Who are the lonely ladies in your DVR?

 
 

In a chat with TheLinster earlier this week, I blurted out, “I saw Sarah today — for the first time in six weeks.” TheLinster said, “Oh, Heather.”

It’s always the same story: A girl catches your eye with her unmatchable beauty, or your ear with her enchanting laugh. You spend every day after that learning her, all the things you never knew you couldn’t live without. You commit. Then life happens. You go a whole week without seeing her, so you see her twice as much the next week. Then it’s two weeks — three. You think, “We’ll connect again, just as soon as I meet this deadline, turn in that project, finish learning this new girl, who obviously doesn’t mean as much, but still means something.”

That’s how it was with me and Sarah. Agent Sarah Walker. I saw her on a commercial on NBC, rushed out and bought first season of Chuck, and I devoured it in three days. For the second and third seasons, I tuned in every Monday night. I adored her. Then I started recapping Pretty Little Liars and Skins on Monday nights, so I didn’t see Sarah until Tuesdays. Then Tuesdays got too busy, then Wednesdays. Weeks went by. “My DVR keeps the last five episodes,” I told myself. “We’re still OK.” When the six-week mark passed I said, “I’ll buy the DVDs and catch up over the summer.”

Then, this week, I clicked over to Hulu on a Tuesday to track down a Pretty Little Liars clip — and there she was. My secret agent. She was dressed as an angel because of course she was. My heart thudded in my chest. “What are you doing, Hogan?” I said out loud. “Why have you let this happen?”

It’s an all-too-common occurrence, and when I sat down to really search my sapphic soul, I realized there is more than one lonely lady in my DVR.

Oh, Pam Beasley. It’s not your fault Parks and Recreation got funnier than The Office. You and Jim made me hang in there a long, long time.

And you, Kate Beckett (Castle)! Why do you have to happen on Monday night, too? You have to fight against my job and my secret agent. You deserve better than me, Beckett. You really do.

Brennan. My darling Brennan. It’s not you; it’s Booth. I hate what has happened to his character on Bones this season. I have powered through the gore all these years, but it is Booth who is keeping me away right now. I miss you. I’m holding out hope for you!

And Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother), you might be my actual soul mate. But then, you’re familiar with your actual soul mate overlooking you, huh? That makes me an even bigger prick that I first thought. (And that tank top. God.)

How about you guys? I know I’m not alone. Who are the lonely ladies in your DVR?

 
 

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