“Work Out” Recaps: Episode 207

Jesse gets a dream client — After spending all his time with the sweet, chubby ladies of Skylab, Jesse finally gets a taste of man-candy with his new client, a male "model" named Gage Weston. Really? Gage? Not Chest Rockwell? Oh, how I love porn names. How about Brock Pounder? Or Stallion St. Johnson? Brute Manboulders? Let me know when you want me to stop because I could go on all day.

Gage is wearing a tank top that says "COLT" across his enormous pecs. For those of you who don’t know (and really, why would you?), Colt is a huge gay male porn company. Gage is one of their, um, biggest stars. Little Jesse can’t wait to get his sweaty girl-paws on Gage.

Gage tells Jesse he doesn’t "do" cardio. Jesse, who claims he’s never heard of Colt, wants to take Gage "out of his comfort zone" with some heart-pounding cardio. Doesn’t a guy who presents his genitals for the world to admire already have a pretty expansive comfort zone?

I have no idea why this side of beef is at Sky Sport, except for the publicity. Sky Sport is not that kind of gym. Gage says he has to take his shirt off to avoid the tan lines that would disrupt his lucrative career. The show has just sunk to a new low.

Jesse: Well, I’d hate to …

Gage peels off his COLT shirt. Jesse’s mouth stops working. (So that’s what it takes.)

Jesse: Far beyond me to …

Jesse gets so discombobulated by the sight of Gage’s chest, he has to avert his eyes before they fall out of his head.

Gage: You getting flustered?
Jesse: You’re getting me flustered …

Gage is beyond ripped — even his ears have muscles. Jesse looks small and weak as he kneels over Gage to stretch his leg muscles. Gage is on his back, legs akimbo, ready for his rectal exam.

Gage is amused in a jaded sort of way. He casually asks Jesse, who’s completely lost his game face, if he’d like to have coffee later. The last thing Jesse needs is another jolt to the heart, but he’s not going to pass this up. Jesse wants to know if Gage has any pictures of himself to share. Gage does happen to have pictures. Of course he does.

Meanwhile, back in Lesbianville — Jabecca are in Jackie’s office talking about Brian’s new responsibilities. Rebecca’s a little nonplussed she wasn’t chosen. Is Brian qualified to run anything other than his mouth? Does sleeping with the boss not have its privileges? If I were her, I’d be happy to not be in charge. Who wants to oversee a bunch of babies and egomaniacs except Hollywood agents and NBA coaches?

But for once, Jackie doesn’t want anyone to think she’s playing favorites. The last time, when she left Erika in charge, nobody picked up their stanky towels, Jesse mocked Jackie behind her back, and Zen brought her dog to work — and he let everyone know what he thought of Sky Sport & Spa by leaving a steaming pile of poo on the deck.

Rebecca takes Jackie’s hands from across the desk, assures her there will be no trouble from her, says sweetly she’ll miss her, and delivers a quick kiss before trotting off to train her next client. I miss Mimi.

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