“Wentworth” recap (2.2): Lost at Sea

 
 

Back on the block, Skye decides to protest her lack of drugs by threatening to slash her wrists.

wentworth2.4

Will tries to talk her down, but Fletch charges straight in to her cell where she, predictably, follows through on her promise of self-harm. Fletch responds to her gushing arteries by pepper spraying her directly in the eyeballs. Bea is the only one with the good sense to wrap up her wounds so the girl doesn’t actually die. Once she is subdued, Fletch tries to handcuff her bandaged wrists to a wheelchair, and everyone is like “Dude. Stop.” Fletch insists that pepper-spraying and restraints are just how the manual says to deal with suicidal prisoners. Joan scents the discord between the guards like a bloodhound, and files it away for future use.

I kind of hate that Harry gets to have a storyline at all this episode, since he is such a thoroughly loathsome character, but then, that seems to be the dominant type this season. He shows up at Brayden’s shop and thinks seriously about hitting him with a hammer before running away. The scene totally lacks tension, because you know Harry is neither brave nor stupid enough to kill Brayden in broad daylight. The only moment that is remotely compelling is when Brayden looks back and flashes a charming, boyish smile, because it is the only moment that complicates either of them or makes us invest in their fates. Oh and the cutaways to Bea washing Skye’s blood off her hands are ridiculously heavy-handed and totally squander the credit the show built with the hair dye imagery.

To lighten the mood, some inmates from the local men’s prison show up to build Doreen’s greenhouse. The men all grab their crotches aggressively, which delights the women to no end, and Franky and Kim make out in front of them, which delights the men to no end.

wentworth2.5 PERSONALLY I NEVER KISS A GIRL UNLESS AT LEAST THREE GUYS ARE WATCHING.

Really the only way I could be happy with Franky and Kim’s relationship is if we actually got to know Kim, but she just keeps getting tossed at us as an object of titillation.

Oh wait, she also gets to be conveniently Korean. She translates Su Yung’s speech and learns that she was busted for trafficking heroin, and still has two balloons stuck inside her. Of course, Franky sees this as the solution to her supply problem, and so begins Poopwatch 2014.

First she scores some vegetable oil from a contact in the kitchen, and we really have to talk about the system

wentworth2.6 MAGIC.

OK so:

  • 1. Miss Hairnet strolls right up to Franky and sticks her hand down her trousers like it’s their personal secret handshake.
  • 2. Fletch tells her to stop.
  • 3. She goes to her cell, where she a bottle THE SIZE OF A COKE CAN from her crotch.

How was she hiding it? Where was she hiding it? If this is an option, why was she ever using the laundry car at all?

Meanwhile, Bea is sent to therapy against her will, which Joan watches via CCTV, in an effort to learn what makes her tick. But when Bea starts listing off the things that used to make Harry beat her, she suddenly realizes the key to making him kill Brayden.

After her session, she calls Harry to tell him what a disgusting person he is, which makes him fightin’ mad. And since he is all out of wives to punch, he takes his rage straight to Brayden’s garage.

Up in the second floor, he sees a person-shaped silhouette, figures it must be Brayden Holt: Teen Villain, and proceeds to douse the place in gasoline. He then locks the door shut (he was carrying a padlock in his pocket I guess?) and walks away. He’s so unoriginal he actually tries to kill someone in the same way Bea tried to kill him.

You don’t really need me to tell you that Brayden Holt wasn’t in the garage, right? Even the poor, hapless guy Harry did manage to lock up survived.

Before Bea can come up with another brilliant assassination plan, Boomer shows up to demand a makeover, so she can show off for the male prisoners. Here are the results of that transformation.

wentworth2.7.

The thing is, Boomer’s character had great comic relief when we were laughing with her, not at her. Now the show has made her its Gimli The Dwarf: a dignified creature made ridiculous by having to provide all the jokes.

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