“Weeds” mini-cap: Woman overboard

 
 

Why did I find that hokey ending, with Esteban silently embracing Nancy on her porch with lampshade cut outs of little sailboats creating silhouettes, so sweet? We all know the relationship won’t end well but I couldn’t help it!

In this episode, “Little Boats,” Nancy and Esteban’s ship takes on water, Shane’s little dinghy runs aground, Silas and Lisa’s ship sails, Doug needs a tug boat out of depression, and we see a man overboard which in this case was a woman overboard and that woman is Celia!

Is anyone finding the Celia as a drug addict story line amusing? Please, let me know because not only is drug addiction not all that funny to watch, worse than that, it’s not sexy! Sloppy, dopey Celia is grating on my very last nerve. If we have to watch her pathetically throw herself at folks she should be pathetically throwing herself at Nancy who is by far the hottest thing on the show! Do drugs make you blind as well as stupid?

As of late Nancy and Esteban spend time standing each other up and not in a good way but in a canceling dates on each other way, sort of like ships passing in the night. Their schedules and commitments, OK, mostly his, keep them in a carousel of disappointment. His latest promise is a boat trip to a romantic lobster dinner. The clock ticks on when the date will be canceled.

As for Celia, she’s making maternity store customers pay only in cash so that she can pilfer it to support her new cocaine habit. She’s sneezing blood on any poor soul that happens to be around when her nose tickles including Isabelle. Yuck. It all begs the question, when is 14 year old Isabelle going to take charge of this mess? She’s the sanest person of the bunch and it’s no coincidence she’s a lesbian. Heh. Seriously, Isabelle at this point would be better off being an orphan.

Celia begs for drugs then sneezes blood on the hole-in-the-floor guard while he’s eating! (Yes, it’s as gross as you think.) Later when he’s in the bathroom she races down the tunnel like a lunatic, cash in hand and tissue shoved up each bloody nostril, with the delusion that a mound of drugs or a dealer waits on the other side? OK, that scene was actually funny! She’s caught and turned back by some dude working down there and he’s not amused.

Nancy’s called in and wants to pretend the incident never happened but the whole thing is recorded on close circuit video. Videotape and it-never-happened are antonyms in this modern world. Silly Nancy.

Cesar shows Esteban the tape of crazy Celia and warns Esteban that his swoon for Nancy is going to put him in jeopardy and that Nancy’s dangerous. Esteban affectionately calls her reckless. True, but reckless can get you killed just as quickly as dangerous.

Speaking of reckless, that’s Nancy’s parenting style. OK, maybe not reckless more like non-existent. But finally she’s forced to get her maternal on! Being dateless in the evenings and disenchanted with retail during the day she actually tunes into the home front for a change and is alarmed by what’s going down, or rather what’s popping up with both of her sons.

She figures out that Silas has a thing for hot aged Brie after she sees him moving his plants to the cheese shop. So, she pays a visit to Lisa and Silas at the store and reminds Lisa that her little Rad will grow up to be 17 sooner than Lisa knows and that Nancy thinks Rad’s awfully cute and may hit on him in a few years. This shock therapy seems to hit Lisa in her libido and we learn later that she’s cooling off the fling thing with Silas.

Nancy also learns from Andy, after he finds the book with the nude pictures in it, that Shane has been using her as part of his nighttime and early morning pleasure routine. In one of the best scenes of the show in recent memory Nancy, wine glass in hand, individually confronts each of her Oedipus inspired sons but gives both generally the same Freudian speech.

Shane spends the talk mortified with a blanket over his head. Nancy has no real moral authority to say much to either kid but still you know, it’s a sex talk with your mother about your mother being the focal point of your sex life. Ouch.

In good news for Shane, his smash in the face lunch tray trick has made him the psycho-bad-ass on campus and with that comes the perk of sexually active 14-year-old girls writing his name on the stomachs in worship. Maybe life is looking up.

As for Andy and Doug, Andy is being heralded as a hero in the Mexican border town and there’s a velvet portrait of him hanging in the local bar. His notoriety almost got him revenge killed when the coyote he shot reappeared to shoot him back. Luckily, someone threw a bottle at the guy’s head.

While Andy’s reputation soars Doug is depressed at not finding his MerMex and for being a big loser and merely Andy’s sidekick. The bartender of the Mexican bar is going to try to find Doug’s Maria but he’s doing it for El Andy not for Doug.

The episode concludes with Nancy doing the mundane (laundry) having had a tough week and then being sweetly surprised by Esteban seated on the back porch, bodyguards in tow, bringing with him his little boats spinning around. I was shocked I cared.

So where’s this going with Esteban? Are they the new Mr. and Mrs. Drug King and Queen Pin? Will Celia’s intervention bring positive results? Will Silas’s main cheese stick around for his 18th birthday?

 
 

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