. I might not be ready to jump back into something. Rebecca: You still have to have sex, for God sakes.

Rebecca lets Greg know that Renessa is wide open for business, because what are girlfriends for? Greg has zero interest in Renessa and politely chuckles-slash-heaves.

Just then, the rest of the trainers jump into the pool and play a game of chicken. Jesse’s nape enjoys the sensation of both man parts and lady parts.

The last time Jesse had a va-jay-jay so close to his face, he was about to go down on a guy he met named Max.

Jackie and Lisa show up and announce there’s going to be a pool boot camp now. Plitt is put in charge of this one, and he sets up different workout stations around the pool for circuit-style training.

A former military man, Greg says he’s used to working with men who are in peak shape and not so much in danger of drowning. That said, everyone does great and has a good time, because everything’s more fun in a pool.

Even Deenie has a good time and celebrates with a smoky treat.

Cook as I cook, not as I eat – Later that day, big Chef Evan shows the class how to cook healthy, low-fat meals as culinary school graduate, Jesse, sits in the back of the room looking mildly amused.

Learning to live and eat in the real world is part of SkyLab’s new, expanded program. Chef Evan reminds those addicted to butter and oil that water is a good substitute for cooking veggies.

Unfortunately, veggies are not a good substitute for pizza – believe me, I’ve tried. The pepperoni kept falling off my carrot.

After the cooking lesson is over, the group enjoys a lunch, courtesy of Chef Evan. While they eat, Damon and Micah judge Deenie to be something of a loser.

Damon: I just can’t believe the smoking. She’s pulling down the cigarettes, like, right after a … “Ooh, I just had a long jog, I need to …” Micah: It’s rebellion. And it’s, like, so who are you rebelling against, really? Yourself. And what’s the point? I don’t want to do any of [the workouts] either. Damon: Yeah. No. Micah: Still gotta do it. Just do it.

Neither men have anywhere near as much weight to lose, nor do they hail from Deenie’s home state of Mississippi, the obesity capital of the nation, where 250-pound teenagers are more common than left-handed ones. It’s easy to say “just do it” when it ain’t you. How are those six-pack abs coming along, Micah?

Branding is the name of the game – One thing no one can have enough of is Jackie Warner, especially if you’re her. After lunch, everyone remains seated so Jackie can debut her new – drum roll please – performance bar. One is peanut butter-flavored, for her nutty side; the other is fruit-flavored, for her, well, you get the idea.

For once, Rebecca gnaws on something belonging to Jackie that’s not actually attached to Jackie.

The prototype labels read “Sugar is the Devil.” Catchy name. Not. How about Sky Sports Bars, or Jackie Warner’s Fruity-Nutty’s, or just plain Ego!

As Jackie announces she’s been working on this new product for a while and “finally got it right,” like she’s some kind of lesbian Willy Wonka, Jesse can’t help but laugh.

Jesse: I love Jackie and I wish her the best with all of her business ventures. But if I have to hear about one more amazing Jackie Warner product, I’ll jump off the cliffs into the ocean.

See you at the bottom.

The bars seem to be a hit, but when you’ve been running and jumping all day, and then are given nothing to eat except greens and squares of salmon the size of playing cards, even wet cardboard tastes good.

Agostina’s turn – Energized on Ego! bars and a feeling of accomplishment, the gang goes outside to be led by Agostina in a boxing-yoga boot camp, which makes more sense than it sounds. Thirty minutes of boxing, then 30 minutes of yoga, to meditate on your violent tendencies.

You do not want to mess with Tyra.

Jackie watches from afar and wishes she had 50 Agostinas. There are several women out there who would settle for just one.

Therapy – No retreat would be complete without group therapy that ends in either tears or a rageful fit. If we’re lucky, this year’s session will give us both. Jackie assembles everyone in a room with an eating disorder therapist. Let the blame-placing begin.

Paisley starts off by admitting her childhood was tense and she escaped by eating. Damon was called a fat kid in school, and it’s stuck with him ever since. Shannon has a baby with brain damage and copes by overeating. Her story brings the room to tears.

When it’s Deenie’s turn, she tells the group how she moved back to Mississippi to care for her mother until she passed away. After that, she decided she could do whatever she wanted to.

Deenie: My two issues are instant gratification and entitlement, ya know? Hell, ya know, I was in my 20s when my mom died. If I want ice cream, I can have it. Have a cigarette [or] don’t. Oh, cigarette’s going to be really good. I don’t care if it takes seven minutes off my life. That’s in 80 years.

Try 30.

Jackie: You’re rewarding with short-term rewards. Deenie: And that’s how I do everything. That’s what’s hard for me to switch. Damon: I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that.

Who asked you, Chuckles?

The therapist cuts Damon off before a fight starts. But before she can get control of the conversation, Micah jumps in and lisps through his braces, “Thee was just about to thay a lot of thuff, and I would like to hear it,” and gives Deenie a sarcastic look. Deenie’s look is even better.

Yeah, Deenie, thay it.

Deenie reports that she is making progress: She’s not drinking two bottles of wine every night and is down from a full carton of smokes to half a carton per week. She’s giving “95 percent” to the program; everything has changed for her.

Jesse and his client Natalie exchange dismissive glances with each other. Natalie mouths “OK” sarcastically to Jesse. There is something here they’re not showing us.

Jesse asks the therapist a good question: Where does a personal trainer, who’s not equipped to deal with addicts and finds the truth hard to come by, draw the line?

Deenie doesn’t appreciate the addict characterization and delivers the best line ever from a client: “I do not think I’m addicted to food.” And then she pulls out the old classic: “I have a thyroid problem.”

Oh, honey. No.

For some reason, Damon and Micah have anointed themselves the group’s bull crap callers.

Damon: There has not been one time since I’ve talked to you [when] you’ve been on this [program] that you have not made an excuse … it’s somebody else’s fault, or that … Deenie: Really? Damon: Yeah, I don’t hear you take full responsibility for anything in your life. You say that you’re not an addict. We all are. We’re fat; we’re here. Deenie: What else do you want me to be doing? I’m here.

Micah jumps in and yells: “Every day, it’s been [the] eye-roll. Will you please just shut the f— up and just f—ing do it … if it’s not the ankle, it’s the this or the that …”

The room goes dead silent as Micah’s accusations bloom into a full-blown rant. Finally he screams, “You’re killing us!”

Deenie jumps up and storms out in a huff. OK, then. Who’s ready for some dessert?

Gregg goes outside to talk to his client because he can’t kick her when she’s down. With a few magic “it’s your journey” words, Gregg gets Deenie to go back inside for more bitch-slapping from the boys, but tempers have cooled down.

Damon apologizes for blowing his top, but it’s only because he cares. Jackie, the ringleader, says even though Deenie is the Queen of Excuses, it’s time for compassion. Her words soothe over the wounds of the group like a Warner balm of quiet calm.

Jackie: I was surprised – I think it was very enlightening – I think they’ve had it with each other a little bit.

Gee, after recapping this show for three years, I have no idea what that feels like.

Jackie thanks everyone for their honesty and for sharing. They all applaud the therapist, who has fallen asleep in her chair.

It’s such a fine line between cathartic and exhausting.

Next week on Work Out: The trainers go on a wild party rampage. Plitt follows Rebecca’s advice. You know things are bad when Jackie is the one who has to tell everyone to grow up.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button