“Work Out” Recaps: Episode 3.2 “SkyLab 2.0″

 
 

Next, it’s off to the
hydrostatic body fat weigh in. Everyone dons bathing suits and goes in the dunk
tank to see who can displace the most water and still retain a shred of dignity.

This year, SkyLab has
some added features. Dr. Robert Huizenga, a weight-loss expert, has been
brought in to bring some gravitas to the show. He’s a doctor, not a miracle
worker! Using highly sophisticated equipment, he takes what look like sonograms
of everyone. Aw. Congratulations. It’s cellulite.

More evaluations — The doctor tells Jackie that SkyLabber Tyra is
going to be a tough case. She not only has layers of fat, she has a lot of visceral
fat that surrounds her organs and is "marbled" throughout her
intestines. I may never eat steak again.

Tyra tells Jackie why she’s
gained so much weight.

Tyra: Most of the weight I’ve gained
was after Hurricane Katrina. The stress of just trying to get your life back
together, and still trying.
Jackie: So, did you live right
there?
Tyra: Yeah. My husband is still back
there, working on our home. Slowly.
Jackie: So the stress, sort of,
triggered an eating pattern with you?
Tyra: Yeah.

Hurricane Katrina made
her fat. What department of FEMA handles that, exactly? Jackie’s strategy for
Tyra is to make her take care of herself. Jackie, you’re doing a helluva a
job
.

SkyLab client Damon looks
at his scale results and proclaims himself a "linebacker," which is
the manly, more flattering way of saying, "I’m fat!"

Women should have the
same naming conventions. Instead of calling women "fat," they should
be called "opera singers."

Jackie says Damon’s sense
of humor has evolved into fat jokes about himself.

Damon: So, when I got chubby, all of a
sudden my friends would be like, "Oh, dude, I got this girl for you,"
and I’d be like, "Really, oh great. Hook me up," and she’d be like
this chubby girl, and I’d be like, "Dude, my eyes didn’t get fat!"

I thought I knew the
definition of self-deprecation, but I guess I don’t.

Damon is, of course,
within his inalienable rights to expect to date nice-looking, thin women, no
matter how fat he gets. The Flintstone-Kramdon Law, perhaps you’ve heard of it?

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