“Weeds” mini-cap: Popsicle patch

Hey, the Botwins stayed in one place for a change! This week’s Weeds was the second episode in Dearborn — Nancy’s hometown — and the family still is all cozy and tucked in at creepy Mr. Schiff’s house.

Mr. Schiff probably is headed for another crash, since he is making plans to renovate the house for his new family. He already has renovated his appearance with hair dye — and is pleased as a puppy when Nancy notices.

Nancy is a saucy minx, isn’t she?

Since Andy struck out in his effort to get fake passports, Nancy visits Hooman, the club owner who’s buying the special Botwin mind-altering brew. He has a contact and suggests Nancy send her “man.” Why, Nancy asks, are Middle Eastern men so sexist? “You guys share the s–t out of us,” Hooman says. That may be the most honest response I’ve ever heard.

The contact turns out to be Hooman’s future father-in-law, who hates Hooman and wants him dead. In fact, killing him is the price of the fake passports. As Andy tells Nancy, “We need Shane.”

Nancy is on a mission to find out who the man in the graveyard who said he was Ellis Tate really is, since Mr. Schiff remembers the real Ellis Tate as a girl who “was good at math — and lunch,” not a dorky guy. She tracks down a yearbook at the Dearborn library and discovers that Schiff is right.

In the process, she encounters a woman, Patricia, whose life Nancy ruined by spreading a rumor that Patricia was such a prude that her girl parts would freeze any boy parts that ventured there. Patricia became known as “Popsicle Patch” and said she had sex with 14 boys her junior year to disprove the rumor. Sounds like Nancy was one of the Mean Girls.

Patricia, BTW, is Stephnie Weir, the brilliant comedian from Mad TV. Where have you been, Stephnie? You were the best Anna Nicole Smith ever — including the real Anna Nicole Smith.

To find out who “Ellis” really is, Nancy sets up a date with him and ransacks his hotel room when he leaves to meet her. Unfortunately, he returns and catches her, just as she uncovers the piles of material he’s collected about the Botwins.

But he’s not FBI and he’s not working for Esteban. He’s Vaughn Coleman, self-proclaimed award-winning reporter. He’s doing a story on Nancy’s adventures, having decided that her life is much more interesting than his original subject Esteban. And he thinks making the story public could help Nancy, too.

Andy, meanwhile goes to Hooman with the news about his future father-in-law’s wish for his demise and offers to help. I don’t know what Andy has in mind, but I can almost guarantee it will turn out badly.

And Nancy agrees to tell Coleman her story in exchange for his assistance getting out of the country. I expect that will turn out badly, too.

Two more episodes of Weeds to go this season — any predictions?

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