Jackie casually mentions
the female trainers are going with her, including Rebecca. Briana points out
how "awkward" that could be, but Jackie doesn’t see a problem with it
Jackie: You have nothing to worry
Briana: I would hope I have nothing to worry about.
Briana looks Jackie dead
in the eye — she’s young, but she’s no dope. All the color drains out of Jackie’s
face when she suddenly realizes Briana has seen Seasons 1 and 2.
Jackie toddles off to
pack, announcing unnecessarily that she’s going to pack light. Just a few
shorts, some cute tops and a big ol’ carrying case for her balls.
Are we there yet? — An SUV picks up the girls and drives them to
the harbor in San Diego.
Erika and Renessa, having never been on a cruise before, are psyched. Halfway there,
Rebecca remembers she left her bikini in the dryer. How convenient.
Erika’s sage advice? Go
naked; no one will care. The rest of the backseat agrees.
Meanwhile, Jackie wants
to talk shop and asks who’s going to be doing which on-board boot camp. Erika pipes
up that she didn’t pack any workout clothes.
Jackie: You didn’t bring workout
Erika: To work out on the boat? No,
I’m going to be teaching a class.
Jackie: But you brought workout
clothes, though. Right?
Erika: To train the people.
Jackie: OK, but you can wear those
to work out.
Erika: Yeah, but I don’t want to
And I don’t want carpal tunnel,
but you don’t see me shirking.
Erika doesn’t care if the
ship is lesbians, bow to stern, as long as she can lie in the sun, eat, hit the
spa and lie around some more. Can you blame her? Who wants to be doing lunges
when you can be enjoying the all-you-can-eat Heart Attack Buffet on the Fiesta Deck?
Erika tells her boss she
plans on hanging around, watching TV and eating. Erika’s vacation sounds like
my last Tuesday.
Instead of playing I Spy or some other
lame-ass road trip game, Rebecca poses a fun question to the car: What will they
do if a lesbian tries to kiss them? Gee, I don’t know. Jackie, what did they
Renessa: Um, I don’t know. I wouldn’t
feel comfortable being rude to a female, at all.
Rebecca: Right. ‘Cause they’re,
like, on our team and all.
Rebecca sees Jackie
shaking her head incredulously, and she laughs at her.
Renessa: I like to just go in the
Jackie: [sarcastically] I love
hearing straight women talking about lesbianism.
She looks at the floor,
and for one brief moment, Jackie looks saddened to hear lesbians being
patronized by giggling straight girls. This moment of canned poignancy brought
to you by Bravo.
The others ask Rebecca
what her girl-kissing strategy is going to be. Rebecca says she doesn’t know
because it happens so rarely; the last woman she kissed was Jackie, and that
was a month ago. Jackie laughs and objects: "No, more than a month! More than a month. Good one." Everyone
laughs, and the driver smirks for the next three exits.