Next, Brian has the
ladies out on the terrace for more cardio, some light hand-weight work and core
strengthening. Afterward, everyone’s exhausted and happy (to be alive). Even
though she’s new to gym equipment and Peeler’s slamming workout regimen, Tyra
grunts, "Yes, yes, yes!" as she tries to hold the plank position to
the end of a countdown. Tyra models
through it just swell.
Having tasted the flavors
of both Brian and Jackie’s hard body recipes, Shannon
decides: "It’s probably a draw. Two totally different types of workouts. Actually,
Jackie only made me throw up once. Peeler made me throw up four times."
Client testimonials: the
cornerstone of Sky Sport’s marketing campaign.
Eat our fairy dust — The next day, at the ass crack of dawn, Brian
picks up Jesse, Gregg, J.D. and Plitt, and they all shoot down to the Mud Run
at Camp Pendleton. While the girls autograph breasts aboard a cruise ship, the
boys will play in the mud and, according to Brian, "freeze our testicles
off." A straight man’s idea of a good time is different than yours and
Given a choice between
the two, I don’t know what I’d do. The Olivia Cruise and the Mud Run both sound
like sweaty, dirty fun. Hmm. Running would knock the ice out of my drink, so I
may have to go with the cruise.
Brian puts a jinx on his
day by announcing: "I’m probably going to finish in first. I’m probably
going break all the records." Oh, Brian. Hope you brought some beer to
wash down those words.
Gregg is more realistic about
his prospects when he admits he doesn’t do cardio. "The last time I ran
6.2 miles was never," he says unapologetically.
It doesn’t matter if you
have shoulders like two frozen roast beefs. This one’s about endurance. Six
miles? My girlfriend could kick all your fuzzy asses. But good luck, boys.
The guys stick together
until Brian gets a leg cramp and slows to a walk — in the very first mile. Turns out he did break a record, sort of. Jesse
and J.D. decide to go for it and scamper over hill and dale like two gay billy
goats. Jesse says, "The theme of the day, I think, was Eat our Fairy Dust."
Former Army Ranger Greg Plitt
hangs back with Slow-Pokie as Jesse and J.D. disappear out of sight. Gregg is
somewhere in the muddy middle with a newfound respect for all the clients he’s
tortured on the treadmill.
Teams of girls and old
men start passing Brian and Plitt. Finally, Brian gives the losing battle cry, "Leave
me, man — save yourself," and Plitt takes off like a shot to catch up to
J.D. and Jesse cross the
finish line in just under an hour — a very respectable time. Never
underestimate gay fortitude, a strength forged through years of enduring discrimination
and Celine Dion.
Orange you glad you weren’t there? — Meanwhile,
aboard the S.S. Drama Queen, Rebecca and Renessa get conned into participating
in some pool games, hosted by the awesome Vickie Shaw, which include some
of the ship’s more adventurous passengers. Erika, in her Elvira swimsuit, and
Agostina watch from the sidelines with the giddy joy of knowing they don’t have