Supermodels in da house â€” Brian has a session with his client, model Joanna Krupa. She’s done Maxim and GQ. Playboy named her Sexiest Swimsuit Model. Joanna feels her body changing, and she’s there to nip it in the bud. Maybe models aren’t so dumb after all, because that’s the way to do it. Why wait until you’re asking the stewardess for the seat belt extension?
Hardcore Brian has to tone down his workout methods for Joanna because she’s such a girl. She’s lightly hopping around, but she’s all "Phew! This is hard!" Joanna does some curls with weights about the size of DVDs.
Brian: We are finisto right now.
Don’t be making up foreign words, Brian. It confuses the models.
Rebecca has her own model: Playboy playmate Victoria Fuller. Rebecca and Victoria met when they were both on The Amazing Race. Victoria had a baby and went from being a supermodel to a soccer mom just like that. Rebecca’s going to whip her back into runway form.
Rebecca spanks Victoria because she was late — or maybe it’s just for the hell of it. Rebecca tells Victoria about her big night out with Jackie.
Rebecca: She is like Tom Cruise in the gay world. I swear to God, it was like "Jackiieee!" And I’m like the girl who’s like the bag-holder in the background. â€¦ She’s a sexy lady. Have you ever been with a girl?
Victoria: Uh, yeah.
Rebecca: Who? Do I know her?
Victoria: Yeah, maybe, I don’t know.
Rebecca: Well, now you’ve sparked my interest. Who could it be?
But Victoria doesn’t eagerly launch into her hookup tale. She’s incredibly blasé about it, as a matter of fact.
Rebecca: And full-on hooked up? [Bleeped] and everything?
Victoria: No. We like dated for four months.
Victoria shrugs but Rebecca is speechless â€” her eyes are bugging right out of her head. She insists on getting the full scoop.
Victoria : Her boyfriend got in the way.
Rebecca: [incredulously] Her boyfriend got in the way?
Victoria: Yeah, he was jealous.
Rebecca: [long, open-mouthed silence] But â€¦ hold on. You were in a relationship with a female for four months, and she had a boyfriend?
Rebecca: And he came between y’all?
Victoria: Well, he didn’t like it.
Yeah, the boyfriends rarely like it when you date their girlfriends â€¦ and do everything better than they do. But in the end, they usually win anyway. It’s not fair, but that’s life. I think it’s the straight girls who lose.
House party â€” Jackie throws a house party for her friends and staff to show them her new digs. It’s not exactly a house-warming party; at least, I don’t think so. Everybody walks in empty-handed. Maybe Jackie’s friends are just cheap? I always bring something. How else am I supposed to get rid of the cheap wine and fugly dish towels that other people give me?
Rebecca’s still got her coat on when she announces she’s wearing a bra because â€” call her kooky â€” she doesn’t want the world to see her nipples.
Jackie gives Rebecca, Erika and Zen the nickel tour of her new house. In the bedroom, Jackie spouts the virtues of upgrading to a king-size bed. Rebecca feels right at home and sprawls out on the comforter. She decides she’d date Jackie just to sleep in her comfy new bed.
Brian and Andre show up with a tub of beer. Jackie gently tells them she has a bartender. Hey, at least they brought something, even if it is a little hillbilly-ish. At least they didn’t roll a keg into the house.
The party’s in full swing. Jackie’s doling out the shots. Someone’s feeding the dogs prosciutto or something. Jesse exclaims no one parties harder than trainers. All week long, they’re concentrating on food and fitness, but come Saturday night, it’s carb overload and tequila shooters until someone pukes.