Rebecca gives everyone a dramatic
"oops," Erika takes the news in stride, and Agostina contemplates
what a chopstick would look like sticking out of Rebecca’s neck.
Meanwhile, Jackie sits
there looking utterly mortified. Better late than never, killer. Agostina
regains her composure and shrugs. She nonchalantly theorizes that Jackie kisses
everyone, "Maybe because she’s the boss?" A native of Argentina,
Agostina has little trouble understanding how this particular American operates.
Jackie explains: "This
is Los Angeles.
Every girl in Los Angeles
is as straight as the next cocktail." That’s not really true, of course. They’re
straight until the next reality show.
Erika, who’s worked at
Sky Sport long enough to know, says: "It should be on the Sky Sport
application. If there’s a new female trainer that gets hired, you have to kiss
Jackie once." Sky Sport’s version of a drug test, if you will. There’s no
peeing in a cup, but you do have to let Jackie swab your cheek. With her
A new hire — Back at the office, Jesse notices a fine specimen of a
manly maleness doing pull-downs. His name is J.D., and he’s the new masseur.
Jesse wonders what J.D.
stands for. Judas? Jimmy Dean? As in sausages? The very thought gets Jesse in
the mood for breakfast meats, which is just what Jackie, the s— stirrer,
hoped would happen.
Jackie: He’s cute, though. I can
totally see you guys dating.
Jesse: No! I got my … first of all …
Jackie: I know. You have your man.
Jackie, evil puppet
master that she is, reveals: "J.D. is good-looking. He’s in shape. And he’s
gay and he’s sweet! So I thought it’d be very funny if I could push those two
Before the infidelity high
jinks can begin, Jackie has J.D. give her a massage. But only because she has
no interest in making out with him.
J.D. lights some candles
and goes to work. As he kneads her like an Amish bread maker, Jackie explains that
providing massages to the SkyLab clients is crucial.
Jackie: Do you know some of these women
have issues with touch? Do you know what I mean? And they’ve not been touched
in quite a while, and human contact is so important.
Just when I think Jackie
is merely a maniacal horn dog, she says something insightful and true. Damn
You’re going where, with whom? — Jackie and Briana are at home the
night before Jackie has to leave for the Olivia cruise. Briana asks for some
details from Captain Vague.
Jackie: I’m leaving tomorrow. I gotta
Briana: How long is it for?
Jackie: For a week.
Briana: A week? Why a week? Are you
going to training, or what are you … ?
Jackie: I’m going to do a boot camp
[heavy sigh], whatever. You know, sign photos … you know how all that goes.
Briana: I don’t understand a week.
Well, it is a cruise. Is she supposed to jump
overboard and swim home early?