First of all, I must thank Punky Starshine for doing such an excellent job recapping last week’s episode. I’m just jealous I missed out on that whole hair-smelling-Wild Orchid scene. Not that I need them to be a couple, but I’m a bit adrift without a single ship on this show anymore.
So, previously on Wentworth, Joan informed Fletch that she would fire him given a third of a chance, presumably since he is competition for the governor job and Vera’s affection. Frankie found a new drug pipeline via the gardening project, and Bea saved Simone from death-by-8 ball just so she could try (and fail) to stab Brayden Holt.
In the immediate aftermath, Bea storms around the slot, cursing her shoddy aim and Brayden’s unbearable smirk. All the while Joan watches her on CCTV just trying so hard to be a Bond villain.
I AM ONE HAIRLESS CAT AWAY FROM PULLING THIS OFF.
That night in cell block H, the ladies are all set to party with some toilet hooch when Frankkie is like “put that nasty stuff away…because I’ve got REAL VODKA.” She passes around little airplane bottles of Smirnoff and it makes me pine for the bygone days of season one, when Frankie balanced out the stich with the carrot. Apparently the show knows that it’s gone a little dark this season, because then Boomer, Doreen, and Liz start a booty-shaking contest, with Frankie as the enthusiastic judge. But even though that’s something that might have happened last season, it still doesn’t feel like last season. Liz agrees with me, and steadfastly refuses to have a good time (or drink, so good for you Liz).
In other news, it turns out that there are repercussions of stabbing the heir to a crime dynasty. Simone hears from her boyfriend that the Holts are sending someone inside Wentworth to kill Bea. Simone’s post-beating makeup is incredible, by the way; she looks like she’s at least half zombie. She also learns that, because of her attack, she won’t be able to smuggle drugs in anymore, meaning that Frankie gets to continue the halcyon days of top dog status.
Meanwhile, Joan releases Bea from the slot, I guess just for the thrill of seeing how things play out. She’s like, “Fly free from the nest, birdie, and dip your beak in blood.” I really do not get what Joan’s deal is, y’all.
Once Bea is back in gen pop, Simone comes up to confront her about stabbing boy king Brayden.
Simone: YOU USED ME. And here I thought I’d finally made a best friend.
Bea: Well yes I used you, but I also protected you from Frankie. From now on, let’s watch each other’s backs.
Simone: SO WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
Bea: Um. Sure. Sure, fine.
Simone: In THAT case, I feel like I should tell you that the Holts are coming to kill you. Ooooooh do you think we should have a secret handshake?