We didn’t start the fire

 
 

The 13th season of Survivor is finally over, and what did we learn? Yul is a rock star (Ozzie seems pretty cool, too), reality shows have no excuse for not casting more people of color – and women can’t build fire to save their lives. Literally.

Survivor

Obviously, there are women who know how to make fire (including my 10-year-old niece). But you’d never know that from watching last night’s season finale, as women across America (or at least, across my living room) collectively cringed when the last two female finalists Sundra and Becky, who had been supposedly surviving in the wilderness for 38 days, couldn’t light a fire to save themselves from elimination. After an hour of trying. With matches! I was waiting for Jeff Probst to hand them a blowtorch to put us all out of our misery. It was an embarrassment to the entire gender (and a testament to the type of women Survivor tends to cast, but never mind).

Here’s a tip for all the women auditioning for Survivor in the future – learn how to make a frickin’ fire! Do this at home in your back yard as soon as you decide to audition for the show. Or better yet, join the Girl Scouts when you’re a kid, and get a jumpstart on the competition. You’ll definitely learn how to make a fire, and hawking all those cookies will give you the sales skills to win over the Survivor jury 20 years later. Plus, “would you like some Thin Mints?” is always a good pick-up line at the local lesbian bar.