I had a big family BBQ. Cousins, uncles, aunts, my parents, his parents, my son, brothers and sisters, my husband, friends. I had my bags loaded and out beforehand. Left some things behind so my husband didn't suspect. Then at the party--yes, my coming out party--I screwed my courage up and said it.  "Everyone, I want to let you know I am today allowing myself to live the life I have always wanted and was afraid to have. I don't want to be rejected by my family and still don't. I don't want to lose friends but true friends won't let go. Everyone...deep breath...I am and always have been a LESBIAN." Everyone got quiet. Then my son said, "What the fuck did you say?"  "I'm a lesbian," I repeated. Then my  husband stormed at me, calling me every name in the book. My cousin and my friend stepped infront of me and kept him back. A brother stepped in and held him back. Some family members hugged me and said they loved me and others didn't. Some friends, too. I gave everyone an e-mail address to contact me and I left. Today my husband was suppose to be served with divorce papers. I want to thank my friend and my cousin and all of you. It was hard and then easy and now it is wonderful. My two superhereos took me out to dinner last night and I felt the most relaxed I have been in my life. The friend I told you about, well, at the end of dinner she pulled me in to the most tender hug I've ever had in my life, gave me my first kiss from a woman and told me how honored she was to have been a part of it all. And then she cried (after all the times I blubbered in her presence).  I am going to spend the week walking on the beach and planning my new life. This is so exciting and wonderful. I can't even put it all into words yet. But thank you all.............. PLAN B(eautiful) So, I survived my first-date-with-a-woman-ever by having her cancel out on me a half hour before the blind date! She called my cousin (who set the date up) and said she couldn't go through it because I had just left my husband and she couldn't handle the pressure of being out on a date with me. I am not sure what that meant and neither did my cousin. So I spent all those hours trying on clothing and fretting about my hair and then waiting and boom, it all was for nothing. I went into the bathroom and had a brief pity party for myself. But then I wasn't going to let it get me down. My cousin and I ordered in pizza and we watched movies until late. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up the next morning feeling a little sad. Well, more than a little sad. I was in the shower when someone knocked on the door. It was my superhero. She said if I was up for it she was taking me out on a date for a beach picnic. OK, I felt happy and then embarrassed because my cousin must have called her. I told her she didn't have to and she made it very clear to me it was what she wanted. So I packed my beach gear and off we went.