“White Collar” mini-cap: Shegulls Nest

OK, let’s just get this out of the way right up front: We’ve seen a lot of attractive lesbian TV couples over the years. Adorable ones and funny ones and angsty ones and puppy-love ones. And, I mean, these TV lesbians have been played by some gorgeous, gorgeous women. But never, ever, ever, in the history of this wide world has there been a fictional lesbian TV couple as laptop-meltingly hot as Israeli-born Moran Atias and English-born Marsha Thomason.

When Maya and Emily were together on Pretty Little Liars, I was always saying how nice it was to see two women of color in a relationship, and let me just repeat that sentiment right now, ‘cause dayum!

Even Neal Caffrey agrees.

Anyhoodle, on last night’s White Collar we finally got to meet the oft-spoken-about, never-before-seen Dr. Christie No-Last-Name, girlfriend of FBI junior agent Diana Barrigan. Here’s how it played:

Peter is pretty sure Neal is responsible for the warehouse fire/art heist that went down at the end of last season, and he’s recruited Diana to do a little translation work for him to help solve the mystery. He gives her a briefcase full of top secret documents and sends her on her way, and of course Neal was involved in the warehouse fire/art heist at the end of last season, so he goes nipping at Diana’s heals like a puppy, hoping to distract her long enough for Mozzie to make a briefcase swap.

Outside, he runs into Diana and Christie. He woos Christie with his incomparable charm and invites himself over to dinner for a double date, thinking he’ll just make the swap after everyone’s drunk on his smile and illegal cheese and fancy wine.

Diana spends most of the episode as an undercover assistant to some kind of Wall Street Miranda Priestly, who refuses to hire her because she’s overqualified, and when she does hire her, she gets shrill about, “By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.” Diana is responsible for keeping her alive, which means making wheat germ smoothies and picking up dry-cleaning and translating ancient Hebrew texts and throwing space cowboy birthday parties and whatever imaginary thing. The best part is Thomason got to use her native Mancunian accent, which takes her already husky voice to a whole new level of sexy.

After the most taxing day ever, she comes home to find Neal and Sarah at her place for their double date night. Diana and Christie are adorable together; they even use Diana’s wonky bowl from their first-date pottery class as a serving dish. Mozzie calls their house “the shegulls nest,” and I will be adopting that phrase into my vocabulary immediately.

Diana saves Miranda Priestly’s ass, of course. When a pharmaceutical rep tries to poison her, Diana rushes in, guns blazing, and drops this badassery: “Diana Barrigan, FBI. Damn right I’m overqualified.”

Christie helps the FBI crack a code that stops a pharmaceutical company from poisoning the entire island of Manhattan or some such thing, and now that she’s proven herself as such a useful sidekick, I think we need to see a lot more tag-teaming with Dr. and Mrs. Lady Suit.

Did you catch last night’s White Collar? Thoughts about the sexiest couple you’ve ever seen?

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