Seasons of love — Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred
do you measure a year in
the life? In bite marks. In straight girls. In midnight glasses of wine,
thrown at your head by Mimi. Yeah. Good times.
This season, the new girl
in Jackie’s bed is Briana, a young blonde who enjoys a nice, tall glass of leaves
first thing in the morning. The Breakfast of Champions. Champion koalas, that
Jackie reports that she’s
"living in the now with Briana," which doesn’t bode well for this
season’s showmance, but never mind that for the moment. Like all new couples, Briana
tries to entice Jackie to try the things she likes.
Jackie: If this tastes like wheatgrass,
I swear to God, you’re going down. That’s no good.
Briana: It might be a little too
green for you, but try it.
Jackie allows Briana’s neon-green
glop to touch her lips for a nanosecond.
Jackie: Ugh! That is so gross.
Briana: Oh my God, dramatic a
Jackie: No, that is disgusting.
Briana: [dramatic] A little.
Jackie: Seriously, there is
something wrong with you that you like that many vegetables.
Jackie leaves to vomit
and get ready for work.
Old news — At Sky Sport & Spa, Jackie’s Beverly Hills gym and day care for personal
trainers, the faces have changed. Zen and Andre are gone. Also new: The temperature
between Jackie and Rebecca has cooled considerably. With four new employees,
not to mention Briana, Jackie doesn’t have time to tongue it up with Rebecca outside
public restrooms like they did in the old days.
Rebecca may be an incorrigible
flirt, but she’s not without self-awareness. She reports that even though she’s
happy for Jackie’s new relationship, she loves attention — especially from
Jackie — and misses what they had: flirting, fun and inappropriate touching in
the workplace. Rebecca waits patiently by the ladies’ room, just in case. Hope
is a thing with toilet seat covers.
And because a large chunk
of Rebecca’s brain thinks like a straight girl, she also misses their girl-time,
which, of course, never existed in the way she thinks it did. All their
dinners, afternoons together and laughing over a bottle of wine was not BFF girlfriend
fun. Most lesbians call those moments "dating."
That said, Jackie, the
Shane of the fitness world, describes their dalliance as a friends-with-benefits
sort of deal. Whatever your perspective, Jackie’s moved on, and Rebecca’s
feelings have little J-shaped bruises all over them.