The Plitoris — Lisa shows Erika a magazine cover featuring the last
of the new trainers, Greg Plitt. Plitt is an awesome name because it rhymes
with clitoris. Lisa tells Erika that
Greg’s "fake as hell" and by the way, "Ew." Sky Sport doesn’t
have a human resources department, I’m just guessing.
Erika gleefully scampers
off to show Jesse, who’s sure to be both disgusted and enamored, which isn’t as
contradictory as it sounds when you’re a gay man.
Erika: [in a manly voice] "Wheels of Steel Workout."
Jesse: All natural.
Erika: It’s totally all natural. I’m like, OK, "I can bench 400
pounds, after I shove this needle in my thigh!"
Jesse: He looks like the Terminator … but I’m sure he’s a very nice person.
He looks like a nice person. He looks like, um, he would have a lot of good
Rebecca wanders over to
the shameful puddle of drool under Jesse. He passes the magazine to her and
they all pore over it like kids in a tree house with an old issue of Playboy. Formerly man meat–crazy Rebecca
flips through the pages while Jesse looks on and imagines, "You’d have to
While Jesse and Rebecca wonder
where the closest REI is, Peeler
joins the gang and, because his ego is as big as Plitt’s massive shoulders,
immediately concludes that Jackie’s hired the cover boy solely to annoy him.
All heads turn when Mt. Plitt
himself comes lumbering in with the gait of someone who knows the heartbreak of
Plitt claims he’s been
working out his "whole life," but he didn’t to it for "the
vanity of what [he] looks like in the mirror." I decide to call him "Plitoris"
from now on because it suits him for reasons other than his last name is Plitt
and I’m puerile.
Rebecca puts it most eloquently
when she says, "I feel like he’s the new dog in our pack, and we need to
go smell his butt." Bravo probably wouldn’t let them tag him with my most
obvious nickname, so the gang decides to call him "Ranger."
Instead of presenting his
butt for sniffing, Plitoris goes with the standard personal trainer greeting:
This is fascinating from
an anthropological standpoint. From a bow, we’ve moved onto the handshake, to
the high-five, to the fist-bump, and now this. Sometimes I worry we’re not
moving in the right direction as a planet.
Rebecca has something to
take her mind off Jackie. Jesse has a reason to stay out on the floor and not
in Jackie’s office gossiping with her. Peeler has another reason to feel marginalized.
Only fembot Erika is unaffected and suggests that Greg is wearing eyeliner in
his photo spread.