The sobering light of day â€” The next day, Jackie holds a staff meeting to assign each Skylab client to a trainer. She also reveals each client’s body fat results. So much for tender mercies.
Meaghan has 27.8 percent body fat. Erika gets her. Laurie, the ass-chest girl, has 49.3 percent body fat, and she’s all Doug’s. The C.L.’s, Dina and Amy, both have body fat in the 30 percent range and pull Jesse as their trainer. Carol also has a 49.3 score, and Zen is given the task of getting that number down. Way down.
Kiki doesn’t have a score because she refused to go in the tank. That said, she looks like a low 40 percent to me (because I’m an expert now), and Andre gets to work with that.
Floyd is already Brian’s client, so nothing to report there. At 5 feet, 1 inch and 136 pounds, Rita is a 33.2 percent client. She wants to feel sexy, so who better to train her than Rebecca?
Tess lost all the progress she made last year and is up to 42.2 percent body fat. Tess gets a fresh start with the new guy, Gregg.
Then, Jackie drops a bomb. A water bomb. All the trainers are going to do the body fat hydrostatic test themselves. For some reason, no one wants to do it. If I had Erika’s or Rebecca’s body, not only would I do the test, I’d put my score on a billboard. Want to know your score? Go here. Depressed now?
In the mobile testing truck, Erika’s chosen a sensible one-piece Speedo for her immersion. Rebecca, predictably, is wearing a thong. Jesse doesn’t look very buff. Andre and Gregg stand with their arms folded across their humongous pecs. Gregg’s got something else that’s humongous, because when the tester tells him to squeeze the giant air pocket out of his shorts, he reports that it’s not air. Zen smiles knowingly.
Erika complains that she just ate a turkey sandwich before the test and looks "two months pregnant." God, she’s such a heifer. Brian’s overjoyed that Jesse has to get his "fat ass" in the water.
Jackie puts it in perspective when she says over 65 percent of the American population has over 30 percent body fat. Without further ado, here are the percentage results of the Sky Sport & Spa trainers. Now you have one more reason to hate them.
Brian: 8.6 (Wha?!?)
Jesse: 21.3 (Have another donut, princess.)
I’m as shocked as Jackie is by Brian’s score. Doug looks much leaner than Brian does. And what about all that fat in Brian’s head? I’m starting to think this test is a bunch of hooey.