Why does Snooki keep kissing girls?

Even if you don’t watch Jersey Shore, you’re likely familiar with the petite Chilean with a pouf named Snooki. Like a true reality star, the 22-year-old from Poughkeepsie, New York has made herself into a character — one you can’t help but find hilarious, entertaining and, at times, cringe-inducing. On the show, she doesn’t work alone, of course — she and her castmates all gave viewers reasons to want to quit drinking or give their friends nicknames.

So there are several reasons you could say you dislike the visibility that Jersey Shore is bringing to Italians, to their generation or to women, but today I’m here to talk about Snooki and her penchant for using other women for attention.

It all started in the first season: Snooki invited her friend Ryder over to party and they ended up drunkenly making out in the hot tub. After inviting one of the male housemates to join them, Snooki tells the camera, “I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so I just started making out with Ryder because all the guys like that.”

(Thanks for the video, Grace Chu!)

Not so out-of-place on an MTV reality show, I know. But it’s really unfortunate that Snooki has taken this idea and really, really run with it. And because she’s getting all this attention each time she kisses or touches another female, she has decided this is what she should be doing anytime a camera is nearby. So does this mean the new season of Jersey Shore will be full of girl-on-girl kissing with a “no homo” explanation in the confessional directly after?

On the first season, Snooki said, “I hate guys. I should become a f—-n’ lesbian.” Yet another straight woman who is misguided in thinking that being a gay woman is any easier — or that we hate men, too. (I’m actually pretty sure I have more respect for the men I know than Snooki does for the company she keeps.) So what has happened since then? Well she’s certainly gotten busy with at least one guy in the cast, but most of her publicity opportunities come from when she’s out with (straight) housemate Jwoww.

After sharing a kiss on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards, Jwoww told a reporter, “She got me into it.” Later Snooki shouted at supermodel Marisa Miller, “Yum! Oh my God, you’re so hot!” Upon spotting Katy Perry, she yelled, “You kissed a girl — let’s kiss!” Katy declined.

For the upcoming second season, the cast of Jersey Shore are living in Miami and, from what I can tell, it appears that Snooki and the other females are still most interested in fighting with one another and sleeping with the boys in their house.

Is Snooki bisexual? She hasn’t said either way, but I’m willing to bet she doesn’t identify as such, if it’s lesbians who are asking. If The Situation is asking, then yes, she’s whatever you want her to be — whatever boys like. This must be why Snooki loves Katy Perry so much.

Snooki is not the only celebrity who has seen the girl-on-girl kiss/fondle/flirt work for her. Lately, she’s among several other larger stars who have found the tactic to work in their favor. But whereas Sandra Bullock, Kylie Minogue or Christina Aguilera do it once (or twice, in Sandra’s case), it does not appear that they continue to act as if this is something that is a part of their everyday lives. They aren’t, as Tyra Banks would call them, “Barsexuals.” And that’s what’s disturbing about Snooki’s behavior and Katy Perry’s song: Their kissing of girls or talk of kissing other girls is influenced by alcohol.

Having lesbianism or queerness being associated with alcohol is, quite obviously, not something that our community would agree with. In fact, alcoholism is a serious problem within it already, especially among gay youth. And who is watching Jersey Shore? Well considering the show brought in the network’s highest ratings last year — more than 3 million for one episode — it seems like everyone is watching. But specifically, it is the No. 1 cable telecast among persons 12-34.

I’m hoping that Snooki will be able to grow up and act responsible for herself in the near future, but I’m not holding my breath. In the meantime, I pray she finds the fauxmosexuality a bore and moves on to doing something else for attention, like a magic trick — possibly involving her pouf instead of another female.

Thanks to Mia for her help in recalling Snooki’s shenanigans from Season One.

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